Interested in same guy as my ex!

[minosobie]

Got dumped about 4 months ago and have recently gotten back into dating. Had a date planned last Friday with a guy (I'm gay) who I met a year ago and have always been interested in. We've hung a few times in the past couple of months. Nothing sexual but have been very flirty over text, etc. The day before our date I find out he's been casually hanging with my ex. Eek!

 

Was very direct about it, asking him if they've been hanging and saying that I'm not interested in pursuing someone my ex is also pursuing for obvious reasons. He said that he's not actually dating anyone right now and is celibate b/c he's recently sober BUT he enjoys both our company and doesn't know what will evolve with either of us and so doesn't feel like he should have to make any choices or proclamations. I said I understand and clarified that I would be the one to step aside in this case.

 

We still went to the movie and were a little flirty during it. He's a very cool guy, we get along great, and he's good friends with two close friends of mine and also in my industry. The date ended with a friendly kiss goodnight.

 

It's obvious we are into each other but the fact that my ex is also into him and probably in regular contact with him is pretty jarring. I am pretty set on not pursuing him as a lover (at the moment) but for the above reasons, I don't want to feel like I have to stop contacting him or building a friendship. I don't want to feel like I'm running scared from my ex.

 

Thoughts?

[Inspired]

OMG that's crazy! I'm not sure I would be able to continue no matter how much I liked the guy. Btw, I'm gay too. My fear is that the ex would want to somehow 'compete' with me and try extra hard (superficially) to win the guy's attention and affection. Some guys can be very aggressive and a bit devious. Besides that I wouldn't want to see my ex or know what he's up to. Dating the same guy almost guarantees that you'll have to interact with your ex. This would be enough for me to walk away now before investing myself emotionally. Guess it depends on how you and your ex get along, was it a bad breakup, etc.

[minosobie]

OMG that's crazy! I'm not sure I would be able to continue no matter how much I liked the guy. Btw, I'm gay too. My fear is that the ex would want to somehow 'compete' with me and try extra hard (superficially) to win the guy's attention and affection. Some guys can be very aggressive and a bit devious. Besides that I wouldn't want to see my ex or know what he's up to. Dating the same guy almost guarantees that you'll have to interact with your ex. This would be enough for me to walk away now before investing myself emotionally. Guess it depends on how you and your ex get along, was it a bad breakup, etc.

 

We are on good terms but I was pretty destroyed by the break-up.