Should I even bother to say anything?

[charneca]

It's been almost 3 months since my breakup.

 

To sum it up, I was in a 10 year relationship. My ex was previously very good to me. We had broken up once,later April this year, because he wasn't feeling ok with me. Two weeks later he wanted to talk to me and said he made a mistake.We got back together. Ex got into an internship in July.Early September he returns from his internship, after 2 days together I sensed something was wrong and asked if he had found someone else. He said he had feeling for a girl he met at his internship.

I broke things off. He still wanted to be with me and try, but I just couldn't handle being with a person that was in love with someone else.

A week later, we met at a wedding, he talked to me and said he was dumb and made a mistake.I told him I didn't want to talk to him.Next day,

he sent me a text saying he wanted to talk to me that there were still things left unsaid.I didn't respond.

 

A common friend who he had been confiding in tells me that same day that he chased a girl last November. The girl apparently was just flirting with him and didn't want anything with him. Also, I got to know that he met and had dinner with this girl he started liking back in his internship.

 

Our common friend told me a few days after he sent me the message that made him promise not to text me again and if I ever wanted him to give him a chance to explain himself to just tell her.Meanwhile, I knew from her that he kept saying that he wanted to text me.

 

Almost 3 months later and I caved in after being in a really bad place that day. I sent our common friend a text saying that if he had something to say to me to text me. We never contacted each other once during this 3 months.

Apparently he has not texted me yet because he is thinking about things what he really wants and what he wants to tell me.Which makes me wonder if he's toying with me, after a few weeks before he wanted to text me.

 

Today, I found myself crying for two hours straight, thinking why after he was so disrespectful to me I let him still get a hold of me,giving him the power to let him decide something.Also, why am I letting someone be the intermediary for this emotional stuff?I sound like a pre school girl.

 

Anyway, I wish I could summon the power to tell him that I can't forgive him, for now, for what he has done to me and to not bother with thinking things through. I also now that if I do that I will be devastated and I don't know how could I cope.Also, the question is should I even bother telling him something?

[Edmund Exley]

Nope. Dont bother. Silence is golden.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Sending a messenger is never a good idea. Don't get others involved in any crossfire or drama. It's good he never texted, now you can block him and stay no contact to heal and move on.

I sent our common friend a text saying that if he had something to say to me to text me. Apparently he has not texted me yet because he is thinking about things what he really wants and what he wants to tell me.

[reinventmyself]

If this was went to be he would never risk losing you in the first place.

 

You are allowing him all the power to make the choices here when based on his actions you have a choice to make.

I suggest you make that choice. As hard as it is, it will give you some of your power back that you shouldn't have given away in the first place.

[Raaawr]

It's been almost 3 months since my breakup.

 

To sum it up, I was in a 10 year relationship. My ex was previously very good to me. We had broken up once,later April this year, because he wasn't feeling ok with me. Two weeks later he wanted to talk to me and said he made a mistake.We got back together. Ex got into an internship in July.Early September he returns from his internship, after 2 days together I sensed something was wrong and asked if he had found someone else. He said he had feeling for a girl he met at his internship.

This is a tough situation to be in and Im sorry to hear about it.

 

I broke things off. He still wanted to be with me and try, but I just couldn't handle being with a person that was in love with someone else.

A week later, we met at a wedding, he talked to me and said he was dumb and made a mistake.I told him I didn't want to talk to him.Next day,

he sent me a text saying he wanted to talk to me that there were still things left unsaid.I didn't respond.

 

A common friend who he had been confiding in tells me that same day that he chased a girl last November. The girl apparently was just flirting with him and didn't want anything with him. Also, I got to know that he met and had dinner with this girl he started liking back in his internship.

 

Our common friend told me a few days after he sent me the message that made him promise not to text me again and if I ever wanted him to give him a chance to explain himself to just tell her.Meanwhile, I knew from her that he kept saying that he wanted to text me.

 

The middle men cannot be trusted. Things either get lost in translation or people are playing games.

