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Confused about the state of my relationship with girlfriend


Deadpan

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Sorry for such a long thread

 

First of all, we are both young, just out of high school. We have been together for roughly six months and am unsure of how I should be feeling;

if I am being ignorant and not seeing how great she is, or if I am scared to be in a relationship at the moment... A little backstory: She has had

a bit of a bumpy past, she is facing anxiety and has/is facing depression too. I feel as though it is taking a major toll on our relationship.

 

Right now the most we have done is go on one official 'date' which was at the very early stages, gone to one family function (her birthday with all her family)

and the rest of the time that we have spent together has been in her room pretty much or a couple of (her) family home dinners. She has come

over to my house twice now, and one time was part of our first date... I have asked her numerous times about taking her out to the movies or

other small dates, something simple but she says she is afraid, due to her anxiety.

 

We have however been progressing on the more sexual side of the relationship. She is actually the one who often ignites any sexual talks we

have and such which is a little surprising. We haven't reached the point of intercourse but she has gained a pretty strong desire to have sex

with me but doesn't wish to yet (its her belief we are too young), neither do I honestly think we are ready for it. I want to know her more, I

really don't know how that is done over messaging on the phone and communicating in the same place (her room) whenever we see each other.

 

Rather early in the relationship I probably made the mistake of replying to her too soon with what she wanted to hear when she said 'I love you'.

I'll admit my fault there. But from committing myself to our relationship I found my self on occasions becoming obsessed with her but that

obsession sort of dies out, unfortunately, kinda quick. When I say obsession I mean this feeling of love, that I just want more of her, do more

more and be more with her. But once those spikes of love crash I then start questioning why I am with her, that is why I am here now, trying

to find out what I should do. There has been multiple point in our relationship that when she says 'I love you' that I would reply back with the

same, with no doubt in my mind, but now I feel as though I am avoiding saying it, trying to dodge it.

 

I also have an admit to finding other girls attractive, I do try fighting back any thoughts beyond that but its especially hard we they begin flirting

with me. There have been multiple instances of girls flirting with me, which I never respond to but it does mess with my head in terms of knowing

that she (my girlfriend) isn't the only one.

 

I feel as though I have committed to her too much to back out now, almost holding on until she 'heals'/progresses from her anxiety. She really

is a great person but I am questioning my love and commitment to her and fear that I am actually doing bad (kinda like leading her on) in staying with

her. What makes it worse is that early next year I am off to military training which we will be apart from each other for many months (pretty much 6

months with very very little time together in that time (I'm talking like about a a couple of weeks or so of contact (excl. phone calls)). Why does this

make it bad? Because that will make it harder to end things having her waiting for me for such a long period of time. It would hurt her even more.

 

One of the main reasons I probably haven't built up the courage to end our relationship is due to her anxiety, she so badly of herself, it would hurt her

soo much, but when doesn't a breakup hurt I guess.... The other reason is: I fear I will regret it. I have made the mistake of going into things fast

(mainly large physical purchases, regretting the purchase and selling it again but the buying it back because I still wanted it...) I am so confusing???

 

I really have no reason to breakup with her really, I think, at least not without blaming it all on her???

 

Am I not ready for a relationship... am I being inconsiderate.. if I were to breakup with her, would I regret it?

 

Argh... There is some more stuff I could have added but this thread is already too long.

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She sounds too anxious to have a relationship and hanging out in her room at her parents sounds suffocating. You need to end it rather than string her along or hang out in her bedroom hoping for or talking about sex.

 

Man up and end and don't pretend you are sticking around to spare her feelings. Look forward to leaving for the military. Mention that you are not ready, willing or able to have a relationship at this time.

the rest of the time that we have spent together has been in her room I probably haven't built up the courage to end our relationship is due to her anxiety
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She sounds too anxious to have a relationship and hanging out in her room at her parents sounds suffocating. You need to end it rather than string her along or hang out in her bedroom hoping for or talking about sex.

 

Man up and end and don't pretend you are sticking around to spare her feelings. Look forward to leaving for the military. Mention that you are not ready, willing or able to have a relationship at this time.

 

Thanks, such a bad time of the year to be doing this too. But I think it will lift a lot of stress off of my chest by going through with it. I just want to await another reply, have a look at another point of view.

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