feeling like i'm not wanted

[cuddly]

about a month ago my partners niece ring asking us to go to her christmas meal at a pub. i was working at the time and that far ahead i wouldnt had known my shift rota. so i said i didnt know whether i could go until the works rota came out. but then about two weeks ago i quit my job (long story was being bullied at work) so i say to my partner i could go to this meal now. my partner said the menu's had already gone in. the way she said it was like she didnt want me to go with her. i said to her this is a pub not a fancy restaurant i'm sure they can fit one more in so she said she would ask her sister (nieces mother) well i couldnt hear the other side of the conversation but my partner said her sister was going to ring the pub and ask. and then when my partner spoke to her again it was ok for me to go ,i asked about putting my menu in but my partner said no need to as i could order on the day. but this is where i'm suspicious of my partner not wanting me there. she told me she had sent her niece her menu choice just after she had first rang. i was on my partners email checking on something she had sent off for me . but there was no sent emails of menu's . so last night i casually asked her how did she send her menu choice to her niece and did she email it,she said no via facebook. so just to satisfy myself my partner was telling the truth i checked her facebook just now i dont usually go on her pc. but there was no message about menu's there either. i think i know why she doesn't want me to go . you see we have dogs and i refuse to leave them for long periods of time,its called being a responsible dog owner. but my partner thinks nothing of it saying they will be fine for 8 hours. our dogs are not use to being left for long periods of time and we know no one who could come and let them out. anyway when discussing what time we would leave for this meal my partner insisted we leave around 1.30pm,the venue is 90 minutes car drive and the meal isnt until 5.30pm . she said she wanted to spend some time with her sister before we all go for the meal. when i said that was too early she sniped if i wasnt going she would be leaving at 10am. she will be spending all day at her sisters boxing day so i cant see her problem . the last meal we went to with her niece and sister they had a large group of friends as well and one of these friends talked so much he was taking ages to finish his courses and we all had to wait for him between courses and it took hours to actually finish this meal.that same friend of theirs will be there this time. so as the meals at 5.30pm it wont be until about 6.15pm until the food starts being served and we will be lucky to be finished by 8pm then there might be hold ups in the traffic on the way home as there always is from there.

so what would you do? just say your not going and stay home with your dogs . i mean if you felt unwanted by your partner would you still go ?

i know the dog lovers out there will understand where i'm coming from about leaving our dogs for that long. i must add a few weeks ago we sadly lost one of our dogs and one of our other dogs was brought up with him and she really misses him another reason why i dont want to go leaving them for 8 hours and knowing my partner 8 hours will turn to 10 hours.as shes done it quite a few times we have agreed on a time to leave somewhere but her family have talked her into staying longer.

[j.man]

I'd dump you, to be honest. That was exhausting to read, much less be on the receiving end of.

 

First of all, even assuming she did lie, so what? It was her family's Christmas meal, not a couples retreat with all your taken friends. If she wants to enjoy some family time with family, that should be her prerogative without you feeling the need to invade her privacy on two occasions back-to-back.

 

Secondly, running with the theme of her potentially having lied, it is a shame on her moment, but it also is a time to reflect on what a partner of ours isn't comfortable telling us the truth. You seem to have identified the root of it possibly being that you get unhinged if the dog gets left home for more than 8 hours. What's telling to me is that when she said she wants to meet with her sister prior to the dinner, you say it's "too early." No, it's not early. That just means if you don't like it, you stay home.

 

another reason why i dont want to go leaving them for 8 hours and knowing my partner 8 hours will turn to 10 hours.as shes done it quite a few times we have agreed on a time to leave somewhere but her family have talked her into staying longer.

So holy ****, don't go. The level of audacity behind going through her private correspondences and giving her crap for something you're not even sure you want to go to and want to restrict her with time limits on is incredible.

 

BTW, I love dogs, too. My grandmother who helps raised me took in rescues all the time and always had 5 at any given time. If your dog can't be alone for 8 hours, that's a problem with how they've been raised and handled.

[DaNgeRTasTiC]

Holy moly I wouldn't want you there either. Not to be harsh and not trying to discredit your feelings. I'm sure it's hurting you, but she wants to go spend time with her family and you're worried about the dogs. Which means she would have to leave before she wanted just to be home for the dogs. They are dogs. Put the TV on and leave food and water.

 

I don't own dogs for this reason. I refuse to keep dogs, first because I have a son. And second, sometimes we go to dinner at my in laws.

 

Have you considered driving separate? I do that all the time if I know I won't want to stay long and don't want my wife and son to miss out. Ask.

 

Also, you have no problem confronting her about the menu, why don't you confront her about the entire situation instead of snooping? It sounds like a serious lack of communication on both ends. Her and you.

Again not trying to be harsh, but from where I'm standing it looks like you're being a little unreasonable.

 

Communication. Trust. Those are big parts in a relationship. If you felt unwanted from the start then why keep pushing?

[Wiseman2]

First you couldn't go then after everything was arranged, you changed your mind and then they tried to accommodate you.

 

Are they paying for it all? Don't go if it's too inconvenient for you.

my partner said the menu's had already gone in. this is where i'm suspicious of my partner not wanting me there. 6.15pm until the food starts being served and we will be lucky to be finished by 8pm then there might be hold ups in the traffic on the way home as there always is from there.

[DancingFool]

Seems like a simple solution would be she goes early and enjoys some family time, you take care of the dogs and arrive later, in time for dinner. There is no reason for you to go exactly together or to dictate how much time your partner spends with her family. That way you can both relax and actually enjoy the time out without fretting and fighting over the dogs or dictating when to go, how long to stay, etc.

[Ms Darcy]

First you couldn't go then after everything was arranged, you changed your mind and then they tried to accommodate you.

 

This.

 

So holy ****, don't go. The level of audacity behind going through her private correspondences and giving her crap for something you're not even sure you want to go to and want to restrict her with time limits on is incredible.

 

BTW, I love dogs, too. My grandmother who helps raised me took in rescues all the time and always had 5 at any given time. If your dog can't be alone for 8 hours, that's a problem with how they've been raised and handled.

 

And this.

 

You were invited, you declined, and you rather rudely expected yourself to be inserted after plans were made.

 

Your girlfriend (I'm guessing not wife) wants to be able to spend a day with her family. And instead of supporting that you violate her privacy, insist on going, and complain about how long it would take.

 

Also agree with Jman about the dogs. Most dog owners are away from their dogs 8-10 hours a day. It's called having a full-time job .... which most owners go to in order to afford the home, food, vet care that their dogs need.

 

I think you need to apologize to your gf and ask for her forgiveness. And if she does actually want you to come despite that, just go to the dinner separately and leave when you need to.