Have I been played?

[ladyscott]

Hoping for some impartial advice as I feel like I'm going a little crazy...

 

I have been 'seeing' a guy online for a while now, we have met in person years ago (we were friends) and things felt great - talked everyday about absolute rubbish and also the future together, constantly told me he loved me, how amazing I was and how he wanted me and no one else but me. We live at opposite ends of the country so we'd discussed that we'd need to move at some point in the long term. I felt so connected to him and he said he felt the same. We discussed lots of intimate tings and stuff about our past and our lives. We're both adults in our 30s.

 

Suddenly all communication stopped. He has depression and I thought this was why, as he mentioned he needed some time away from social media/work etc, but not me, the day before he stopped. I have had nothing since, and it's now been a week. I only know he's alive as I looked at his instagram page and he's liked other people's photos. I also noticed he's been liking one woman's photos in particular, even ones she posted last year....which rang alarm bells for me, but I didn't want to be paranoid as he has openly admitted to having lots of female 'online' friends which didn't bother me. But she has been tagging him in a lot of photos (not photos of him).

 

I sent him an email to say I loved him etc, hoped he was okay and I'm here etc. but got nothing back. He also hasn't 'read' any of my last 3 messenger messages, but they have been received and he's definitely been online.

 

I don't want to think the worst, but with no communication at all....it's so hard. I don't know how someone can say such things to someone (love, marriage, future, etc. etc.) and the next week...nothing at all. I think I deserve an answer but with no communication it's impossible! I just don't know what to do anymore and it's hurting so much.

 

Do I wait...if so how long for? Or do I just accept he was a really nasty guy and move on?

[SherrySher]

Yes, you could have easily been played. Online "relationships" cannot be taken too seriously. Many people lie and are involved with more than one person or lie who they are and so on. It sounds as though you're not the only one he has been involved with and he openly admitted to having a lot of female "friends" online.

He is clearly ignoring you now and is paying attention to another woman, that should be a clear enough indication for you.

He can't be that depressed if he ignores you but is paying attention to this woman, right?

[Reflections11]

I would just back off. When people stop answering, the worst thing you can do is follow your instinct to try harder and contact them more.

I wouldn't "Wait" though either. I think it makes more sense to form in person relationships with people you can see in real life. Moving in with somebody you have only talked to online for years sounds like trouble (and also doesnt sound very likely to ever happen lol)

[Wiseman2]

What was the context of knowing each other yrs ago and then reacquainting? Did he look you up on fb?

 

Have you visited each other since this reunion? Do you think his wife/gf found out and shut it down? have met in person years ago.Suddenly all communication stopped. he mentioned he needed some time away from social media/work etc, but not me, the day before he stopped. I sent him an email to say I loved him etc, hoped he was okay and I'm here etc. but got nothing back. He also hasn't 'read' any of my last 3 messenger messages, but they have been received and he's definitely been online.

[ladyscott]

What was the context of knowing each other yrs ago and then reacquainting? Did he look you up on fb?

 

Have you visited each other since this reunion? Do you think his wife/gf found out and shut it down?

 

Yes it was a fb thing - a 'people you may know' job. We just got talking and catching up and it progressed from there. No, haven't met since, but had planned it for after Christmas.

 

I certainly saw no indication of a 'real-life' gf - facebook photos etc. and he spent so much time talking to me (until very recently) I wouldn't have thought he'd even have time to be honest! I guess I was completely naïve

[ThatwasThen]

"Played?" This was fantasy online relationship where nothing said was ever backed up with actions which means they were just words.

 

Do yourself a favor and get off of the computer and get out into the real world and meet men that you an actually touch, do fun activities with, kiss, hug, smell their scent and see if you're actually compatible enough (learned through actions that match words) to have a REAL relationship with.

 

Unless this is an arranged marriage type of interaction then it was all just fantasy and unless you gave him money, you were not played. You just allowed your infatuation to get the better of you when you didn't even know who he really is.

 

Don't contact him again and if he contacts you, ignore him. You likely won't block and delete him but that would be in your best interests in order to get over the fantasy and the addiction to talking to him regularly.

 

Don't let yourself "fall" for someone that you can't be with in person again. You're too vulnerable to words without action to back them up as truth.

[Wiseman2]

People have entire real life affairs, so emotional online affairs are even easier to conceal. Or he went back to his wife/gf...because you have no way of knowing how he lives now.

