Why can't I make friends?

[Lotusavx]

I've been feeling very depressed lately because it is the end of my first semester in college and I haven't met any friend. I mean, I have met people and interacted with them and done group projects and talked to people in my classes, but I haven't met any good girlfriends or even a couple new friends who I do stuff with outside of school. I have always had trouble making friends, but being in college I thought it would be easy. I look at people around me and they are social and whenever I am here I am always alone. Aside from getting an education, one of the reasons I came to college was in hopes of finding new friends. I was living with my ex for 2 years after high school and lost touch with a lot of my high school friends (not all). Also, I don't know anyone at my college that went to my high school. I know it's hard to find genuine people to be friends with. I'm not into drama and talking behind other people's backs, I can't have friends that do that because I am not like that at all, also not much of a partier. I just want a couple nice genuine girls who I connect with, but I just can't seem to find it. I have 2 good friends that I see regularly, but I want to find friends in college, and make memories with people in college rather than just memories of classes and school work. My biggest fear is going through my 20s (I am 21) without meeting any new friends. I get very depressed and feel like a total loser for not even being able to meet people on college where there are supposed to be many people with stuff in common with each other. Thank you for reading

[Hollyj]

Why don't you join groups or do volunteer work? I made a lot of friends this way.

[Scoe141]

What are your interests? If you can find a group (like Hollyj said), there's a good chance you'll be able to connect with folks who like the same things you do.

[Wiseman2]

Do you live on campus? How many extracurricular sports, groups, clubs, events,etc. are you involved in? This not only rounds you out as a person but is the best way to make friends. Have to joined a sorority or any other friendship-style groups?

 

Being stuck with a guy prematurely for 2 yrs playing house may have stunted your growth as a person so be patient and just slowly learn to interact with various people again. Of course to make friends you have to be a friend. How often do you do the initiating of going out, inviting, coming up with ideas, etc?

Aside from getting an education, one of the reasons I came to college was in hopes of finding new friends. I was living with my ex for 2 years after high school and lost touch with a lot of my high school friends

[journeynow]

What do you do to start friendships and what can you do to nurture them? Consider everyone a potential friend, or a friend who you don't know yet, and start connecting in some way. Not every one of them will develop into a good friend. It takes time to know which friends are nice and genuine, but the first step is to give people a chance. You could start a study group, or a coffee group, or start something social, and don't give up if it doesn't pan out right away, it is still a move in a direction you'd like to go. This statement: " My biggest fear is going through my 20s (I am 21) without meeting any new friends" is a huge burden to put on yourself, and I think creates an obstacle, as if you are prejudging your next decade. Your friendships at this stage in life will be different from your friendship in your first decade and your second decade, because you are at a different phase of life, as are your potential friends. My suggestion is to pursue your interests both in and outside of school, and reach out to people in those areas to socialize. Don't compare yourself to others (" I look at people around me and they are social"), maybe those people are partiers, drama queens and gossips, so not a friend match to you anyway. Most likely you are not the only one who finds themselves alone at college, so look for them and reach out for friendship.

[happyfrank]

Talk to classmates and exchange numbers. Plan study dates.