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Did he not tell me about her because maybe he once considered leaving her for me

DizzyDes

By DizzyDes
in Dating Advice

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DizzyDes Newbie

DizzyDes

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I met Ash during a high school field trip to see the Great Gatsby. He went to a high school 2 hours away, but we got to know eachother and he even sang to me.

 

A year later we meet Freshman year of college. He remembered me and we began flirting in class. Same thing Sophomore year. Junior year I transfered to a university and guess whos in my class? Ash! So now im seriously thinking we're meant to be.

 

We've sat next to eachother every class, since Freshman year but he didnt ask for my number until The last semester of Junior year. After a while, if dudes came up to talk to me, he got pissed. I assumed he liked me, but he never asked me out.

 

Well His friend Barney always acted as if he wanted Ash to stay away from me and last semester i realized why. During that last semester of Junior year, i find out hes engaged to a girl that he never mentioned but has been dating a year since we met at the play.

 

A month later, she randomly transfers to our university. She ends up in my class and the teacher makes her my Project partner. Crazier than that, Ash is my group partner in a different class!

 

When This third guy joined our group, Ash told him EVERY detail about me. I was honestly shocked cause i mean i know we've known each other for 3 years but i didnt think he knew all that stuff about me.

 

As for his girlfriend Alex, she one day goes "Did you say your name was Des? OMG my boyfriend Ash used to mention you! " Mind you, i never told either of them that I met the other. Then she automatically starts bragging "Idk why i said boyfriend because hes my fiance now!" Its so random for her to share their relationship so i assumed either Ash mentioned me a lot or Barney warned her.

 

Anyways Ash continued to flirt the rest of that semester even though i backed off because i was t down with letting him have his cake and eat it too. But now its Senior year. We have a class together but he hasnt spoken to me. We have two weeks left in class and now he randomly starts chatting it up, sliding all under me (and for anyone who read my other post, Mac is sitting on the other side of me trying to flirt as well). I was in an awkward position because I'm getting over Mac but he looked pissed that Ash was all under me and as for Ash he's still engaged yet back to flirting, still having never mentioned Alex to

Me.

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DizzyDes Newbie

DizzyDes

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Make friends with Alex, and both of you ditch those boys.

 

I tried to be friendly with her because i wanted to tell her about how Ash flirted. But after all the bragging, i just felt she didnt deserve to know. And for her to autmotixally know that i mustve been the Des he referred to, i begin to assume she was cool with it. I kind of had a dream that drew me away from him. Like in real life Alex and Ash live together with their Barney and his girlfriend. However, i had two dreams. In one, Ash and Barney were having oral sex with eachother. It freaked me out so bad and this dream occured a month before I found out je was engaged. In the other dream, Alex, Barney, Ash, and the other girl were swingers. They were looking to recruit me! This dream came after i found out they were engaged. Creeeeepy!!!

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DizzyDes Newbie

DizzyDes

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You know for a fact he's engaged so let go and ignore avoid him. Try to date others who DO ask you out.

 

No i did let go when i found out he as engaged! I dont like when people cheat. However, he kept flirting with me after i found out (although he didnt know i knew) and i wanted to tell her but i assumed they'd think i was trying to break them up. But i dont want a guy who flirts with others while with someone cause that means he'd do the same if with me

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ParisPaulette Rising Star

ParisPaulette

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No, he's not considering leaving her for you or he'd have already done it. He was and still is hoping you'll agree to be the side piece.

 

Besides let's say he did leave her for you, so now what? You have a guy who will flirt with other girls, talk about them to you, and keep tabs on them (that's just kind of disturbing dontcha think?) to his friends. Is that the kind of partner you want, because if they will do it to the one they're with, they will 99.99 percent of the time do it to you when you're the girlfriend/fiancee and now in the bag as far as they're concerned.

 

The fiancee was letting you know subtly that this jerk isn't as available as she knows he's been letting you believe. Unfortunately she thinks marrying him is a good idea, but that's her headache to deal with, don't make it yours. Cut him out of your life and if he gets flirty tell him to cool his jets, and don't listen to the ensuing snow job he's bound to pull out of his backside about why he wasn't flirting with you but all about how his fiancee doesn't understand him.

 

Typical cheater behavior, nothing new or unusual about this at all.

