Continue to date her vs NC

[Dashottcalla]

It's been about a month since me and my ex girlfriend have been broken up. She wanted out for good reason, I was nit picking unimportant issues regularly instead of just enjoying our time together.. She also stated that she felt like I wasn't the strong man that she needed.. I made the usual mistake of continuously trying to convince her to come back but all attempts failed and has got to the point where if I text her talking about anything relationship related she will just not respond at all.. I tried NC for a few days (4 at best) but have been the person to break it each time.. When I text her it seems as if I'm doing all the work in the conversation as her answers are short and she doesn't ask me questions in return.. I know I have no control but my worry is that if I just all together stop contacting her she will be okay with that and we'll soon be strangers.

 

She us receptive to going out when she's free or me doing things for her. Since we've broken up I have given her several gifts (apple watch, Canon camera, headphones, two sets of flowers, perfume, makeup, chocolate, wine) all gifts that she loved but of course, as expected, didn't change anything (most of those gifts were considered early bday gifts since we weren't talking and I wasn't sure if I would see her on her bday).. Yesterday I took her out to breakfast for her birthday, afterwards we went shopping at Victoria Secret and sephora and later got massages together.. After I dropped her home I called and asked about reconciling once more and told her that I feel like I'm in a much better place, she said she feels like my vibe is still the same as when we broke up and she believes that I still need to just focus on myself, she also says that she's a bit impatient and wanted me to have "IT" all together.. I agreed with her and we went about our days.

 

I do truly believe that I'm in a much better place.. But I know that personal growth never stops so I can benefit from additional growth..

 

My question is would it be best to continue going out with her periodically since she's currently open to it while continuing to demonstrate to her through our dates that I am growing without pressuring her to reconcile or would NC be best in this situation? Thanks in advance

[kbbcoop77]

Wow Apple watches, shopping trips, cameras...with no commitment from her to be loyal and in a relationship with you...dude stop. When they tell you no and to work on yourself it's time to go no contact and put them in your past. If she's really interested in reconciliation she'll know how to find you.

[Seraphim]

You are chasing her and buying expensive gifts . STOP. She really is horrible for taking these gifts. If she wants to be apart she doesn't need gifts . Never chase anyone to be with you.

[SapphireNoir10]

I agree it shows bad character that she is taking these gifts whilst stringing you along. Time to let her know you are not going to do that anymore. She knows you want her back, you've shown that. Now it's her turn to come to you if she wants to.

[SherrySher]

You can't buy someone's love.

You both do need time apart. You need to back off and make yourself seem respectable again (as in, not look desperate and get some self confidence on your own again) right now you are looking needy and it's not attractive. You do need to find your own sense of self worth and not need to be validated so badly from her.

 

She on the other hand needs to take a step back and needs to appreciate you. That can only happen with her missing you from a far.

It's not going to work any other way. But if she doesn't end up missing you, you're better off. You don't need to keep being her puppy dog and letting her string you along if she really isn't serious or doesn't appreciate you.

[Wiseman2]

Wow sorry to hear this. What a smack in the face to tell you you are still not good enough but only after you wasted all this time and money on her. She's using you and playing you.

 

You must maintain no contact so she can appreciate what life is like without you. How can she respect a fool?

 

It sounds like she'll make you jump through hoops like this until you make yourself bankrupt buying her a Maserati, which she'll let her new bf drive around in. tried NC for a few days (4 at best) After I dropped her home I called and asked about reconciling once more and she said she feels like my vibe is still the same as when we broke up and she believes that I still need to just focus on myself, she also says that she's a bit impatient and wanted me to have "IT" all together.

[Dashottcalla]

Wow sorry to hear this. What a smack in the face to tell you you are still not good enough but only after you wasted all this time and money on her. She's using you and playing you.

 

You must maintain no contact so she can appreciate what life is like without you. How can she respect a fool?

 

It sounds like she'll make you jump through hoops like this until you make yourself bankrupt buying her a Maserati, which she'll let her new bf drive around in.

 

I agree with you.. Only that she's not the one playing me, I'm playing myself.. She didn't directly ask for the things I gave her, except for yesterday when I took her to the mall and she picked up items from Victoria Secret and sephora totalling around $500+.. So I'll take the blame for that.. I did want her to see that I was very serious and invested in making me and her work..

[Seraphim]

That's horrible. You are being treated like a wallet. Just stop.

[Wiseman2]

The new guy will love those Victoria Secret items you paid for!

I she picked up items from Victoria Secret and sephora totalling around $500+.

[Dashottcalla]

That's horrible. You are being treated like a wallet. Just stop.

 

I see that.. When we were in a relationship she was not working so I had no problem with getting her gifts every so often or helping her with other expenses.. I was just trying to continue to show her the positives in me and make her happy anyway I could to make it easier for her to want to come back.. But I do see that I need to fall back because she never initiates contact or never just wants to spend time..

[Dashottcalla]

The new guy will love those Victoria Secret items you paid for!

 

Yea, this is rough, but I needed that..

[Careerchoice]

No Contact was made for people in your situation. You need time away from her so that you can think through the situation rationally and build up the strength and self esteem to demand the best for yourself. Are you OK with being someone's not good enough or do you believe you deserve someone who's as into you as you are into them?

[Dashottcalla]

No Contact was made for people in your situation. You need time away from her so that you can think through the situation rationally and build up the strength and self esteem to demand the best for yourself. Are you OK with being someone's not good enough or do you believe you deserve someone who's as into you as you are into them?

 

I understand you.. I feel like I'm at the point where I need to be.. I don't feel needy, desperate, and I'm not viewing the relationship through a distorted view.. I saw a lot of good in her, not to say she didn't have her flaws, but I can look at the relationship and say that another try will be beneficial for the both of us, but it's far out my hands at this point

[Wiseman2]

Have you heard the expression "closing the stable door after the horse has bolted".

 

This is very applicable to dating an ex and lavishing her with gifts etc. after she's broken up, keeps saying no to reconciliation, etc.

[Dashottcalla]

Have you heard the expression "closing the stable door after the horse has bolted".

 

This is very applicable to dating an ex and lavishing her with gifts etc. after she's broken up, keeps saying no to reconciliation, etc.

 

Very true.. The problems already drove her away.. I hate to look at it as "too late" but it maybe is..