Is my ex using me as an emotional crutch or is she still interested?

[MasterMason]

Hey ya'll. So my ex and I met in college. Long story short she was interested in the beginning and I was fooling around. When we decided to get serious, she had to move back home. We dated long distance for around 8 months, and she did Thanksgiving last year with my family an I did Christmas with her family. Not long after that she broke up with me stating that she no longer wanted a long distance relationship and that she wasn't sure of herself as a person or what she wanted in life. It is important to note that she was uninterested in what she was studying and her grades tanked because of this. Since then we have never gone longer than one week without speaking to each other. I had told her multiple times that we were either going to date or be nothing at all, and we had spent a few weekends together, would sleep together, yet she would still not commit for the same reasons. She continues to reiterate that she is confused and feels lost. A few months ago she suggested we stop sleeping together. I went to pick up a few of my things a few months ago and we had dinner, walked on the beach and ran some errands. She was very touchy feely, and when we hugged to say goodbye we both lingered for quite some time. Recently I have begun sleeping with another girl. I told her this over the phone and made it clear that I wanted to be with here but in no way needed her any more. She was obviously not terribly thrilled about this, but took it very well. I had plans to visit her area to see a buddy this December and she agreed to see what happened and we would give it a test run. She insists that she has not slept with anyone since we last slept together, and quite frankly I believe her seeing as I know her well and if she had I gave her a perfect excuse to come clean in telling her that I've been sleeping with someone else. Just last night she called me and told me about some serious family issues. She is definitely a unique girl, and 9.5/10 times I would think I was simply being used in this situation but with this girl I'm not sure. theres something about her I can't shake. thoughts?

[MissCanuck]

If it's been several months and she's still "lost" and will not commit, then yes, you are being used as an emotional crutch.

 

If she really wanted to be with you, she wouldn't be waffling. I can pretty much guarantee that when she does meet another guy, she will be gone from your life. Stop allowing yourself to play Security Blanket. If she wants to talk about serious family issues, she needs to be calling someone else.

[MasterMason]

So what do you make of her still contacting me after telling her i've been sleeping with someone else? If I were her I would have cut me off immediately

[boltnrun]

Probably because she believes if she said she wanted you back you'd get rid of the other girl and come running back.

 

Would you?

[MasterMason]

I'd say 60% yes 40% no. I'm just not sure what she wants or expects out of this. She never goes out, and when she does she will either call or text me and tell me about it. She has also said in the past she didn't feel emotionally available. She goes to school from around 7 in the morning to 4-5 in the afternoon Monday through Friday and works at least a few days a week and we also live a few hours away from each other. Not saying this makes the behavior excusable, but it is something to be considered

[boltnrun]

I'd say 60% yes 40% no. I'm just not sure what she wants or expects out of this. She never goes out, and when she does she will either call or text me and tell me about it. She has also said in the past she didn't feel emotionally available. She goes to school from around 7 in the morning to 4-5 in the afternoon Monday through Friday and works at least a few days a week and we also live a few hours away from each other. Not saying this makes the behavior excusable, but it is something to be considered

 

So does that mean when she starts dating a new guy you'd be fine with her calling or texting you to tell you all the details? Or maybe even to ask your advice about the new guy? Since you two are acting like "friends", you can expect this to happen next.

 

If that's not OK with you, how about you ask her to stop?

[sentiententity]

Yeah, sounds like you're a crutch.