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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True that would be catty and indicates that you still think "So now im seriously thinking we're meant to be" and quite jealous of her that she's his fiance and you thought he was "meant to be" even though he never asked you out.

 

It sounds like he's just a flirty guy and that's her problem, not yours. Why can't you ignore him and date others?

he kept flirting with me after i found out and i wanted to tell her but i assumed they'd think i was trying to break them up.
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DizzyDes Newbie

DizzyDes

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No, he's not considering leaving her for you or he'd have already done it. He was and still is hoping you'll agree to be the side piece.

 

Besides let's say he did leave her for you, so now what? You have a guy who will flirt with other girls, talk about them to you, and keep tabs on them (that's just kind of disturbing dontcha think?) to his friends. Is that the kind of partner you want, because if they will do it to the one they're with, they will 99.99 percent of the time do it to you when you're the girlfriend/fiancee and now in the bag as far as they're concerned.

 

The fiancee was letting you know subtly that this jerk isn't as available as she knows he's been letting you believe. Unfortunately she thinks marrying him is a good idea, but that's her headache to deal with, don't make it yours. Cut him out of your life and if he gets flirty tell him to cool his jets, and don't listen to the ensuing snow job he's bound to pull out of his backside about why he wasn't flirting with you but all about how his fiancee doesn't understand him.

 

Typical cheater behavior, nothing new or unusual about this at all.

 

I did cut him out of my life but i still see him at school. I even told the person in the post before you that finding out he was flirting while taken would make me not want him bexause he'd do the same to me

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DizzyDes Newbie

DizzyDes

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True that would be catty and indicates that you still think "So now im seriously thinking we're meant to be" and quite jealous of her that she's his fiance and you thought he was "meant to be" even though he never asked you out.

 

It sounds like he's just a flirty guy and that's her problem, not yours. Why can't you ignore him and date others?

 

We did ignore each other this school year from August til literally this past Monday. He sees me sitting in class beside Mac and he just randomly tries to slide all up on me. Mac is no better, but its my assigned seat next to him. As for Ash, this semmester he only comes to class like once a month. He and Mac both seem territorial towards me at times but they both live a lifestyle that im not into, so i've been over Ash and still getting over Mac

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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What exactly is "randomly tries to slide all up on me" and why aren't you doing anything about it such as moving seats, avoiding him, telling him to knock it off or complaining to the instructor? Do you enjoy random guys pawing you up that much?

Mac is no better, but its my assigned seat next to him.
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DizzyDes Newbie

DizzyDes

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What exactly is "randomly tries to slide all up on me" and why aren't you doing anything about it such as moving seats, avoiding him, telling him to knock it off or complaining to the instructor? Do you enjoy random guys pawing you up that much?

 

Its my assigned seat so I cant move. And why report him to the teacher if he ony comes to class like once a month (plus we only have two weeks left in school and this is the first time he spoke to me this semeter). And i said random because he hasnt made a move since last semester. So this is random of him. But i assume hes sexually frustrated because shes made him wait for sex three years so far. I've never talked sexual with him, but i hope he didnt expect sex from me because im celibate as well. Thats why Mac and I didnt work out

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DizzyDes Newbie

DizzyDes

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What exactly is "randomly tries to slide all up on me" and why aren't you doing anything about it such as moving seats, avoiding him, telling him to knock it off or complaining to the instructor? Do you enjoy random guys pawing you up that much?

 

Plus we've known eachother for 3 years now and although hes never touched me (aside from hug) or said anything sexual (aside from getting caught staring at my chest), he seemed okay. So this was random to me

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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Their relationship and commitment to each other or chastity is NONE OF YOUR CONCERN. He is ENGAGED TO HER, NOT YOU. Stop imagining he's into you.

 

Have you read the book "He's Just Not That Into You"? It may give you some tips on sorting out guys who want to date you and guys who are time-wasters. Certainly being engaged to someone else is a clue, no?

i assume hes sexually frustrated because shes made him wait for sex three years so far.
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Jibralta Grand Master

Jibralta

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We did ignore each other this school year from August til literally this past Monday. He sees me sitting in class beside Mac and he just randomly tries to slide all up on me. Mac is no better, but its my assigned seat next to him. As for Ash, this semmester he only comes to class like once a month. He and Mac both seem territorial towards me at times but they both live a lifestyle that im not into, so i've been over Ash and still getting over Mac

 

Consider this a life lesson. Lots of people are like this. You will meet even more as you go through college, graduate, and enter the workforce. People will try to seduce you with attention and flattery. Some people are bold. Some are subtle. Some are repulsive. Some are charming. Some people lie and cheat to get what they want.

