Girlfriend dumped me "I need to focus on school, I rushed into this relationship

[Gotownedbadly]

Quick Story, I'm 27, she's 22, a college senior. I know, I know. We met in August, had a wonderful, playful relationship, she seemed mature, very easy and light to be around. We laugh about everything. I have trust issues, and shes bad with communication, she'd pass out at 8pm and leave me hanging and be like where are you, stop doing that " She'd counter with im sorry but understand I'm in college, busy i pass out sometimes, I appreciate your need for contact but i'm learning as I go i've never in a relationship where someone actually gave a "

 

-Fine, whatever. She goes home for thanksgiving, I know she's partying with people she hasn't seen, I'm cool with it, until one night she vanishes from like 11 to 3, said she came home early passed out because shes sick. I flip out because, well.. my trust issues. We work it out and I apologize, she pushes to be Facebook official and invites me to meet ALL of her family, the first guy ever. It's like a big Christmas thing, awesome. Happy is moving forward.

 

-We haven't had sex in like a week and a half, we have this big weekend planned at the casino and shes super lovey dovey, gives me a happy one month anniversary card, it's really heartfelt and sweet. We get too drunk, pass out and don't end up banging.

 

I drive her home after a good next day, she becomes noticeably distant, says she has a headache and is stressed about finals.

-We were suppose to see eachother, she blows me off. I'm like , we havent been intimate in awhile, we should see eachother. I get pushy, stress her more, im like something must be off, this distance is weird, "sorry im just really stressed and taking it out on you hopefully we can talk later in the week.

 

She goes No contact for two days. I call her Thursday, she says "youre welcome to come over but we should talk about things."

 

I go over, shes cold, we go for coffee. We talk, she tells "Said she wasn't ready and jumped into it and school is her priority..said she can't give me the time and doesn't want me to be hurt me, she's not looking that forward into the future, she doesn't want me to meet her family, she needs to focus.. asked about friends, I asked if someonebody else "no" but asked about doing a break and I said what kind she said idk while Im home, aka A month I said are we gonna remain exclusive to each other during the break, she said I mean I don't go out looking for other guys but if something happens I don't feel we should have to tell each other.. Asked her for one last roll in the sheets she said no j said ok let me get my coat and left said call me if you change your mind"

 

Did I scare her by being a little pushy? I told her I'd give her all the space she needs to focus on schoolwork and all my BS will stop now, what we have is worth saving, I feel"

 

Did she meet someone else? How do you invite me your big family thing, write me this beautiful letter then go so cold?

 

..She doesn't want me to meet her family now, that really means she doesn't see a future. what doi do? it's been so long since I really started to love someone.

[Forsakenxlove]

It sounds like she really is stressed and may feel that a relationship is too much, the idea of being serious with someone is so nice but ultimately she may not have the energy for it. She could just be mentally barring herself from distractions or emotions to make it easier for her to stay single.

 

It just sounds like she isn't ready I'm not saying she doesn't feel anything for you, because I'm sure she does. She just may need some time before getting into a relationship.

[boltnrun]

"We haven't had sex in like a week and a half"...

"We get too drunk, pass out and don't end up banging"

"I'm like , we havent been intimate in awhile, we should see eachother. I get pushy,"

"Asked her for one last roll in the sheets she said no"

 

Seems like an awful lot of emphasis on sex. And do you usually describe making love with a woman you're in love with as "banging" or a "roll in the sheets"?

 

I wonder if she thinks you're just with her for sex. After all, she is a younger college student.

[MissCanuck]

You two are at very different points in your life. She is trying to finish up school, still going out and partying, having fun.

 

You, presumably, are more established and have more or less left that part of your life behind. I don't think you're compatible at this point.

 

But I have to say, I would be very turned off if I'd just broken up with a guy and he asked me to sleep with him. Dude, really? Do you get what sort of message that sent her? That type of pushiness is not cool. I don't think it's the straw that broke the camel's back, but it will leave with her a less-than-favorable impression of you.

 

I would leave her be. She isn't ready for the type of relationship you're looking for.

[Gotownedbadly]

"We haven't had sex in like a week and a half"...

"We get too drunk, pass out and don't end up banging"

"I'm like , we havent been intimate in awhile, we should see eachother. I get pushy,"

"Asked her for one last roll in the sheets she said no"

 

Seems like an awful lot of emphasis on sex. And do you usually describe making love with a woman you're in love with as "banging" or a "roll in the sheets"?

 

I wonder if she thinks you're just with her for sex. After all, she is a younger college student.

