my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me, i am depressed, sad a and lonely

[moyosola]

I have felt so lonely since my boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago. I have known him for 5 years and been in a relationship for 4. We met through a friend but were in different countries at the time. We fell in love pretty quickly and did not get to see each other until a year and a half after talking over the phone. The girl i met him through had told him i didn’t not have a boyfriend at the time and i kept it that way (because i had a boyfriend but the relationship was practically over, we were not speaking anymore but i was still in love with him and had not officially broken up). anyway, fast forward to 6 months into meeting this new guy, he found out about my boyfriend who was now ex and from then on things had never been the same. i was already very much in love but he was always so angry and every time he got angry he got abusive and aggressive, i appealed to him to let us get past it and he agreed because he was also in love with me, eventually we saw, i went to visit him and i found out he had another girlfriend in the country he was in, he had started dating her just after he found out about my ex boyfriend.

 

Then my own trust issues started, there was not only that one, there were more but she was the main side chick, we will always fight and makeup, breakup and make up, soon after, he broke up with me because i confessed about other guys i had been with in a bid to better the relationship but he was such a bitter person and never forgave anything i said or did to him. he carried on dating his other girlfriend and i was so heartbroken, i would text him begging him to come back he would send me stinkers, telling me he can never be with me again and call me a . the pain was so much i moved to his country few months after i stopped contacting him, worst decision of my life i must say, i got there and he came looking for me because his mum had told him i was coming, he threatened me to stay out of his lane on the first day we saw but eventually we tried to be cool, he helped me get a place but had particularly told me he could never leave his girlfriend for me.

 

I started seeing someone else, a very nice and completely sweet guy, 6months later i found out this guy had a girlfriend but we were able to move past it and remained best of friends knowing we had fallen in love with each other, one year later, my boyfriend comes back to me, begging and pleading that he has left the girl and wants me back and this was it, he was going to do it right this time, i explained to him how difficult it will be disconnecting this new guy that i had maintained a very close relationship with, he said we walk through it together and get through it all, so i got back with him, few months later he asked me to move in with him because my rent had expired and i couldn’t afford a place anymore, i was so excited and i thought finally it was all coming together, we even got two dogs and it was like a complete family, although i did not like that his brother lived with us because it restricted my movement in the house, soon after i was able to disconnect the other guy i was with and was completely focused on my boyfriend, ready to give it my all.

i then went on a trip to london, paid by my boyfriend, upon returning i found out he had had a girl over, i was torn. he begged and we moved past it or i thought we had until i had to go to london again for 4 days and found out he went back to this girl, that was the beginning of all the paranoia, losing myself, and pain. i felt i always had to be by his side otherwise he will cheat, my career was suffering immensely and i didn’t even realize it, all this didn’t stop him, he still had a lot of girls he was texting and seeing, his ex girlfriend inclusive, i started feeling i was not good enough and whenever i see a girl with a big bum because thats his spec i will feel intimidated.

 

i kept trying to move on thinking he will change but things only got worse, he started saying i was choking him and invading his private space by searching his phone, i will want to break up, he will beg, so i always stayed. fast forward to 2 weeks ago, he suggested that i move back to my country and we do long distance, i refused and said that can never work. he also said he didn’t want us living together anymore because the bills had gotten too much and he was paying most of it. i begged that i wanted to stay and we will make something work, he refused.

 

Soon after he said he did not even want to be in the relationship anymore, so i bought a ticket and came back home. i still have so much stuff in his house that i do not know what to do with because shipping cost so much. when got in i did not contact him, he contacted me and said he wanted us to be friends and slowly work his way back. i felt he didn’t want to be with me anymore and just wanted to be friends so he doesn’t feel guilty so i said very little even though i wanted to say more, but i find i have become so bitter, sad and lonely, i am back home with no job, and so much time has gone by with my old friends its hard to reconnect.

 

One week after, i told him i did not want him contacting me anymore, he kept insisting on friendship but has now stopped talking, even when he was contacting me he will contact me like once a day but say really sweet things like he misses and loves me, now that he has stopped reaching out, i cant help but send him messages saying i think he has a new girl and i am very hurt because my whole world seems thorn apart, please does anyone have any advice as to what to do next, i know about the no contact rule but it i so hard just disconnecting someone that i am so used to.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to say, but there was not much of a relationship. Moving there broke so he eventually had to take you in while he had a gf and never even asked you to move to his country is a recipe for disaster.

 

You don't just run to another country unannounced and uninvited hoping to move in and be supported by some guy you barely know.

 

It's good you moved back home even though this was an expensive lesson in LDR as well as chasing guys this hard. See if your family can help you with the shipping costs to get your stuff.

 

In the meantime try to move forward and heal and reflect on why you would run after someone who doesn't want to be with you.

did not get to see each other until a year and a half after talking over the phone. the pain was so much i moved to his country few months. he helped me get a place but had particularly told me he could never leave his girlfriend for me. few months later he asked me to move in with him because my rent had expired and i couldn’t afford a place anymore. i did not like that his brother lived with us. he started saying i was choking him and he suggested that i move back to my country. i bought a ticket and came back home.

[moyosola]

thank you so much, your response is very helpful and will work towards that

[charlotteali]

Oki, my suggestion- you need to learn how to be alone and single. Really, do not be so obsessed about always having some guy in the backburner. Learn to love yourself even when you are single. Right now your actions indicate that you have a problem with it.