 

It doesn't matter what you think the rules are. Nobody has to play by your rules except for you.

 

The question for you to answer for yourself is, do you want to be a sucker, or do you want control over your own life?

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DizzyDes Newbie

DizzyDes

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Their relationship and commitment to each other or chastity is NONE OF YOUR CONCERN. He is ENGAGED TO HER, NOT YOU. Stop imagining he's into you.

 

Have you read the book "He's Just Not That Into You"? It may give you some tips on sorting out guys who want to date you and guys who are time-wasters. Certainly being engaged to someone else is a clue, no?

 

I dont even want him anymore! The question was was he ONCE going to leave me for her? I asked because i was referring to the time before i learned he was engaged. At this point, if he did leave me for her, i wouldnt want him because he'd just do the same to me

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DizzyDes Newbie

DizzyDes

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Their relationship and commitment to each other or chastity is NONE OF YOUR CONCERN. He is ENGAGED TO HER, NOT YOU. Stop imagining he's into you.

 

Have you read the book "He's Just Not That Into You"? It may give you some tips on sorting out guys who want to date you and guys who are time-wasters. Certainly being engaged to someone else is a clue, no?

 

I meant once leave her for me

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DizzyDes Newbie

DizzyDes

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Consider this a life lesson. Lots of people are like this. You will meet even more as you go through college, graduate, and enter the workforce. People will try to seduce you with attention and flattery. Some people are bold. Some are subtle. Some are repulsive. Some are charming. Some people lie and cheat to get what they want.

 

It doesn't matter what you think the rules are. Nobody has to play by your rules except for you.

 

The question for you to answer for yourself is, do you want to be a sucker, or do you want control over your own life?

 

We're in college right now and will be graduating in may. I just wanted to know if he ONCE CONSIDERED leaving her for me because he never mentioned her. Thats all i really wanted to know. But thanks

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DizzyDes Newbie

DizzyDes

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So all of these dudes feel you up and stare at your chest?

 

How about you try to meet some single guys instead of wondering and wondering if all these guys with girlfriends and fiancees like you?

 

None of them felt me up except for Cam that time. Mac has never gotten more than a side hug, and Cam got pushed away for trying to slide his hand down my back. I mean at least im trying to push these guys away. Their girlfriends are just standing there letting them do it. And i went for these guys because i thought they were single. Their social media status said single and still does so i took it as if one of them went to flirt with me in class then it was okay. However, when i found out about their girlfriends from their girlfriends then thats when i started pushing the dudes away. Mac is single and so thats why he and i still flirted. But now thats about to stop too because he doesnt seem to understand the meaning of no means no.

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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

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OP, It is not just about respecting your province over your physical self. It also is about respecting themselves, being good friends, good citizens. Kindness and generosity are what keeps relationships together.

 

There is something in your manner that is giving permission, and i suspect it is your desire for their approval. It is coming out in the way you laugh, or hold your posture, something.

 

Do not. Ever. Give. Anyone. Else. The. Power. To. Approve of. You. Ever.

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boltnrun Grand Master

boltnrun

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None of them felt me up except for Cam that time. Mac has never gotten more than a side hug, and Cam got pushed away for trying to slide his hand down my back. I mean at least im trying to push these guys away. Their girlfriends are just standing there letting them do it. And i went for these guys because i thought they were single. Their social media status said single and still does so i took it as if one of them went to flirt with me in class then it was okay. However, when i found out about their girlfriends from their girlfriends then thats when i started pushing the dudes away. Mac is single and so thats why he and i still flirted. But now thats about to stop too because he doesnt seem to understand the meaning of no means no.

 

But you still want to know "do they like me????" Based on this thread and the other one you started about this group.

 

Wanting to see if you'd be down for some casual sex and "liking" you are not the same thing.

 

Anyway, my answer is "who cares?" if they "like" you? They're in relationships! Focus on single, available, respectful men, not this troop of sleazy potential cheaters who stare at your chest and try to "slide under" you.

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