Talked to another woman one time other than my girlfriend

[tszym23]

Hey, so about a month ago, my girlfriend of almost two years that lives with me started recieving snapchats from a person i have never seen her snap, or talk to. One night we were hanging out taking goofy pictures and this person snapped her a video, my girlfriend would not show me this, or tell me who it was, she tried to tell me it was some girl that tried hitting on her and wanting to be with her, red flag because out of the blue?? she would never tell me this girls name, said she forgot it and that it didnt matter. Out of anger, i let a girl text me a nude picture of which i texted back, and this only happened one night, i texted flirting and telling her that i like her picture and this and that. After that night i felt so bad about it and being angry i tried forgetting it, and i never looked back at the message again. Last friday, i went out with my buddies and left my phone at the house, my girlfriend got onto my facebook and saw the message with the girl, and then left our home, and never came back until sunday. She said i hurt her which i understand i did, i did it in anger and there is no excuse for it. I did a heartbreaking and friendship wrecking act. She says she loves me and that she wants us to work and to be together again, but she thinks that moving to her friends house and hour away, is the best choice. after pretty much two years, she just wants to up and move when her job and everything is here. I believe that she needs to stay, to work on us getting better, that she needs to stay in order for me to show her my love, show her how bad i feel, and prove to her to earn her trust back. But she thinks moving away is the best choice, i do not, i firmly believe if she leaves then that will not help fix anything with us, specially since she said she wants us back. Any help or thoughts on what to do.

[ThatwasThen]

She thinks moving away is the best choice because she'll be free to indulge with whomever it was that snapchatted her and she refused to show you.

You? Well you were not only irresponsible and disloyal to be accepting nude photos of women and texting them back how great they were while in a committed relationship, you were totally dumb to keep that pic in your phone.

 

I think you should just break up instead of have a break and when you heal and have learned a lesson from this fiasco, then and only then look seriously for a new partner.

 

Taking a break is just the long route to a what should have been a "break up."

[SherrySher]

So basically you assumed she was doing something wrong and you retaliated by flirting with another woman? The video might have not been anything, you realise that, right?

But you willingly spoke to another woman and flirted with her. You took a really wrong turn here and if she wants to leave, don't suffocate. You did wrong, now let her do as she wants.

[Kaykayxo]

You are saying "I believe that she needs to stay"...So you claim to know what is in your girlfriends best interest more than she does? Considering you are the person in the wrong & you are only looking out for your own agenda (your reassurance of the relationship) I don't think your opinion really matters at this point. Did you include the part where she received an annon snapchat to justify YOUR actions? At the end of the day you need to face the consequences. Let her be free to do as she pleases. If she needs space you definitely need to respect that. Time and distance may allow both of you the headspace you need to process things, it may even help with reconciling. You cannot hold your partner back for your own intentions, if you truly love them. You can show your love without her living with you....

[Wiseman2]

Is your gf bi? Unfortunately it sounds like this stunt cost some trust. She can move out and end it because she's not the one who needs to work on anything.

 

Give her space and let her process and decide if this is worth throwing it all away for. She can't do that around you. She needs to miss you and put the whole thing in perspective.

 

In the mean time, go no contact without begging, insisting you've changed, etc. Just sincerely apologize without blaming her as the root cause for what you did. (This is were it became a train-wreck).

she tried to tell me it was some girl that tried hitting on her and wanting to be with her. Out of anger, i let a girl text me a nude picture of which i texted back, and this only happened one night, i texted flirting and telling her that i like her picture and this and that. she thinks that moving to her friends house and hour away, is the best choice. I believe that she needs to stay, to work on us getting better, that she needs to stay in order for me to show her my love

[ParisPaulette]

Did you tell her that the reason you did what you did was revenge against her obvious hiding this snapchat person from you? And then maybe follow that up with, "Shall we both get honest and straight here and work on this relationship, or do we both move on?"

 

If you don't bring up the full thing of what caused this on both your parts, then this relationship is pretty much done. You should have sat her down in the first place and said something like, "When you hide things from me, it makes me not trust you or that you want the same things I want. So right now decide if hiding things is more important to you than our relationship, because if it continues I am out. I won't tell you what to do, but neither will I stay with a partner who hides things from me. Because that will kill what we have anyways."

 

And then she would either of have come clean or you'd have found out what was going on. Instead you acted out of hurt and revenge and kind of got it back in your face, although in this case it almost does sound like she was looking for a 'reason" to move out and move off somewhere else. Unfortunately, you provided her with enough ammo to do that.

 

Unless the two of you can and will sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk about full honesty and disclosure in a relationship this is pretty much over and was the moment she refused to show you who was snapchatting her. Although two wrongs don't make a right, they do indicate that something else is seriously wrong with the relationship.

 

Try to have a talk with her about that and see if you get anywhere. If not you may want to rethink whether you're down with the whole partner hiding things on you and you then feeling the best course of action is revenge. That's not a healthy response to relationship issues. Try talking them through and see if it helps or if it brings out the full truth, because yes I do believe she's hiding something too.

[SherrySher]

Bravo, Paris....exactly! Why not ask her first what she's hiding before you assume and exact revenge? If you don't trust her, tell her and get to the bottom of the video and ask her to come right out and say what it is or you will have a problem here.

Now you've made a huge mess and you still have no clue if she was cheating or if it was nothing and you very well could lose your girlfriend over it.