Question about projection.

[BCToxic]

First of all i would like to thank everyone for helping me out on my last thread. Im better.

Now i have a small question, issue and i would like someone to try to explain it to me.

Whenever i think of my girlfriend going to a party or a celebration, i think of her dancing and singing. She really isnt the type of person to go to such events, but sometimes she has to.

Thinking of that makes me sick and anxious. Why is that? Do i subconciously imagine her dancing the way that she should, eg that would hurt me, whatever?

She is a rather calm and "bored" person but just thinking about this makes me feel weird.

Thank you for any advices and yes im aware this is kinda stupid, im just going through some bad stages of teen years.

note: i hate dancing and singing

[RainyCoast]

next time the vision intrudes, picture her singing and dancing in a clumsy elephant costume.

[Wiseman2]

Are you the jealous or insecure type? What would make you fantasize about something she's not even inclined to do?

[RainyCoast]

note: i hate dancing and singing

because they are attention grabbing activities?

 

this is what i said last time:

no, you don't appreciate that when the other is revealed as desirable, contrasting your perception of yourself as undesirable, your fear of abandonment kicks in and you need them to be smaller and worse than they are so you'll be "good enough to keep them".

 

so i think if you neutralise the fear that if she comes off as desirable to others you will be abandoned on the imagery level (which is a conglomerate of your thoughts and feelings about it), you may not feel like you need to control situations externally to prevent abandonment (which would be controlling, and you already understand it'd be inappropriate and undeserved because she isn't the type to seek attention from other males).

 

you can also do a sort of reverse imaging when you get these ideas. number one remember she doesn't do that stuff. number two, manipulate the idea. imagine that she has been called on stage to sing and dance and everyone is waiting. the realistic thing to happen is what you want to imagine next. she looks embarrassed and awkward and goes "ehm...thanks...but...i really don't like that stuff."

 

or you could picture her singing and dancing and running to hug you, to dispell the fear that others' attention and approval will make her want to leave you.

[Wiseman2]

because they are attention grabbing activities?

]

[lostandhurt]

You are projecting your severe insecurities onto your gf which as you know is totally unfair.

 

Your insecurities will make your worse fear come true, her dumping you for someone else.

 

Listen you are only 17 and have a lot of things going on in your body right now so freaking out a little once in a while may be unnerving but not all that uncommon.

 

You are way ahead of most in that you accept that this is your problem, not hers so feel good about that okay. Next I would talk to my parents about how you feel. Don't go into specifics, just describe the anxiety and insecurities and ask them to make an appointment to see your doctor. Most people don't understand that their MD can actually help and or refer you to someone that can. My son actually saw someone for a while that helped him a great deal.

 

Please talk to your parents as these feelings and thoughts are not something you can tackle alone anytime soon. You reached out for help here, reach out to your doctor, they can help.

 

Lost

[BCToxic]

thanks again, i hope it will kind of go away after a while.

Thanks a lot

[BCToxic]

Hello, Rainy, i found all your answers very helpful, could you please somehow contact me? I would really like it if we could talk a bit. Thanks

[BCToxic]

because they are attention grabbing activities?

 

this is what i said last time:

 

so i think if you neutralise the fear that if she comes off as desirable to others you will be abandoned on the imagery level (which is a conglomerate of your thoughts and feelings about it), you may not feel like you need to control situations externally to prevent abandonment (which would be controlling, and you already understand it'd be inappropriate and undeserved because she isn't the type to seek attention from other males).

 

you can also do a sort of reverse imaging when you get these ideas. number one remember she doesn't do that stuff. number two, manipulate the idea. imagine that she has been called on stage to sing and dance and everyone is waiting. the realistic thing to happen is what you want to imagine next. she looks embarrassed and awkward and goes "ehm...thanks...but...i really don't like that stuff."

 

or you could picture her singing and dancing and running to hug you, to dispell the fear that others' attention and approval will make her want to leave you.

 

What if i cannot neutralise that fear?