Did he cross a line for first date?

[Chorichori]

We met through a online dating site. We went for coffee I guess he saw that I was normal so then he took me to a fancy place for dinner. We talked and it seemed alright. He was being a little serious and even metioned he was himself. He is about 6 years older than me. After dinner he started to 'joke' around and it got annoying. I guess he was trying to impress me or get to my 'age level' idk

I suggested we watch a movie and we'll even before we got to the movie he kissed me. This issue is he got way too touchy during the movie. I told him I was uncomfortable and he would apologize but start all over again. He was touching me in places I wouldn't want someone to touch me on the first date. I think the alarming part was how he got a little aggressive. He started to bite my hand after kissing it and even tug my hair where I had to say stop it hurts.

I ended up asking to levae before the movie ended. I haven't been on a date in a while but is this normal? To be this sexual on the first date?

[notalady]

No not normal if you said to stop and he doesn't, aggression is not normal.

 

Listen to your gut and getting out of there is the right things to do, as you did.

[HeartGoesOn]

No, it's not normal, and to put it bluntly he doesn't sound normal, either. Kick him to the curb...

[Chorichori]

Thank you

I felt very uncomfortable and violated. I feel like he completely disrespected me and that I did not deserve to be treated that way. I should be respected to a much higher degree.

[HeartGoesOn]

^

Absolutely, and you should be proud of yourself for the way you handled it.

 

 

[Ms Darcy]

That's weird. Definitely don't see him again.

[Chorichori]

I'm hitting that block button right now.

[j.man]

No, not normal as far as the hair tugging and biting goes. Definitely weird and a red flag.

 

That out of the way, movies on a first date is a horrible idea. I wouldn't go that route until you are at the point of being comfortable getting at least a little bit handsy. Also, not that it'd be your fault, but it's also best to avoid fancy dinners on the first date, or any decent investment on the guy's end for that matter, so as to filter out guys who would treat it more as a transaction than a getting-to-know-you. Take it a bit easier when first meeting someone.

[Chorichori]

No, not normal as far as the hair tugging and biting goes. Definitely weird and a red flag.

 

That out of the way, movies on a first date is a horrible idea. I wouldn't go that route until you are at the point of being comfortable getting at least a little bit handsy. Also, not that it'd be your fault, but it's also best to avoid fancy dinners on the first date, or any decent investment on the guy's end for that matter, so as to filter out guys who would treat it more as a transaction than a getting-to-know-you. Take it a bit easier when first meeting someone.

 

As for the transaction part we agreed to meet for coffee originally and then he said he was hungry and decided to take me to an Italian place since I mentioned that I wanted to try Italian food. He chose this place which was pretty fancy.

The dinner went smoothly with just us talking and getting aquatinted it didn't occur to me that this was in fact a transaction on his part where he expected a return.

[ParisPaulette]

Not normal at all. I'd have said I was going for popcorn, BRB, then just booked it out of there because that's not normal. Even for a handsy date who is trying to get laid, that's just a serious red flag of the this one quite possibly won't hear the word no.

 

When I dated everyone got exactly two chances with me on that - if I had to tell them to back off again I was out. And that also meant I always provided my own transportation and they did not get to know where I lived for enough dates to feel safe with them having that information.

 

Block, delete, guy is going to end up with a rap sheet if he doesn't have one already.

[DancingFool]

I'm a bit surprised that you were willing to tolerate as much as you did before finally leaving. When a guy does ANYTHING you didn't invite, he is crossing a line. It doesn't matter if 10 women before you were cool with that. All that matters is that you don't wish to be groped my mr tentacle hands or have him shove his tongue down your throat.

 

Please take this as a lesson learned to be much more cautious going forward. Keep the dates extremely public initially, do not let him walk you to your car. Remember that parking garages, parking lots, etc tend to be empty, sometimes dark and far away from people and help. Ditto for any activity/place that would expose you to being too close or one on one with him where he can have an opportunity to start something. Always always always have an exit plan. Meaning drive yourself, have a taxi number in your phone in case you had a drink and suddenly don't feel so good, etc. Be vigilant with your own safety. 99.99999% of guy will be normal and never do anything to harm you, however it only takes one sick creep to wreck your life.

[greta96]

Not normal, and a strong indication that he just wanted to get laid.

I think you handled it well, and I hope you now block him and never agree to see him again because he won't change.

[DaNgeRTasTiC]

Dating sites are for hook ups. Plain and simple that's what people use them for. Maybe one in a few are there for finding someone to actually date....but people use them for hook ups.