 

Sorry this happened, it seems he played the "we know each other" card and tried to pick up where things left off yrs ago. It may be best to go no contact and block him. If he wanted to reach out he would, as you mentioned, he's on social media so didn't drop off the earth.

I certainly saw no indication of a 'real-life' gf - facebook photos etc. and he spent so much time talking to me (until very recently) I wouldn't have thought he'd even have time to be honest! I guess I was completely naïve

[ladyscott]

"Played?" This was fantasy online relationship where nothing said was ever backed up with actions which means they were just words.

 

Do yourself a favor and get off of the computer and get out into the real world and meet men that you an actually touch, do fun activities with, kiss, hug, smell their scent and see if you're actually compatible enough (learned through actions that match words) to have a REAL relationship with.

 

Unless this is an arranged marriage type of interaction then it was all just fantasy and unless you gave him money, you were not played. You just allowed your infatuation to get the better of you when you didn't even know who he really is.

 

Don't contact him again and if he contacts you, ignore him. You likely won't block and delete him but that would be in your best interests in order to get over the fantasy and the addiction to talking to him regularly.

 

Don't let yourself "fall" for someone that you can't be with in person again. You're too vulnerable to words without action to back them up as truth.

 

 

Thank you, harsh, but probably true! I think I let our previous friendship cloud my judgement. I guess I'm too trusting and nice for my own good. I think it's just annoying because I wasn't the one really interested to start with, he just hooked me in and I guess lied to me by telling me everything I thought I wanted to hear...then after having his ego stroked, just stopped. I don't like to see the bad in people - too soft for my own good!

[ladyscott]

People have entire real life affairs, so emotional online affairs are even easier to conceal. Or he went back to his wife/gf...because you have no way of knowing how he lives now.

 

Sorry this happened, it seems he played the "we know each other" card and tried to pick up where things left off yrs ago. It may be best to go no contact and block him. If he wanted to reach out he would, as you mentioned, he's on social media so didn't drop off the earth.

 

Thank you, it bloody hurts and feel like a right idiot, but I think I let the depression card be an excuse...and ignored the cold hard facts!

[SherrySher]

Don't be too harsh on yourself, we all want to believe the good in people. Unfortunately, he was the one trying to make you feel sorry for him by using the depression card but then still is online and paying attention to other women whilst ignoring you...that can't be dismissed. He is messing about.

[ladyscott]

Don't be too harsh on yourself, we all want to believe the good in people. Unfortunately, he was the one trying to make you feel sorry for him by using the depression card but then still is online and paying attention to other women whilst ignoring you...that can't be dismissed. He is messing about.

 

Thank you! Feel like such a fool for falling for it I hate the fact I can't even tell him that either! lol

[ladyscott]

And you were all correct! A bit of internet snooping and I found some more incriminating Instagram photos...so I messaged the women...who didn't reply to me...but I suddenly got an angry message from him saying he'd met someone last week and now she'd dumped him and I was to leave him alone. Wow, I was such a fool!

[Wiseman2]

Excellent you exposed this creep and now he's gone. You're not the fool, he deceived you. Block/delete and date local guys who meet with you asap.

And you were all correct! A bit of internet snooping and I found some more incriminating Instagram photos...so I messaged the women...who didn't reply to me...but I suddenly got an angry message from him saying he'd met someone last week and now she'd dumped him and I was to leave him alone. Wow, I was such a fool!

[katrina1980]

And you were all correct! A bit of internet snooping and I found some more incriminating Instagram photos...so I messaged the women...who didn't reply to me...but I suddenly got an angry message from him saying he'd met someone last week and now she'd dumped him and I was to leave him alone. Wow, I was such a fool!

 

Just out of curiosity, what did you say in your message to the other woman?

 

It must've been a doozie since she dumped him cuz of it! lol

 

Anyway, lesson learned, right?

 

I think these type of "cyber RLs" are fine, as long as you don't become too emotionally invested.

 

Keep it fun, light and breezy UNTIL you meet in person.

 

And lest you think you can't control how invested you become and/or how it progresses (or doesn't progress), yes you can.

 

If he starts discussing "feelings, "the future," or even the more intimate and personal details of your life or his, or even if the convo is leaning in that direction, shut it down (nicely, politely).

 

Tell him you've got to run, meeting a friend or something.

 

DON'T allow it to become this intensely personal "interaction" until, or IF, you meet in person.

 

Keep in light and FUN!! Banter, make each other laugh, that type of thing. Key is, not too personal and intimate UNTIL (or if) you meet in person.

