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Have you ever been disgusted by an obese person?


cocolove1823

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Ok so this is going to come of way wrong but I honestly am not sure how to reconcile how I feel in this situation.

 

Let me start by saying I am not thin, I never have been thin (and never will be and I am totally good with that, I would LOVE to be fit yet curvy), I have for the most part been and athletic to slightly chubby body type. That went a bit deeper into the chubby/fat realm once I stopped my 12 year soccer career over a knee injury and surgery left me a bit... not like myself I guess. Starting college, I was pretty golden yet still insecure. Looking back on pics I was pretty well off body type wise. Still athletic, yet not in the best shape. Over the years since graduation I have packed on pounds and had my gallbladder removed, and only recently decided to make a significant change in my lifestyle.

 

So, fast forward to this year, August (5 months ago to be precise), and I made the big leap to really educate myself on nutrition and working out. Ever since, I have been at the gym 6 days a week and monitoring my eating SERIOUSLY. I am still overweight but am in a MUCH healthier place than I was in, say, July.

 

Anyway, there's this guy who I work with who is MORBIDLY obese. I don't even know him but I find myself resenting him, maybe because I see parts of my old self in him, though I was never close to being as big as he is. He uses comedy as an out, or defense, I guess. He lives with the guy who sits next to me who is also huge, not as "fat" I would say but just a BIG guy. I think others have influenced me on this as they've told me their apartment is completely disgusting. Messy, smelly, etc. The guy next to me brings fish for lunch and douses it in tabasco which churns my stomach. It paints my view of them.

 

Anyhow, the bigger guy (I mean he is HUGE, he cannot walk properly, waddles almost (and I don't mean the to sound insensitive so please spare the hate) came over tot all to his roommate, my desk mate, today, and IMMEDIATELY it smelled of raw old cheese, disgusting sweat, etc. I almost threw up.

 

I find myself, now that I have challenged myself to teach my mind about health and wellness, completely disgusted with obese people. The funny thing is, I was obese at one point, and I get their views and their practices, but now that I know how deeply important it is to take control of oneself because we only get one life, I feel such resentment. It's not necessarily everyday people, sometimes yes, but this one coworker who smells, tells jokes all the time, constantly seeking attention, but is completely undesirable, I don't know, I just feel nasty when I am around him. I feel bad, I want to feel empathy, but part of me is like "dude, wake up, you are in control of your life, have some self respect." I guess I feel that because now I am working so hard for my own self, hitting the gym almost every day, controlling my eating, and I see how much of an effort it is, and that he doesn't give a flying crap makes me angry.

 

I don't know. I am not seeking a bunch of hate here, I am trying to be very real. If anyone has any tips who have gone thru these feelings, let me know. Thanks!!!

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I think the biggest issue here is you're classifying people into one category...you don't understand "their" practices because everyone is an individual. Grouping people into one category is making a whole lot of assumptions based on Ine similarity.

 

i think a lot of this may be a reflection of what you've been through and impacted by your previous weight concerns.

 

I hope that makes sense...I'm extremely tired right now and. It very coherent.

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Thanks, Birdie. Yeah, I know a lot of it has to do with projecting my own past insecurities onto this one guy, or obese people in general.

 

I think within this certain situation though, too, I left out the fact that when our office has free lunch (once a week) he is the first to get up and grab it, he takes more than he should leaving the people who are designated to get theirs after him with less (or none). We also have regular potlucks, and he is the only one emailing the entire staff to bring dishes, incessant reminders.

 

I feel very bad feeling the way I do, and I don't mean to generalize because I know people have different conditions etc (I have hypothyroidism, so that in itself is a complete hurdle for losing weight), but when I see people who are just completely off the rails, I can almost sense the discomfort, I guess it doesn't help watching shows like "My 600 lb Life."

 

I think what really has offended me is the insanely intense smells they give off, this one guy in particular. I can't fathom how he doesn't notice it. And it bugs me that he tries to use the comedy and jokes as a cover up. I know each individual is different and needs to learn things on their own time but knowing now what I know about how IMPORTANT nutrition and exercise is, and the effort it takes to go day in and day out, even when you work thru tears to go, it really upsets me seeing people who just absolutely do not care. I don't want to see this guy die in 3 years but it could happen the rate he is. I just see the laziness that has taken hold of so many people nowadays and I want to save them but I can't because I feel such disgust, and I know It's a. not my place to intervene and b. up to them to change.

 

Thanks for your reply

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The thing is, none of us can really know another's situation, the why's of why they are like they are. We might see someone we don't understand and think they are off the rails, but we don't know their reality. Who knows if they have overcome some horrific challenge, one that might have flattened us, to be standing where they are, functioning at the level as they are. It's tricky territory to be judging other people in the way we judge ourselves. I don't know if I'm making sense. What you see as lazy, might be lazy for you because you know yourself. For someone else, it might be the best they can do at this time given their circumstances, which we don't entirely know. You can only decide what is best for you, and it sounds like you are on a healthy path. I don't know why you react strongly to this guy. You don't have to like him, but since it is making you feel bad to judge him as you do, you can give yourself permission to not care how he looks or smells, or that his personality is not to your taste. He's not you, he's not a reflection on you, and it's ok. You don't have to hate him either. Try to focus on something else.

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Feelings are one thing. Actions are another. Many things repulse us and they don't have to be defensible. I don't necessarily think you should be ashamed to be repulsed by someone 200+ pounds overweight any more than you should be if you were repulsed by a meth addict who'd lost 3/4 of their teeth or a heavy smoker who you can hear coughing up tar every five minutes. Thing is you still treat them like a person.

 

I'll be honest in that I used to very harshly judge morbidly obese individuals, but the fact of the matter is they've got an illness in addiction. It's not a life an emotionally healthy person chooses, and it's not something most people in your or my shoes can directly relate to.

 

And with regard to the smell, I personally have no problem letting someone know (discretely, of course), that they've got some stank going on. Very occasionally, I've foregone my afternoon reapplication (my pits have always been prone to sweating). Last time someone pointed it out to me was years ago, but I've caught it myself since, and if I've caught it, I know someone else had to have. I wouldn't mind one bit someone giving me a heads up. If you don't want to approach him about it and it's a chronic thing, it may be best to approach your super and see if they can amicably approach it.

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I actually understand where you're coming from to some degree. I work hard to keep my body healthy and eat the right foods etc. It's not easy to stay away from the junky foods, because they are so nice. But it's a choice and self control. I sometimes wonder that as well when I see an obese person, do they not want the same?

To question it is human, but to judge and hate does no one any good.

 

But truth be told, we cannot guess as to why they are like that. They could have emotional issues with it that are extremely difficult to deal with, or they could have a health problem that makes it difficult for them to stay thinner or to take extra weight off or there could be some other reason.

I guess what I am saying is, we can only worry about ourselves and our own weights and to not sit in judgement when we will nearly fully comprehend someone else's journey or why they are the way they are. So in that regard, it's not fair to do so.

They might actually be lazy or making bad choices, but again, we only need to worry about what we're doing and what choices we make, cause after all they have to live with their own choices, and we have to live with ours, and there is enough hate in this world, so it's better to just be kind.

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