Please help, I've been tossed aside

[bluebirds000]

Things are awful. I have (had) a really good guy friend. We hung out regularly, have mutual friends and I'm even very close with his sister; I meet up with her weekly.

 

There has been a mutual attraction there and we have fooled around in the past (kissing etc) but everything has been fine afterwards. He has a pretty provocative past (sleeping with multiple women) but I guess I didn't think it mattered as we seemed to be firm friends. We could talk for hours and seemed to understand each other well, it seemed to be a close relationship.

 

Anyway, a few weeks ago we let things go too far and we slept together. It was very awkward despite our fizzling sexual tension outside the bedroom. Afterwards I felt horrible, as though I had just fallen down the rabbit hole like so many of these other women before me. I felt sick and had to get my things and leave immediately. I tried to play it cool but I couldn't and I just bolted.

 

The morning afterwards he text me to say sorry for the awkwardness. We kept up this "try to be normal" texting for a few days but eventually that petered out. Now we don't communicate. When he sees me he is frosty as the Arctic.

 

The breaking point was last night. I was with a (mutual) friend in a pub and we saw him. He avoided me completely. When I went to the bar to order drinks he went and sat with my friend talking then disappeared before I returned. He couldn't even look at me. Previously he has been the one to search out eye contact whenever possible. He said a cheery goodbye to this friend at the end of the night then just walked off without a glance in my direction.

 

I was so upset. I thought i would try to be the bigger person and sent him a message saying I wanted our friendship back and got a half hearted reply: "good idea".

 

Do I just leave it now? I've tried to normalise things by seeing him but I feel like crap. I feel like I've been used and lost a friend in the process. I have no idea what he is thinking. Can he just not stand to look at me because he can't cope with remembering? It almost seems like he wants me to feel this hurt....I feel sick about it.

 

What should I do?

 

Thank you so much for your help and advice.

[AvaD21]

I don't think he wants you to feel hurt or even that he necessarily used you. You're both consenting single adults who had a bit of fun. What probably makes it awkward for him is that you were good friends, you're friends with his sister, as well as having mutual friends. He might have felt he made a mistake and doesn't want you to think there's going to be another shot at it. Let the dust settle and leave him be, the more you try to 'fix' the worse it's going to get

[Jibralta]

I agree. Let the dust settle on this for a while. This sort of thing happens sometimes. You may be able to pick up where you left at some point.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately a drunk hookup with your friends brother and your friend will be awkward. Stop beating yourself up over it. He's not hurting you because not only did you yourself choose this hookup, he, like you, just wants to move on from a drunken hookup.

 

He may be as embarrassed as you and would rather forget about the whole thing so is avoiding you. He may also not want to parlay this into anything like fwb or regular hookups. .

I slept with my best guy friend. we had a few drinks and it finally happened. I gave part of myself away somehow. I have never had a one night stand before this.

[HeartGoesOn]

Although I'm sure many will disagree but when the line is crossed, as in this case, it's nearly impossible to go back to a friendship in the true sense of the word, (imo). In other words, as a rule it usually leads to awkward feelings, situations, etc.

[Jibralta]

In my experience, if both people want to be friends, the friendship is salvageable. Just might take a little time for everyone's feathers to get unruffled.

However, if they have different relationship-wants, there's probably no going back.