 

If it doesn't appear that's gonna happen anytime soon, you walk away. Unless you're looking for a "pen pal" which I don't get the sense you are.

 

Also, don't be so quick to believe everything a man tells you.... on line OR off.

 

Pay attention to actions and of course you can't do that UNTIL you have met in person and gone out on a few dates.

 

That said, sorry it didn't work out as you hoped.... but again, big lesson learned so it's all good.

[ladyscott]

Just out of curiosity, what did you say in your message to the other woman?

 

It must've been a doozie since she dumped him cuz of it! lol

 

Anyway, lesson learned, right?

 

I think these type of "cyber RLs" are fine, as long as you don't become too emotionally invested.

 

Keep it fun, light and breezy UNTIL you meet in person.

 

 

And lest you think you can't control how invested you become and/or how it progresses (or doesn't progress), yes you can.

 

If he starts discussing "feelings, "the future," or even the more intimate and personal details of your life or his, or even if the convo is leaning in that direction, shut it down (nicely, politely).

 

Tell him you've got to run, meeting a friend or something.

 

DON'T allow it to become this intensely personal "interaction" until, or IF, you meet in person.

 

Keep in light and FUN!! Banter, make each other laugh, that type of thing. Key is, not too personal and intimate UNTIL (or if) you meet in person.

 

If it doesn't appear that's gonna happen anytime soon, you walk away. Unless you're looking for a "pen pal" which I don't get the sense you are.

 

Also, don't be so quick to believe everything a man tells you.... on line OR off.

 

Pay attention to actions and of course you can't do that UNTIL you have met in person and gone out on a few dates.

 

That said, sorry it didn't work out as you hoped.... but again, big lesson learned so it's all good.

 

I just asked her if she was seeing/dating the guy or just friends. We ended up having a good chat that night about him! A lot of the pieces fit together well now! Apparently he cried and begged her not to leave and told her he'd deleted all trace of me from his life... cheers mate! Think he's got serious issues.

 

Yeah I think it was the fact I knew him before as s fiend that made me trust him more.. still lesson learnt!

[SherrySher]

I am glad you found out the truth, Lady. I am sorry you had to find out this way, but people online play lots of games. They can sound so sincere and so in love, but are meanwhile telling you and someone else the same bogus. Yes, people do this in real life too, but the internet seems to have made it so much easier and people now a days don't feel as guilty because they are sat behind a computer screen.

Still...what an ass! The second your intuition tells you something is not right, believe it!!

I hope next time around you spend heaps of time IN PERSON so you know what you're dealing with and don't have all these guessing games.

Harsh lesson to learn, but it's why most of us knew straight away what the deal was...lots of us have been there.

For what it's worth feel very lucky you found out like you did. There are much more sneakier arses out there and hide better. You spared yourself a lot of hurt because there is no doubt this jerk will continue doing the same thing again to other women.

[ladyscott]

I am glad you found out the truth, Lady. I am sorry you had to find out this way, but people online play lots of games. They can sound so sincere and so in love, but are meanwhile telling you and someone else the same bogus. Yes, people do this in real life too, but the internet seems to have made it so much easier and people now a days don't feel as guilty because they are sat behind a computer screen.

Still...what an ass! The second your intuition tells you something is not right, believe it!!

I hope next time around you spend heaps of time IN PERSON so you know what you're dealing with and don't have all these guessing games.

Harsh lesson to learn, but it's why most of us knew straight away what the deal was...lots of us have been there.

For what it's worth feel very lucky you found out like you did. There are much more sneakier arses out there and hide better. You spared yourself a lot of hurt because there is no doubt this jerk will continue doing the same thing again to other women.

 

Thankyou I can see all the red flags in hindsight! Looks like she has given him another chance... silly as it sounds I hope it works for them lol Doesn't stop my pain though! X

[katrina1980]

Thankyou I can see all the red flags in hindsight! Looks like she has given him another chance... silly as it sounds I hope it works for them lol Doesn't stop my pain though! X

 

That's not silly at all, that's called being a kind and forgiving person who doesn't allow disappointments/hurt to negatively affect her heart or soul.

 

Feeling resentment and bitterness never solves anything, and will only cause you more pain in the long run.

 

Wish them well (in your heart) and move on, which it sounds like you're doing.

 

Your day will come trust me. The laws of positive thinking and attraction dictate good things happen to good people.