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My girlfriend is still very close friends with a friend she slept with


jenkinsbob623

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Background info: my girlfriend was a bit "loose" throughout high school. She isnt proud of it, so i dont know details, but its safe to say she has slept with a large number of guys. She has a lot of close male friends. Probably 50% of her close friends are male. She has told me that she once slept with one of them, but it was a while ago and they both agreed it was a mistake. I havent met him yet (me and her are at the same college but live far apart), but I know his name and she texts him somewhat frequently (but not an abnormal amount for a friend-thats not what worries me). However, she spends a lot of time hanging out with him when she is home from college, and its usually just him and her. I told her I dont mind her still being friends with him, because Im trying to be trusting and not restrictive, but she spends more time with him than anyone else when she isnt at college. For example, she returned home today and is "chilling" with him tonight. They also both like to smoke, and she has even told me she gets aroused after smoking. Furthermore, we usually have a sexually active relationship (sex almost every day). But, even though last night/this morning was the last time I am going to see her for a couple weeks, she wasnt in the mood for sex (we had also smoked, so she usually would be horny). We also have not had sex since 3 days ago. The fact that she wasn't in the mood for sex despite our upcoming time apart, and that she is spending her first night back "chilling" with just him, and that she didn't want to have sex leading up to her leaving, worries me a lot. I can't tell her i want her to stop hanging out with him, because they have been friends for several years, but I am very worried that, at the very least, she is still attracted to him, or at the worst she is sleeping with him. What should I do? She has never given me a reason not to trust her, so I want to, but recent events are making me wonder. Because if she lied to me about this, she is a very good liar.

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How long have you been together?? If you're in a serious relationship, I'd say hanging out one on one with a guy is a no-no. If you're in a new or fairly casual relationship, then maybe wait it out. (For reference....) After about 4 months of dating, my now husband and I agreed that we wouldn't spend time alone with an opposite sex friend unless it was a mutual, trusted friend.

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We've been together for about 3 months now. So I guess I can wait a little longer and then talk to her about it, and tell her it makes me uncomfortable and ask her to not spend time one on one with him. Thanks

 

When you feel the need to tell her how this makes you feel, you're already headed into a downward spiral. As an adult, she knows this is inconsiderate and disrespectful towards you.

 

Either way, I'm not buying her story, and neither should you, (imo).

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