Mixed Signals

[iamwaffles]

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We broke up once on good-ish terms about two and a half months ago. I was broken up about it, crying nearly every day, but he seemed to be fine. Even though he seemed like he didn't care about me anymore, he called me up only three weeks after no contact and told me he loves me and wants to be with me. So he was hiding his feelings.

 

We had a great relationship after that. He didn't officially call me his girlfriend, but it was sort of an unspoken thing. We were both happy and both in love. He texted me at the two month mark of re-dating and said he loves me, but wants to see what a relationship would be like with other girls. I agreed to remain friends with him, but I know that the "no contact" idea worked last time we broke up.

 

It's been less than a week and I have already hung out with him again and it was just like we were dating. He spent the night but he wouldn't kiss me and wouldn't hold my hand. Other than that, we both had a great time. However, I broke down saying I'm not completely happy with him breaking up with me even though he told me I make him happy and he had no response towards it; he showed no real emotion.

 

I can't read him. I can't tell if he still wants to be with me but first wants his experience. While hanging out with him, he seemed to be perfectly fine with seeing me despite knowing I'm not his anymore and he's not mine. I'm getting so many mixed signals and I know for sure I really make him happy and that he loves me because he acts like it.

 

I guess what I want to know is what I should do from here. Knowing the no contact left him dying to be with me again after three weeks, I'm wondering if I should keep being friends with him or not. I also just want him to go find a girl to quickly get experience with, so he can get this idea out of his head. This sounds pretty selfish, but I don't know what to do. Our relationship in the last two years has been amazing. The only reason he wants this is because I was his first everything.

[gebaird]

No contact shouldn't be used as a manipulative trick to make him miss you and come running back, although that can sometimes be a side-effect. I'd recommend no contact not so you can get him back, but so you can get your self-respect back. Do you want to be his BFF? The one he comes running back to every time another relationship goes wrong? If so, keep doing what you're doing. But if you want a committed relationship, I don't think you're going to find it with him -- certainly not now, and probably not down the road. I guess anything's possible, but it seems very unlikely that this will end well, and the longer you wait the more it will start to impact your self-esteem. At this point I think it's really just a question of ripping off the band-aid quickly or slowly.

[catfeeder]

I can't read him.

 

You don't need to. He's already spelled out for you that he wants to date other people. Just because he's willing to use you until he finds someone else he'd rather spend all his time with, that doesn't mean you need to stick around for that.

 

Think.

[IAmFCA]

Some people have self destructive relationship patterns, investing their time in crisis situations OH SHE IS GONE! but not until then. What's the point. You want someone who knows how to build on what he has.

[No1]

What you are doing is looking for any real reason to stay. You know the truth but you are in denial of what that is.

 

He is not that into you. What you are is a great back up plan. The girl he can rely on to be there when he needs a warm body. The girl that will be there no matter what because he knows you love him. From what you said, it wasnt a solid relationship and you are the "in between girl" you are the girl he uses while he looks for another girl. He tells you what you want to hear just to keep you around, but his actions say otherwise. He doesnt really love you.

 

To defeat a guy like this (because I was just like him) you tell him to have a good life because you dont want to be a part of it. If you want to add that you know his game then go ahead because you should never speak to this guy again in all honesty. He is going to try to sweet talk you (this is for his ego, not for your feelings) He is not going to let you go easily. He is going to say he will change, he loves you and whatever he says is pretty much a lie. So you dont listen to him. You just walk away. This is what you do if you dont want any more drama with the guy.

 

If you do want drama with the guy, then continue what you are doing now. Its not going to get any better. You can love him to the moon and back and it wont matter. The more he knows you love him, the more he can play on your emotions. He wants someone else, not you.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately he keeps breaking up with you and now has told you he wants to have sex/date others. There is nothing mixed about that. He also wants you to hold his hand through his adventures as his "friend" and of course back-up plan.

 

So you want him to meet and date and have sex with other girls while you are in the background as his "friend"? What if he meets someone better/hotter and stays with her? Why are you sticking around for that because clearly that's what he's looking for, otherwise he wouldn't keep breaking up.

 

It would be best to go no contact and block him from all social media. Not as a device to get him back but for your dignity and so you can heal move on and also find someone better.

I also just want him to go find a girl to quickly get experience with, so he can get this idea out of his head. This sounds pretty selfish, but I don't know what to do. Our relationship in the last two years has been amazing. The only reason he wants this is because I was his first everything.