 

I am not trying to justify his behaviour at all..but when you told him stop were you giggling and saying it nice? Or were you very firm in telling him no? Guys are stupid and have a hard time listening. Especially when sex is on the line.

Sorry you had to go through an obvious uncomfortable situation. You didn't deserve that. Dude sounds like a complete tool.

[Wiseman2]

Sounds like a weirdo. Best to delete and block him. In the future keep the first meet brief and tidy and never suggest your place or mine for Netflix and chill.

 

Do not drag out first meets. They are for "getting to know you in person" not implied hookups, unless that is a mutual goal or understanding.

I suggested we watch a movie and we'll even before we got to the movie he kissed me. I ended up asking to levae before the movie ended.

[Sportster2005]

We met through a online dating site. We went for coffee I guess he saw that I was normal so then he took me to a fancy place for dinner. We talked and it seemed alright. He was being a little serious and even metioned he was himself. He is about 6 years older than me. After dinner he started to 'joke' around and it got annoying. I guess he was trying to impress me or get to my 'age level' idk

I suggested we watch a movie and we'll even before we got to the movie he kissed me. This issue is he got way too touchy during the movie. I told him I was uncomfortable and he would apologize but start all over again. He was touching me in places I wouldn't want someone to touch me on the first date. I think the alarming part was how he got a little aggressive. He started to bite my hand after kissing it and even tug my hair where I had to say stop it hurts.

I ended up asking to levae before the movie ended. I haven't been on a date in a while but is this normal? To be this sexual on the first date?

 

It would be normal to a person that would be receptive to this. I suspect that is a small minority. But keep in mind, he acts this way because sometimes it works for him.

 

In these situations the question isn't if it's normal or not. It's a question of what you will accept and not accept. It seems obvious you will not accept this. That's all you need to do. Your life, your rules.

[reinventmyself]

deleted. . . . . .

[reinventmyself]

If you don't mind me saying, you were only here a few days ago still reeling from a traumatic break up.

Maybe consider taking some time before you date.

I think with some more strength and self confidence you might have sussed this guy out before even agreeing to meet him.

[Chorichori]

Dating sites are for hook ups. Plain and simple that's what people use them for. Maybe one in a few are there for finding someone to actually date....but people use them for hook ups.

 

I am not trying to justify his behaviour at all..but when you told him stop were you giggling and saying it nice? Or were you very firm in telling him no? Guys are stupid and have a hard time listening. Especially when sex is on the line.

Sorry you had to go through an obvious uncomfortable situation. You didn't deserve that. Dude sounds like a complete tool.

 

I wasn't aware that dating sites are mostly too hook up. If that's the case I will stay away from them.

No I was not giggling. I pushed away and even moved his hand and told him I was uncomfortable and for him to stop.

[Chorichori]

If you don't mind me saying, you were only here a few days ago still reeling from a traumatic break up.

Maybe consider taking some time before you date.

I think with some more strength and self confidence you might have sussed this guy out before even agreeing to meet him.

 

I was looking for casual dating not a serious relationship. Yes I went through a break up but I don't feel like that completely dismisses the opposite sex from my life completely

As for 'sussing' him out. I mentioned he was from an online dating site. Can't really do that when all you have is online chatting and texting to go by. So even if I did have time to myself before I started dating again I would not have been able to filter this guy out before meeting him since my only form of contact with him was via the internet.

[notalady]

I wasn't aware that dating sites are mostly too hook up. If that's the case I will stay away from them.

No I was not giggling. I pushed away and even moved his hand and told him I was uncomfortable and for him to stop.

 

It's not mostly for hook ups. Depending on where you look. Tinder is known for hook ups.

 

More reputable dating sites like Match, eHarmony, OK Cupid for example, have a lot of people looking for relationships. It is of course still up to you to discern what the person you're meeting is looking for upon contact and first meet etc.

 

I know at least 5 couples in my circle (myself included) that met their long term partner (2 are married now for a number of years) through online dating sites.

[Chorichori]

It's not mostly for hook ups. Depending on where you look. Tinder is known for hook ups.

 

More reputable dating sites like Match, eHarmony, OK Cupid for example, have a lot of people looking for relationships. It is of course still up to you to discern what the person you're meeting is looking for upon contact and first meet etc.

 

I know at least 5 couples in my circle (myself included) that met their long term partner (2 are married now for a number of years) through online dating sites.

 

I met him off OkCupid lol

Was sure to use a dating app not something like tinder

I guess it's a hit/miss sort of thing

[Capricorn3]

Sounds like a total sleaze. Be glad you dodged a bullet.