Bothered by the little things

[KA1976]

So, long story short, I'm 40 and met my current girlfriend on Tinder in August. We've been dating since the first week of September, and I'm head over heels for this girl.

 

During the get to know you phase, we both did the whole "digging through facebook" thing to see old pics, read posts, etc. One thing i noticed was that she posted a TON of pics of her and her friends (guys and girls), and had lots and lots of pics still up with her and her ex husband. I'm pretty active on Facebook, and I tag lots of people, and post pics fairly often, which it seemed she did, too.

 

But in the three+ months we've been dating, she hasn't posted one pic of us, and really hasn't tagged me in anything other than a passing status she posted.

 

I don't know why it bothers me as much as it does, but it's really getting in my head. Why post pics of guy friends as recently as days before we started dating, and then post nothing with the guy she says she's in love with? In fairness, she hasn't posted pics of anybody but her daughter and her in that same time frame.

 

Help me out here. I do I get over something so little and insignificant that is looming so large in my mind?

[Hollyj]

Have you met her family and friends?

[KA1976]

Have you met her family and friends?

 

Met a handful of her friends and all of her kids. Her daughter and my girls get along great. Shoot, she and I get along great. It's just that nagging feeling, you know? I'm probably overthinking it.

[Waraqqa]

If there are other things in the relationship that are not great or there are conflicts, then I'd see it as connected. But if everything else is going great, then there is no reason to worry about this one thing.

Also, nothing is ever perfect, even when it's wonderful. So, if everything else is great, then maybe this is one tiny little thing that isn't as perfect as you'd like. Maybe that makes it more normal?

 

Or if it bothers you too much, perhaps you could carefully and casually bring it up/ask/suggest to post and tag at least a couple of your photos together. But be extremely careful that it shouldn't sound upset or confrontational. I made tons of mistakes in my last relationship when I totally misperceived smth, and by bringing it up offended him, b/c in reality there were some totally good explanations and the 'issue' was only in my head, so in retrospect I wish I had let it slide and had trusted that it was fine.

 

Also, if you take any photos of you two together, what stops you from posting them on your timeline and just tagging her? Unless she is very private and likes to maintain her timeline a particular way - but it doesn't seem to be the case.

Or is it that you are bothered that She herself hasn't done it? If I were you, I'd post and tag it myself in the way most people do, and not worry about where the initiative came from. Some women like men to take these kind of initiatives rather than do it themselves for the first few times. And besides, you were only together a short time, your relationship is fairly new. Perhaps do this in a natural way (without appearing like you are trying to mark your territory or make some kind of a point), and then see how it goes.

[Wiseman2]

It's best to focus on real things such as how well you get along in person. How long has she been divorced? He's the father of her children and you'll never change that so if there are old pics of him on social media, who cares?

 

Stop creeping her fb for every play-by-play making yourself suspicious of everything. What's the real problem? Are you exclusive? How's the relationship going?

 

Are you on the rebound from a nasty divorce with all sorts of distrust and suspicion? Where is all this baggage coming from in such a new relationship?

I don't know why it bothers me as much as it does, but it's really getting in my head. she hasn't posted pics of anybody but her daughter and her in that same time frame

[Liraele]

As a single mom, I can tell you that I don't post things like that, either...and certainly not after just a few months. I'd consider having met the kiddos a significant step in the right direction - I've dated people who never met my children because I didn't feel like I could count on them to be around for the long term.

 

Facebook isn't something you should worry about so much. If it's really bothering you, though, the best approach is just to ask her why.

[katrina1980]

Really bad idea doing the whole "digging through FB thing."

 

You get to know each other by talking to each other and spending time together.

 

I don't even utilize FB anymore, profile is hidden. And I don't visit other's FB either.

 

Facebook has destroyed many relationships.

 

So stop stalking her page and chill out.

 

A few of my friends don't post photos of their bf either.

 

In fact, a few haven't even *friended* their bfs, and their access page is on *private, friends* only.

 

So their bfs can't even see anything.

 

Better that way.

 

Your gf's FB should have nothing to do with your relationship imho.

 

If you don't trust her, that is a separate issue.

[Hollyj]

I disabled my FB long ago, as I thought it was a complete waste of time - would rather connect with friends in other ways. Listen, if everything else is good, and she is incorporating you into her world, then what's the problem! Your anxiety over this issue could lead to bigger problems. Chill!

[lostandhurt]

Let me ask you this.

 

If there was no such thing as FB how would you feel about the relationship right now? Be honest.

 

Go with your own answer and ignore any social media crap.

 

Lost

[DancingFool]

If you gauge the health of your relationship by FB posts....I dare say your relationship won't last long. Maybe try to focus on what is happening in real life - relationship, quality time together, communication, people who actually matter knowing you are together and spending real life face time with them socializing, etc. You know...real stuff.....

[KA1976]

Let me ask you this.

 

If there was no such thing as FB how would you feel about the relationship right now? Be honest.

 

Go with your own answer and ignore any social media crap.

 

Lost

 

I love her to death. But I fear that her not posting about us, etc means that she's ashamed or embarassed? Even though I've met a few of her friends? I dunno.

[KA1976]

Thanks for the input, everybody.

 

In "real life" she says she loves me and I'm one of the best things that's ever happened to her. I know I feel the same about her. I still have a little mental block/issue with not posting about me/us, but that's a me thing, not a her thing. I'd just hate for there to be any embarrassment in me, or a lack of pride. I want to show everybody who I found because I feel so incredibly lucky. But that's just how I am. I'm working on taking her at her word and focusing on just that. I'm a notorious overthinker, which I understand does not help at all. I'm getting there.