Stressed and anxious. Please help.

[aurora09]

I am 26 years old, married and I have a 6 months old daughter. I have a full time office job, working in my husband's business. Since I graduated from university a few years ago, the only leave I took from work was for a month after I had my daughter. She was 30 days old when I went back to work, and I ceased breastfeeding. My work hours are demanding, and the clients are even more demanding. My husband and I started the business not long after I graduated from university. Back then, we had nothing. Over the years, we worked very hard, bought our home and investment property, and recently signed contracts and paid deposit for a better home in a better suburb (which also means more stress). My parents are extremely helpful and supportive, and look after my daughter when I am at work.

 

As the days go by, I start feeling and thinking that I may have mental health issues. I am constantly stressed and agitated at work. I can get extremely impatient when I talk to my husband at times. Sometimes, I don't even want to listen to him talk, and I get annoyed at listening to him speak. I often snap at him. From time to time I feel like he is not doing enough at work as I don't see him "process" the work, and I get very annoyed at that. He has told me two times already that if I disrespect him again (i.e. raise my voice, snap at him), I will lose him. I understand the seriousness of his words, but I just can't help it at times. I don't know how to control my temper and frustration.

 

At times I feel like other than watching my daughter grow up, there isn't any other positive meaning or purpose in my life. I wake up in the morning, hold my baby while I have breakfast, leave for work, stay in the office for at least 10 days from Monday to Friday often working under stress and pressure from clients, and when I get home from work, my daughter is sometimes asleep already. I am constantly under pressure to "make money" and "make things happen". I need to pay the mortgage, settle our new home, raise a child, pay the business expenses and many many many other obligations. I feel that the happiness that is left in my life has been flushed out. I wish I could spend more time with my daughter. However, when I am at home, I am often too tired to hold her for long and play with her. I feel guilty and sad.

 

I am stuck in a bubble. Other than my husband, my daughter, my parents, and my colleagues (who they see as their boss's wife) and clients, I don't have contact with other people. I don't have friends who I can speak to about my feelings and concerns. Actually, I don't have friends. Other than typing this out in front of my computer, I don't have anyone who I can speak to about this. Growing up, I have always had friends in primary school, high school, and university who I spend time with in class, talk to about homework and assignments with, and have lunch with. However, it is very difficult for me to make close friends who I can talk to about my problems and concerns. I am so lonely, empty and closed.

 

I told my husband that I may have mental health and anxiety issues. He rejected my diagnosis. I don't think he understands me. I don't know how long I can go living a life like this. I want to dig a hole and bury myself.

 

What can I do to possibly make things better? Please help.

[Edmund Exley]

As a husband of a woman who has anxiety issues, I understand your husband's dismissal. It was only after years of seeing my wife lose control that I realized "You're crazy" and "Just get over it" weren't the answer or anything she could actually change.

 

Are you seeing a therapist for your anxiety?

[JA0371]

I think you need a vacation for starters. Maybe delegate some of your work to someone else you trust, and take some time for yourself so that you can distance yourself emotionally from your hectic life. Being successful is great, but so is being happy and being happy is NOT all about money or material things. Maybe you need to give some things up in order to regain some of your sanity and happiness. If you're this disconnected from your life, there is no way you can connect with your child the way you need to....and the way she needs you to.

[Wiseman2]

Quit. Let him hire other people. It sounds like your husband being your "boss" is not working out at all. Talk to your supportive parents about your marital problems and whatever help they can offer..

 

Stop telling your husband that you have mental health issues, just quit. Be honest that chasing after all these excessive material things is not what you want in life.

working in my husband's business. I am constantly under pressure to "make money" and "make things happen". I wish I could spend more time with my daughter. I told my husband that I may have mental health and anxiety issues.

[Andrina]

Your life is already stressful, and will be more stressful since it looks like you might have bit off more than you can chew with a higher mortgage. If it's not too late to pull out, even if it means losing a deposit, I would. Life's too short to spend at a job you don't like, and to not be able to spend quality time with your child.

 

As much as I love my husband, I wouldn't want to work with him. And it's not working for you two, so much that he's threatening divorce.

 

Someone else can do your job. Get another one that is less stressful with fewer hours. I don't think you need a therapist. When you are working normal hours in a job you enjoy and get to spend quality time with your child, I have a feeling you'll start feeling much better. If your husband doesn't understand that you're at your breaking point and need some major changes in your life, then oh well. Let the chips fall where they may but you need to do what's best for you, and especially for your child.

 

After that, you can join a mommy and me group in the area so you can have other mothers to chat with and possibly strike up some new friendships. Take care and let us know how it goes.

[Stuck]

It sounds like it might work out better if you had a job separate from your husband.

 

It would put less of a strain on your relationship with him and allow you to get to know some colleagues, maybe make friends with some of them.

It might also allow you to cut you work hours a bit to give you more free time.

 

It might mean a bit of initial bother for your husband to hire and train someone new, but for the sake of your relationship it might be the better solution. Try talking to him about it.

Good luck!