Why do i feel guilty?

[tootie34]

My ex, who is also father of my child, and I broke up a year ago. Ended ok but because he dogged me out on social media etc I just couldn't be there for him like I was before but I never retaliated. He got involved with someone else who was obviously in love with him a few weeks after he and I ended. But about a few months ago we settled our differences, even had sex a few times. Kinda got over the stage of missing him because I suspected he came onto me because he and his girl were on bad terms. I'd notice that whenever he was with someone he'd have an attitude, bring my money when he felt like it but when they were on bad terms he'd be all nice to me. but now he is in legal trouble and needs my help. I don't have an issue but this is the thing. I help him so much by being considerate of the fact that he has no stable job, give me about $25 a week, even took off one day while he was sick to take care of him even after our arguing etc. but each time he gets back on good terms with another chick, he gives me his butt to kiss. And I regret each time I help him. Lately he calls asks me legal questions, and I give him accurate information, I even said I'd write him a character letter. I politely told him that I think the best advice to seek would be from his attorney etc or a firm that offers free consultation. He says "does that mean don't ask you anything?" and I said "Yes." now he's all emotional, telling everyone that because I'm not getting what I want that I don't have his best interest at heart. .I gave this man everything and he continues to use me but I'm done with lending and helping him. But for some reason I feel bad still.

[gebaird]

You're doing the right thing by setting a clear boundary. He's definitely been using you, and your resentment will continue to grow if you allow him to walk all over you. Don't be his twinkie on the side, the one he runs to whenever he has a problem. Your guilt stems from the fact that you are breaking an old pattern, and hopefully it will pass. Not allowing someone to use you isn't something you need to feel guilty about. Regularly disrespecting yourself by allowing him to violate your boundaries is the real issue that needs to be resolved.

[Wiseman2]

Do you live together? Does he pay child support? All you really "owe" each other is taking care of the child first both through child support and visitation.

 

It sounds like you are now fwb and he is in an on/off relationship. What does "dogged me out on social media etc" mean and was that just the last straw or were there other problems?

My ex, who is also father of my child, and I broke up a year ago. he has no stable job, give me about $25 a week..I gave this man everything and he continues to use me

[tyler876]

It's seems like less of guilt and more like love. But he clearly dont deserve it you are doing the right thing

[tootie34]

You're doing the right thing by setting a clear boundary. He's definitely been using you, and your resentment will continue to grow if you allow him to walk all over you. Don't be his twinkie on the side, the one he runs to whenever he has a problem. Your guilt stems from the fact that you are breaking an old pattern, and hopefully it will pass. Not allowing someone to use you isn't something you need to feel guilty about. Regularly disrespecting yourself by allowing him to violate your boundaries is the real issue that needs to be resolved.

Wow, this actually made me cry. It's just tough to realize you are being loved but manipulated to one's advantage.

[tootie34]

Do you live together? Does he pay child support? All you really "owe" each other is taking care of the child first both through child support and visitation.

 

It sounds like you are now fwb and he is in an on/off relationship. What does "dogged me out on social media etc" mean and was that just the last straw or were there other problems?

No we don't live together. He is not legally accountable for payments, he just gives 25 or 30 a week or every two weeks. And he slandered my name after he didn't get his way basically.

[tootie34]

It's seems like less of guilt and more like love. But he clearly dont deserve it you are doing the right thing

Thanks love.

[Wiseman2]

He's supposed to give his child money, not you. It's his legal obligation to the child to support it. It's not a choice or an ad hoc thing, because it's what the child is entitled to by law. You must pursue it on behalf of your child rather than fear you'll lose your fwb.

 

He's not allowed to support a child "if he feels like it", "when he has it", etc. He has to by law and if that means getting a second job rather than prowling around with you as well as other women then so be it.

 

He needs to grow up and make better use of his time and become responsible.

He is not legally accountable for payments, he just gives 25 or 30 a week or every two weeks. And he slandered my name after he didn't get his way basically.

[tootie34]

He's supposed to give his child money, not you. It's his legal obligation to the child to support it. It's not a choice or an ad hoc thing, because it's what the child is entitled to by law. You must pursue it on behalf of your child rather than fear you'll lose your fwb.

 

He's not allowed to support a child "if he feels like it", "when he has it", etc. He has to by law and if that means getting a second job rather than prowling around with you as well as other women then so be it.

 

He needs to grow up and make better use of his time and become responsible.

I definitely agree.