He dosent trust me

[Dakota2069]

Hi, I'm not sure if I posted this in the correct forum. This is my first time here.

Anyway, I recently broke up with my man because he never trusted me. We were together 2.5 years, we went to high school together and then reconnected decades later. Everything was perfect, amazing, wonderful- he was everything I ever wanted now.

He started asking me where I going, what I was going to wear, then started asking me to take pictures where I was. He began doing this when I was at work- I work out on the road alot and he was constantly asking me to take pics, and if I didn't answer when he called on the first time- I was cheating on him. I know he's a very insecure man so I allowed so much because of that. I just couldn't deal with it anymore. It seems so dramatic. I've done everything to live this man, give him everything, show him daily and it's not enough.

I'm not being conceded but I'm a very good looking 41yo. I'm 125 pds, hair down to my button, very fit, etc- but I'm in love with him and only want him. He is gorgeous to me! I don't know how to get him to see this. Anything I do, or anywhere I go is a constant fight.

We broke up last week, texted a little but not much. I'm not sure if I should try again with him- I don't think he will ever change.

 

[Seraphim]

No, he won't change . Nothing you ever do will be any good to make him not insecure .HE has to fix that himself. You cannot fix this for him . And the more you feed the insecurity monster the worse he will get . Don't get back together with this man .

[MissCanuck]

You did the right thing, OP.

 

I have an ex who started doing similar things to me. Guess who was the one cheating?

 

Hint: not me.

[rntalks]

Hi, I'm not sure if I posted this in the correct forum. This is my first time here.

Anyway, I recently broke up with my man because he never trusted me. We were together 2.5 years, we went to high school together and then reconnected decades later. Everything was perfect, amazing, wonderful

 

 

I agree with Victoria66, he has to change himself. Go along your way to the man who is complete in himself.

[j.man]

No one needs someone like that in their life. Just watch a Lifetime movie if you catch yourself needing a fix of that kind of drama.

 

If you've really got hair down to your belly button (that's a pretty bold claim), I'm sure you'll have no problem bagging a champ.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately he sounds very controlling. You were wise to break up with him. Your looks have nothing to do with this type of abuse or this type of jealous possessive man. You must go no contact and block him, he's not going to change.

He started asking me where I going, what I was going to wear, then started asking me to take pictures where I was. He began doing this when I was at work- I work out on the road alot and he was constantly asking me to take pics, and if I didn't answer when he called on the first time- I was cheating on him.

[ParisPaulette]

These are clear red flags of someone who is controlling, paranoid, and can quite possibly turn abusive. It's one thing to be a little insecure if you're both at a party and you are circled by men flirting with you while he stands aside being ignored. The jealousy has a reason then, but what you describe? Absolutely not. That is someone who sees you as a possession or doll to be controlled and that is NOT and never will be a healthy relationship.

 

He would only ever change if he thought this was a very real problem of his and he could acknowledge himself as being totally irrational and not seeing you as a person who has a right to their own life without massive control. And most people of that type, sadly, are not ever going to see that or change it, because the very thing that would stop that type of behavior - self-awareness and the ability to have true empathy and understanding of human nature - is the very thing they lack in the first place and part of the reason they are the way they are.

 

In short, maybe if he crossed a line and went to jail over it and ended up losing everything and even could put two and two together that his own actions caused it he might, in a very long shot, change after a blip ton of therapy - we're talking years here.

 

You can also go out and I believe probably find a unicorn, the genuine deal, before that will happen. From someone who spent 16 years in a profession helping people who were in abusive relationships. I've seen it twice in my entire lifetime and you do not want to know what that man and that woman had to have happen to them before they got it and "woke up" so to speak. It took near death and prison for both of them to change, so yeah that's not something that just happens 'cause someone says it's gonna.

 

Leave and don't look back. Go get some therapy to examine why you'd even contemplate someone like that in your life, because it's also a warning sign that things were not so good on your end if you were willing to give someone like that a shot to begin with. Being "gorgeous" has nothing to do with it. One of the best looking people I ever met in my life put his wife in the hospital in traction, to her he was a monster that she then had to do battle with daily to get away from until he finally died of cancer. And I know her personal struggle and it has served as a warning to me ever since that if they're ugly on the inside it just does not matter what that outer shell looks like, it's just a shell and it won't save you when crap goes sideways anyways.

 

Go look up stories about abusive relationships where the person is oh so charming and wonderful and then turns jealous and controlling. Spend a few days reading that, compare those actions against his, and that should wake you up. Hopefully.