In love but can't be together because it's too much

[gypsything]

Hi everyone! I've been trying to find a thread that i could relate to but i figured i might as well tell my own story.

 

So my ex boyfriend and I were friends before we got into a relationship. I was his first girlfriend. The first year was full of a lot of confusion. He wouldn't tell me he loved me because he didn't "know how", he didn't communicate any feelings with me, then he broke up with me because he felt like he needed to do more in his life.. Afterwards he begged for me back within a few days and we got back together to work on it. We had a good relationship full of love but we were way too comfortable together. All we ever did was sit in bed while he would play video games. Me, being the person i am, didn't mind. But it became a thing over the next 2 years of our relationship, as well as on and off break ups. The reason behind each break up was because he wasnt happy with his life. One time we broke up and he went to north carolina to clean up because he wanted to be in the marines. I grew the courage to completely cut it off with him because i felt like he didn't care about me, he kept breaking up with me and it hurt. I ended up dating someone new and when he found out...he begged and cried for me back. He even wrote an entire journal until i came back to him. And of course, me being in love with him like i was, i went back because he was my best friend. He told me he loved me and we were soulmates, i believe it still til this day. But our last break up was hard. Our relationship was still full of laying in bed and video games, and i decided to go out for my dreams by modeling, and hang our with friends when i had time. I tried to maintain a healthy balance in our relationship and he got jealous and upset with me. He was so in love and he would show it every day and i was happy with that, but he started getting jealous and insecure. Every weekend turned into an argument. But when we were with each other things were good. We finally decided to break up because it was just too much. He still felt like he needed to do more in his life, which was true. He's 21 with no license or car. Im 22 with a car and a good head on my shoulders. I tried to guide him and support him but he took it as me nagging. I had to agree to this break up because it's draining. Breaking up and making up with someone you love to the point where you've never even celebrated an anniversary is depressing. I miss him so much. We both love each other but it just isn't working out and i don't know what to do. I know time will heal and put things in perspective but i don't know why he made everything so hard for us. I wish there was better timing. He was my best friend, we have a lot in common and we just connect on a mental and spiritual level. Its really hard to let go even though i know i have to.

 

I just want some insight especially from a man. I wish i could understand what's going on in his head. And will we ever be in the future when he grows up and realizes i was there for him through everything?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It seems you were quite incompatible when it came to goals, values, ambition etc. It may be best to realize that while you connected on some levels you didn't on some very important ones.

 

Agree, it is depressing to be in unstable on/off relationships. Perhaps this is your chance to see that it doesn't have to be that way with the right person. Stay no contact and block him so you can heal and move on.

One time we broke up because he wanted to be in the marines. our last break up was hard. Our relationship was still full of laying in bed and video games. Every weekend turned into an argument. I tried to guide him and support him but he took it as me nagging.Breaking up and making up with someone you love to the point where you've never even celebrated an anniversary is depressing.

[gypsything]

Thank you so much for replying @wiseman2 . Right after this post i couldn't take it and tried to beg for him back, which was the worst thing i could have done. But you are completely right. I consider myself an independent woman who could take care of herself and he was just stagnant and i wanted to change that.