 

It was my own insecurity, feeling like because I didn't she would seek affection elsewhere, when really, just a victim of circumstance, that's why I brought it up so much..

[Gotownedbadly]

You two are at very different points in your life. She is trying to finish up school, still going out and partying, having fun.

 

You, presumably, are more established and have more or less left that part of your life behind. I don't think you're compatible at this point.

 

But I have to say, I would be very turned off if I'd just broken up with a guy and he asked me to sleep with him. Dude, really? Do you get what sort of message that sent her? That type of pushiness is not cool. I don't think it's the straw that broke the camel's back, but it will leave with her a less-than-favorable impression of you.

 

I would leave her be. She isn't ready for the type of relationship you're looking for.

 

 

I told her, do you want to go back to how it was in the beginning? light and easy, I know you're stressed about school and I will back off. She said like "like how, you mean like friends?" I can't be friends with someone i've fallen in love with, never works. So I told her so. Also, I know.. I didnt really mean it I just wanted to put a feeler out there to see if she was still attracted to me. I feel so ty, like its all my fault I was too pushy..controlling.. but I also did so many good things for her and told her I'd give her the world, meant it too. Sigh. Guess I just have to let it go and see what happens. maybe there really is someone else.

[Gotownedbadly]

I just add that, her last boyfriend that was serious passed away, after they had broken up, about a year and change ago. Does that change the dynamic? Maybe hses scared of getting close with someone again at that level? But this heartfelt card she wrote me 7 DAYS ago, I don't understand how it could change so quickly. She was so sweet.. when i asked, do you still want me to meet your family? "shakes her head, no" Oh like a dagger.. like a dagger.

[Ms Darcy]

How long were you dating? one month?

 

If so, I would just say relationships are super fickle in the beginning. Don't sweat it.

[jah123]

It might seem complicated for you and you might not know what's actually going on, but in fact what she's doing is quite simple and a it's a part of human nature.

Obviously, at the beginning of every relationship it's hot, it's boiling, it's sparkling..it's a honey moon. But after a few months comes reality and one can discover that the relationship isn't actutally working for him/her. She just lost her sparkle or maybe didn't even catch the sparkle.

Leave her alone. Trying or begging her to come back is not a way to go. Just leave her and don't contact her again for your own good. I've been through this sh*t a couple of times and trust me - it's the best you can do for yourself.

[MissCanuck]

I just add that, her last boyfriend that was serious passed away, after they had broken up, about a year and change ago. Does that change the dynamic? Maybe hses scared of getting close with someone again at that level? But this heartfelt card she wrote me 7 DAYS ago, I don't understand how it could change so quickly. She was so sweet.. when i asked, do you still want me to meet your family? "shakes her head, no" Oh like a dagger.. like a dagger.

 

Oddly enough, I also lost an ex-boyfriend, within a month of splitting up. It was horrific and affected me very deeply.

 

I wasn't ready to date again for while, and it was hard to let someone get close to me after that. So yes, that could indeed factor into her not wanting to be with anyone right now. I entered a new relationship about 1.5 years after he passed, and it was not good. I wasn't ready and I knew I wasn't dating this new guy for the right reasons. In other words, I realized I was seeking comfort and some way to alleviate the pain, rather than dating him because I was truly into him. So, I called it off after a couple months.

 

Having said that, it doesn't change the situation now. Her seemingly sudden turnaround may or may not be related to her loss. If it is, then there really isn't anything you can do but respect and accept her choice. It's not something you can support her though, for example.

 

If this breakup is unrelated to her ex having passed, then, well, same as above. You told her how you felt, made your apologies, and there's not much more to be done right now. She had a change of heart somewhere. Perhaps she met someone else. Maybe she realized it was getting too intense and she doesn't want to commit yet. She is still quite young.

[DaNgeRTasTiC]

I dated a girl for about 5 years that lost her boyfriend about a year before we were together. It is hard, it takes work and you have to be very patient.

 

Also, you keep wondering how the "heartfelt note" that was just written 7 days ago and her attitude can change....

 

I can personally guarantee you that is possible to push a girl away with your behavior faster than 7 days. Especially when you're mentioning sex so often. Girls, when stressed...are usually not thinking about sex. Especially banging or rolling in the sheets how you describe it. Was there any romance at all when you tried?

Did you ever encourage her through her schooling or tell her how proud you were? I wasnt there so I don't know, but I have a wife that is I school and I know how it goes.

You have to be understanding.

It sounds like she is trying to break up without being mean. Don't fault her for it and if you play your cards right and support her, things will pick up later on. Don't push it and she won't push you away further.

 

Girls either remember how nice the guy treated them or what a jerk they are