He keeps asking me out at the last minute. What to do?

[ItsAllConfusin]

I met this guy on a dating site. He connected with me. We went out and yes we hooked up. I don't have any regrets. That was in September.

 

Every single Friday since September he has sent me a text asking if I could meet. I've had to decline all of them since they were last minute and I just couldn't drop everything to meet him.

 

I've told him I need a little bit of notice to go out and the one time he actually tried to do this he asked 3 days before and never gave me a time or place to meet. A day before we were supposed to meet he ended up canceling because of a big meeting he had to attend. I was pretty annoyed and upset. When I ask him in advance he tells me he isn't sure if hell be free but would let me know by the week's end.

 

This past Friday he sent me a text to see if I was free and I wasn't. I was out.

 

I feel like he's not putting in effort to see me. All I want is like a day or two's notice. I'm trying to understand him. I know he's in graduate school and he teaches which is pretty demanding so I'm thinking maybe I need to cut him some more slack.

 

I thought maybe he's not into me but he's asked me out pretty much every Friday for almost two months straight. I keep thinking maybe I'm the second option. Maybe I'm over analyzing.

 

Any thoughts? Also I'm not looking for anything serious. I'm looking for an exclusive lover.From that one night I feel we have good sexual chemistry. I do want more.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately have to agree that's there is little to no effort. It seems he's looking for booty call, not dating. After 2 mos are you exclusive? You are not looking for anything serious and that's how he's treating this.

I feel like he's not putting in effort to see me. I thought maybe he's not into me but he's asked me out pretty much every Friday for almost two months straight. I keep thinking maybe I'm the second option.I'm not looking for anything serious.I'm looking for an exclusive lover.

[Jibralta]

I know he's in graduate school and he teaches which is pretty demanding so I'm thinking maybe I need to cut him some more slack.

 

Meh. I earned two master's degrees concurrently while maintaining a teaching assistantship and I made time for the people I wanted to see.

[Almira23]

Currently, I am in school for my master's degree and I have a full time job, which requires about 50 hours of my time every week and I still make time for my boyfriend.

I agree with the above posters that he isn't interested in you. Asking you out every Friday night doesn't mean that he wants to take you out on a date. He could be bored, his previous plans were cancelled, or you might be a convenient option.

If he was really interested in you, he would have at least made some time to have lunch or something during the week.

[Edmund Exley]

Yeah, he's not interested in anything other than a date and a lay. If he were, he would put more thought into seeing you.

[missmarple]

He probably has a g/f who is busy on Fridays and so it's the only day he can see you.

[katrina1980]

There is another thread running right now called "Timing for Dates." Same issue.

 

Check it out, it's two down from yours.

[greta96]

You both want casual sex, so he is initiating booty calls not dates. This is how booty calls work usually, no advance planning. Whenever the mood strikes or there is enough time he'll hit you up, if you can make it fine, if not, fine again - probably someone else is available.

These are not dates, so don't try and look at them as such.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like you are catching feelings and maybe unconsciously would like more than booty call?

A day before we were supposed to meet he ended up canceling because of a big meeting he had to attend. I was pretty annoyed and upset. I feel like he's not putting in effort to see me. I keep thinking maybe I'm the second option. I do want more.

[Loralora]

I agree with everyone else!

 

Don't waste your time on him any longer..

[ItsAllConfusin]

I keep saying to myself I can handle casual sex but I don't think I can. I'm fooling myself. I like the sex but emotionally this guy makes me feel bad.

[HeartGoesOn]

Unless I'm not reading this correctly, it looks like you've only met once. No offense intended, but if you presented yourself as relationship material, rather than a quick booty call, you may have had a different outcome.

[reinventmyself]

Seeing that you've specifically asked him for notice and he can't give it, then it's reason enough to call it a mismatch

Reasons why don't matter.

He doesn't suit your needs.

Don't stick around any longer if this is not enriching your life and causing you to feel badly.

[ItsAllConfusin]

Right and that was my first time in my 30 years of life of ever doing such a thing. He went in for a kiss and it just kept going further. I couldn't stop.

 

I feel like I don't want a boyfriend. I'm fine with hooking up with him but I'd just like a days notice to do this. Just because I slept with him once it doesn't mean I deserve at least a day in advance to meet him?

 

I'm not even expecting dinner or a walk in a park just simple courtesy to meet in advance.

[ItsAllConfusin]

Now that you've mentioned this, even before ever meeting him in person he asked me out on the same night, two different times. I feel like maybe this is just the person he is.

[notalady]

Right and that was my first time in my 30 years of life of ever doing such a thing. He went in for a kiss and it just kept going further. I couldn't stop.

 

I feel like I don't want a boyfriend. I'm fine with hooking up with him but I'd just like a days notice to do this. Just because I slept with him once it doesn't mean I deserve at least a day in advance to meet him?

 

I'm not even expecting dinner or a walk in a park just simple courtesy to meet in advance.

 

Even if you're looking for casual only, you have the right to ask for what works for you, in fact, in a casual arrangement, it is especially important that it continues to work for you.

 

So yes you have the right to ask for basic courtesy and respect. If it's lacking, then there's no reason to continue. In an arrangement that exists purely for the purpose of enjoyment and satisfaction, if you feel uncomfortable, disrespected, unenjoyable, annoyance, hurt, dissatisfied, basically any negative experience, you have no reason to put up with it, feel free to leave and seek positive experience elsewhere.

[Edmund Exley]

Now that you've mentioned this, even before ever meeting him in person he asked me out on the same night, two different times. I feel like maybe this is just the person he is.

 

Well then maybe go out with him again, even on short notice, and see where it goes.