He said he's testing the waters to my reaction

[Redfox1877]

Hey guys, just a quick one.

Can someone please tell me if I'm missing diverging here.

I'm very direct and black and white girl, and have trouble reading between the lines.

 

Ok, started seeing a guy..were both very busy with work and kids, but get on very well and obviously fancy each other lots. Been on a few dates...having a great time...nothing pushy.

We're not official as he said..lets see how it goes..fine with me.no problem.

 

Anyway...were both out in the city tonight on separate Christmas work dos, he texts and says where are you all tonight..I want to see you.

.I told him where..

Hours later, get a text off him saying...guess what..my work lot are coming to the club your at.

I replied, brill, be good to see you..more the merrier..lets have a Christmas drink.

Didn't think much of it.

He replied...really? You'd want me there?

I said..yes it's cool...just a few drinks with people...no problem here.

He decided to go home...??

Saying he will call me tomorrow and that he's in an iffy mood...all kisses and usual text stuff.

 

I text later on that evening..asking why he went home.

He said, I was only joking about us all coming to the club.,.i was just testing the water to see your reaction.

And again, all good, chat tomorrow.

 

 

This has thrown me a bit...as I said I'm black and white...so struggle to read anything that's between the lines..

 

Maybe I'm daft, can anyone shed any light on man talk...lol.

I know it's not a serious thread...but still puzzled.

Will chat to him tomorrow, when he calls...

[gebaird]

It sounds to me like he was just feeling out the situation. Do you like surprises? Are you okay being seen with him while you are with co-workers? I'm sure your positive response reassured him, even if he was pulling your leg.

[ParisPaulette]

Hmm, that's not good. It's not good at all. It sounds like he was suspicious you might be seeing another guy, so he put out a "test" to find out if you were receptive to him coming by or if you'd have an "excuse" at which time he could have accused you of seeing others behind his back.

 

I will only advise you to run like the wind from anyone who does weird crap like that to "test" you, because it is a serious red flag of either they have severe trust issues and shouldn't even be dating OR they're controlling and jealous and are starting to "test" you to see what they can get away with and how high you'll jump to please them.

 

if it were me, and it has been, I would end things on the spot. That's just messed up. There should not have to be any reading between the lines when it comes to people. They are either black and white, like you, or they are into playing games or are running little "I wonder what she'll put up with next" on you to see how much control you will give them.

 

I can't tell you what to do here, but I think you'll wish you'd paid more attention to this first red flag somewhere down the line if you continue to see him. That's totally elfed up, because he basically lied to you to "test" your reaction and see if you were okay with him seeing you while you were out with other people. The fact is he should not be that jealous and weird about you spending time with other people that he feels he has to "test" anything.

 

And yes, I'm sure he's going to tell you all about the woman or women who cheated on him and that's why he "tested" you. And your only response should then be, "I am not those other women. If you are going to start flogging issues around me you need to go see a therapist, because I will not put up with it. One more incident like this and we are done."

 

And you stick to your word, because the camel just tried to put his nose in the tent so to speak and this can only go down from there. And I know I'm being negative and I'm sorry, but your instincts are sending up little red flags right now or you wouldn't be on here even asking if this is normal. It's not. No. I've seen a lot of people with serious control issues and jealousy or worse pull stuff like that. Normal guys don't. They either come join the party or they let you go out and enjoy your friends and think nothing of it. There is no "test" about anything.

[Wiseman2]

It's pretty clear cut that he wanted to see you one-on-one, not at a work party. Perhaps it would be best after just a few dates to keep it about one-on-one dates rather than exposing your coworkers and new dates to each other. Way too soon for that.

Been on a few dates. he texts and says where are you all tonight..I want to see you. He decided to go home...??

[JaggerJim]

Sorry I don't get it Testing the waters for what?

 

Tell him to grow up, if he can't come down and have a christmas drink.

[JaggerJim]

After thinking about it some more, I'm pretty sure he was hinting at taking you home and sleeping with you.

[Jibralta]

After thinking about it some more, I'm pretty sure he was hinting at taking you home and sleeping with you.

 

That's good^

 

Redfoxx, whatever he meant, it's pretty clear that he's NOT black-and-white. Sounds like he'd make your life a constant riddle.

[Sportster2005]

Testing is cowardly and passive-aggressive. Dump him.

[catfeeder]

How long have you been seeing this guy?

 

If you really-really like him, I'd give him the benefit of doubt and consider this a dumb joke on a whim. Sort of on par with quipping, when someone takes too long to answer their door, "We know you're in there!" when it's just him.

 

I wouldn't make a big deal of it, but I'd heed Paris' input to observe whether the guy shows any signs of jealousy or control. While this may just be a one-off joke gone wrong, if he starts to show you that he assumes you're with other men when you're not with him, don't be flattered by that--dump him.

[katrina1980]

I think the fact he admitted he was *testing* you is more telling than him actually testing you.

 

I have tested guys before, albeit not consciously.

 

It's only later, in retrospect, when I think "yeah that was a shyt test" and feel badly.

 

This guy seemed almost smug about it, which indicates (to me) testing, playing games, is his usual MO.

 

But as catfeeder said, if you really-really like, you could give him another shot, but if you see a pattern, it's next.