 

Almost 3 months later and I caved in after being in a really bad place that day. I sent our common friend a text saying that if he had something to say to me to text me. We never contacted each other once during this 3 months.

Apparently he has not texted me yet because he is thinking about things what he really wants and what he wants to tell me.Which makes me wonder if he's toying with me, after a few weeks before he wanted to text me.

He has probably moved on.

 

Today, I found myself crying for two hours straight, thinking why after he was so disrespectful to me I let him still get a hold of me,giving him the power to let him decide something.Also, why am I letting someone be the intermediary for this emotional stuff?I sound like a pre school girl.

Yes, none of this is ideal and Im sorry about it.

 

Anyway, I wish I could summon the power to tell him that I can't forgive him, for now, for what he has done to me and to not bother with thinking things through. I also now that if I do that I will be devastated and I don't know how could I cope.Also, the question is should I even bother telling him something?

You can summon that power. You just need to believe you are better than this.

[catfeeder]

He said he had feeling for a girl he met at his internship.

I broke things off.

 

I wouldn't bother. There's nothing left to say. He already broke up with you earlier this year, and then he later tells you he has feelings for someone else.

 

Confessions are always about making the confessor feel 'better' while the confessee gets nothing from the exchange but lousy info and nowhere to go with it. This confession was manipulative, because if ex really wanted to try for a good relationship with you, he'd have kept his mouth shut and invested in you, instead. He dropped that crap in your lap as a cowardly way to get exactly the results he got. So what's left to say?

 

I'd spare myself any further drama with this guy. I'd make it my private goal to surprise everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to bounce back from this and create a fabulous future for myself. This guy isn't worth harming your ability to do that. I'd skip him and move FORward.

 

Head high.

[charneca]

I wouldn't bother. There's nothing left to say. He already broke up with you earlier this year, and then he later tells you he has feelings for someone else.

 

Confessions are always about making the confessor feel 'better' while the confessee gets nothing from the exchange but lousy info and nowhere to go with it. This confession was manipulative, because if ex really wanted to try for a good relationship with you, he'd have kept his mouth shut and invested in you, instead. He dropped that crap in your lap as a cowardly way to get exactly the results he got. So what's left to say?

 

I'd spare myself any further drama with this guy. I'd make it my private goal to surprise everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to bounce back from this and create a fabulous future for myself. This guy isn't worth harming your ability to do that. I'd skip him and move FORward.

 

Head high.

 

He didn't confess the 1st time he went chasing this girl last year.Later I was told he said what he felt for me was way bigger than what he felt for her. Neverthless his 'love' wasn't enough to stop him to do what he did and the commitment on his part,after we got back, was short termed.

 

I still have one thing which is his and he has my desktop pc and, as I'm kind of tired of mediators(although I'm the one who asked her to) and 'say-him-this-and-he says-that', I will have to arrange a meeting somehow. As my psychiatrist says i have to stop my avoidant behaviours and I'll have to deal with my feelings afterwards.

[Wiseman2]

Text him. "I would like to get my pc and return your things at your earliest convenience. Please let me know when we could set that up, thanks."

I still have one thing which is his and he has my desktop pc

[charneca]

Text him. "I would like to get my pc and return your things at your earliest convenience. Please let me know when we could set that up, thanks."

 

Did that today to which he replied it would be better for him from 19th this month on and that if I wanted he could give it to our common friend and that he didn't need his monitor.I replied the following: "I prefer to deal with my own things myself from now on and this would be a quick exchange. Since the monitor isn't mine I'd like to return it to you either way.I would like you to let me know of your availability later as I will give you notice of mine." He didn't reply,to my surprise.

 

I recognize he might have a lot of work with school and classes, but I think a quick 10 minute exchange wouldn't hurt anyone's schedule.But that's just my opinion.

I hope he isn't playing games with me though.

[catfeeder]

If your things are mailable, why not just suggest you both ship?