i really need help, pls.

[hugemess]

i was dating my boyfriend since the past 5 and half years. was going to be 6 in january. We both are 21 and just graduated this year and had the been in the same college since the past 6 years till the end of engineering. We really loved each other assuming he actually did too. from the past one year he had been worried about his career and what he has to do ahead. somewhere down with that he got commtment issues . he has some family issues due to which he does not believe in wedding apparently. i thought it would go oin time so we just kept ignoring. recently it just got more worst and from the past 6 months it was like he was not giving in at all. he stopped trying when we used to fight. then recenlty his mom came to know about us for the second time so he was not in contact with me for a few months. and then everthing got screwed more . he is fearing commitment. i dont know what to do . i love him like crazy but he is not into me as much as i am . is there any way i can get him back please. i know being strong and is what everybody says but i cannot deal with this pain. after 6 years of someone body fearing if it me or not. i cannot take it pplease help. please help me get back to him. i really want to . there are compliactions i understand in long term feelings differ but i really really love him a lot and always have. i have never been bad , i really never hurt him. and i am miserable . i have lost my breathe . its been a week . please help me please.

[hugemess]

please i am miserable i really need some help . i really love him a lot and cannot handle myself.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately you were both tied down way too young for way too long. Also he just graduated and is concerned with his career perhaps becoming established financially on his feet and talking marriage is ridiculous given that, not to mention he's only 21 and has never had the chance to date anyone else.

 

What do you mean "his mom came to know about us for the second time so he was not in contact with me for a few months'. Why don't his parents know about you and why would that cause him to go no contact?

 

Do his parent know you are pressuring him for marriage right out of school and at 21 yrs old? If so, they may have advised him to break up and get more focused on his career and becoming independent, rather than tied down to marriage way way too young..

i was dating my boyfriend since the past 5 and half years. We both are 21. he does not believe in wedding apparently. recenlty his mom came to know about us

[happyfrank]

Both of you are very young. Not everybody is ready to settle down right away. I don't blame him fearing commitment. He is 21.

 

Give yourself some time. You will feel better soon.

[hyden]

We both are 21 and just graduated this year and had the been in the same college since the past 6 years till the end of engineering.

 

You both started college at 15? Impressive. Congrats on graduating. On the topic of your issue, it makes sense that he would have commitment issues. He is 21 and has only had one experience dating/interacting with women. It sucks, but your relationships tend not to work out due to this. One, the other or both feel the need to have more experiences before they commit.

[MissCanuck]

You are both really too young to marry. He has only really ever known you, and probably wants to explore. Yes, it hurts. But it's normal at your ages, especially when you've only dated one person.

 

Why didn't his parents know about you? What are the complicating factors you mention?

 

The important thing to realize here is that there is no magical solution to get him back. If he doesn't want to, you cannot make him. The worst thing you can do right now is beg or throw yourself at him. So if you've been doing that, you need to stop. Show him you can handle yourself maturely, even in the face of pain.

[KantSleep]

I feel your pain. It sucks. There is nothing I, or anyone on these boards, can do to fix that. The best I can say is TIME will heal your wounds. If he is gone for good, you will have no choice but to accept it. In the meantime, immerse yourself in a hobby, friends and/or family. Write down your feelings. Write down what was good and bad about this relationship. Learn from this. You were in a long term relationship, so you know you can do this. You can share yourself and give your heart to another. You can do that again, and when the time is right, it will be with someone permanent, someone who is on the same page as you. Think about who you are and what you have to offer a man. Look at all your positive attributes. Think about how someone will benefit from that someday. Think to the future while you heal. Your heart will mend, and there will come a day when the sun is shining and you will see the beauty of the day - once again. Come here to vent. It helps. Hugs and good luck.