What to do?

[oliviacon13]

My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for a year and a half because I am in school. Despite the distance playing a negative role in our relationship, he also has depression. Because he works most weekends, he hasn't visited me since January. However, we were able to stay together the entire summer and I have gone to see him on my weeks off of school. I loved every minute of the summer and we do so well being together. Although the last time I saw him was in early October. We left things off with I love you and see you soon, but our communication has slowly dwindled down since. It's gotten to the point that I only hear from him every few days and it's only a brief conversation over text. When I ask what's wrong and why he won't talk to me, he basically says it's because of his depression. However, he's the type of person that throws himself into social situations when he's feeling down so that he won't have to be alone. It's hard for me to see him hanging out with friends on social media when I can't even get him to answer my texts, calls, or snapchats. I know that he has seasonal depression and he did this exact same thing around the same time last year, but we barely made it through that. It's like he just keeps pushing me away so he won't have to deal with his problems during the times he's feeling down. I'm at the point where I don't know if I should continue to be there for him and hope that we see each other over the holidays or if I should end things. I'm tired of not being able to talk to or see the person I love. He blames his job for not coming to see me but he has made no effort to make the 4 hour trip at all this year. The only thing holding me back is the fact that we virtually have no problems when we're together. I don't know if I should push through and wait until we're together again or not. I know I deserve someone that will be there for me no matter how far apart we are but when we're together I feel like it's worth it. I just don't know how much more of this I can withstand. What do you think?

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like you are in 2 different worlds and the LDR is not working. He seems to be getting bored with it and you are getting frustrated with it. How long did you date before it was long distance?

 

He seems to enjoy your visiting but clearly makes little to no effort to communicate with or see you. That has nothing to do with depression or seasonal depression, etc. It has to do with lack of interest commitment to the relationship.

 

Are you hoping that in the summer when he's "not depressed" that it will rekindle things? Have you considered that he would rather date locally and hold a real live girl than text someone so far away?

the distance playing a negative role in our relationship, he also has depression. I'm tired of not being able to talk to or see the person I love. He blames his job for not coming to see me but he has made no effort to make the 4 hour trip at all this year.

[oliviacon13]

Unfortunately it sounds like you are in 2 different worlds and the LDR is not working. He seems to be getting bored with it and you are getting frustrated with it. How long did you date before it was long distance?

 

He seems to enjoy your visiting but clearly makes little to no effort to communicate with or see you. That has nothing to do with depression or seasonal depression, etc. It has to do with lack of interest commitment to the relationship.

 

Are you hoping that in the summer when he's "not depressed" that it will rekindle things? Have you considered that he would rather date locally and hold a real live girl than text someone so far away?

 

Thank you for your reply. We actually met randomly at an event and have never lived in the same town. We talked and visited for a few months until we realized we wanted to make things official. It was when he got a promotion that his visits decreased and mine increased. In the summer, he would go through bouts of depression but we were able to work through it better since I was there. I see what you're saying and it makes a lot of sense. I realize that he'd rather have someone there but I guess I'm hoping that once I finish school in a year, I can be that person. I just don't know if I should continue to put up with his inability to put in any effort unless I'm there. But I guess that's my choice to make. Thank you, again.

[No1]

I think you know the truth even tho its hard to admit.

 

The hard part is that there no immediate solution to your LD problem. He is there and you are here. He works, you have school and no solution on the horizon.

 

Why dont you let him go.. then years down the road, if you two are back in the same town, then you can see what he is doing or if he is available. Right now your LDR is like a blanket..it feels nice to have someone think of you but now that blanket is getting holes in it because that is becoming less and less. Let him go and find someone local..