Thoughts on actions of a former flame? Confused.

[hannah87]

This may be a bit long, and at points childish but I can't wrap my mind around his behaviour...

 

Several months ago I was living in a different city for work and had recently separated from my boyfriend of several years. While there, I met a man (let's call him C) who had recently gone through a pretty rough break up as well. There was instant chemistry between us and soon we were seeing each other and speaking with each other constantly. After our first night together he was immediately speaking to me of a future together (calling me the future Mrs. X) , talking to me about how well we fit together, our connection, and wanting to see me as much as he could. However, it was a bit of a strange situation because we were trying not to let our social circle who we also saw through work several times a week know, and when my ex came to town which C was aware of things started cooling off a bit.

 

We made plans to go to an event finally "together" where everyone would be and unexpectedly my ex showed up and tried to reconcile. A couple of days later C messaged me and said after seeing my ex in person and speaking to him he just couldn't continue our "relationship."

 

I ended up moving back to my original city, and trying to work things out with my ex a couple of months later which did not work out. Before moving away, C messaged me a couple of times about seeing each other one last time but didn't make any effort to actually see me which just made me think he was really totally disinterested.

 

However, since moving away about 1000 miles away, C had messaged me a couple of times out of the blue saying he had a dream about me, or just asking detailed questions about how my life was going. He also told me that he still single but after 15 years with his ex they were talking and trying to decide what to do next (although still living apart and seeing each other infrequently). He added me to snapchat and was constantly viewing everything I posted to my story within a couple of hours.

 

This weekend, I went to visit my old city where C lives and he was aware I was coming just for the weekend. When I first saw him at the conference I was attending, he purposefully made his way in back of me and said hello. Then we all left for the bar, with him coming later. The first thing he did was come to my table, smile over at me, and leave his coat at one of the seats but then he went and stayed with another group of our friends during the next couple of hours. When I was getting up to leave for our next location, he finally spoke to me again asking where I was going and I told him the next destination. We went downstairs and were waiting for someone to pay their tab, when he came downstairs two minutes later in his coat and said he would meet us there later on in the evening but again it seemed like he was trying to avoid directly speaking to me.

 

I was told by everyone there was no way he would come to the party we were going to as he and the host were not on speaking terms and had a major falling out. I had a feeling he would come and he did. I was near the door and we immediately locked eyes and there was this crazy electricity ; however, I was in the middle of a conversation and knowing that he had been the one who ended things didn't say anything to him because I felt the ball was in his court. Throughout the night things got odder and I got the sense that he was purposefully ignoring me and having conversations with everyone in the room other than me. Despite this, he was always close and at times standing nearby not talking to anyone and I knew he was listening into a conversation I was having about my ex. Wherever I went, he would find an excuse like changing the music to another song to be near me and looking at me but again not saying anything to me and talking to everyone but me. Each time we looked at each other we both would inadvertently smile.

 

One of our mutual friends came up and started asking me questions about my relationship with my ex, things that related to information that only C knew. I wasn't ready to disclose to everyone that I had moved back and left my dream job to have things fall apart shortly thereafter with my ex so I just said things were fine.

 

At the end of the night C left without a goodbye and I felt a bit childish as I hadn't approached him either throughout the night, and I had spent the night talking and dancing with some other male friends from his office. Throughout the night I was hoping he'd realize I was there to see him and he would approach me first. I decided not to let pride get in my way after he left and texted him asking why he'd left so soon. I never received a reply and he stopped viewing me on social media since.

 

I really have the feeling he came out to see me and there was that same feeling there whenever we locked eyes which was there when things were going so well for us- I really think that was there on his part too. I just can't understand his subsequent actions? Is he just totally not into me and I'm reading into everything too much? Was his pride preventing him from approaching me first? I don't understand - although I felt for him like I haven't felt for anyone, I just wanted to talk and at least get closure because everything ended in such a hurried fashion and my feelings for him are unresolved.

 

I feel confused and almost sent him a message saying I was disappointed we hadn't talked and asking why but instead I decided to delete his telephone number and just let it be.I've felt sort of down ever since and just keep replaying the weekend and wondering why his reaction was the way it was.. something that I know I will never know for certain. Thoughts?

 

*Also might be important to add that this is a 38 year old Professional man?

[Wiseman2]

Do you and C still work together? It sounds more as though he's looking for an affair while he and his "ex" try to sort things out.

 

It may be best to avoid him and block him and go no contact. he doesn't seem ready for a relationship (other than rebound or affair) and frankly, neither do you if you are still talking about your ex at everyone you see at gatherings. After our first night together he was immediately speaking to me of a future together (calling me the future Mrs. X) , talking to me about how well we fit together, our connection, and wanting to see me as much as he could. However, it was a bit of a strange situation because we were trying not to let our social circle who we also saw through work

[ThatwasThen]

I think he was hanging around waiting for you to initiate a hook up. Since you didn't 'volunteer' such a thing, he got his closure and now he's stopped creeping your social media which is one of the 21st centuries best way to get over someone for good and cleanse them from one's system.

 

You should do the same.