What's wrong with me

[cindycindy]

I sent this to my mom the other day asking for advice...

 

What's confusing to me is why I'm so hung up on him. I pictured so much with him and to this day I still imagine all the things that could/could've happen. I like him so much. Makes me wonder though. Looking back at past guys that I thought I liked a lot, like remember I was over them super soon and if it didn't work then it didn't work. You even made fun of me for being an "independent woman" haha. But with him it's different and I'm still trying to figure out why. He wants nothing to do with me and is set on moving on. Why can't I do the same? Why can't I just realize that and move on as well. Brett said there could've been someone else, but I refused to believe him because Ben is the type of guy to solely focus one person. He may have someone now but that's not the case right now. I don't freaking know. I don't know who to turn to for advice either, it's such a weird situation and they're all gonna tell me the same. There was just something about him. His cute accent, the way he did his cheesy smile, the way he would complain about not having an accent, just him, he's a special one and I wish I would've shown him what a truly sweet guy he is. I love his stubbornness, made me so attracted to him. Probably my favorite feature about him, which is surprising considering his butt was super cute. It's all turned out to be my fault. But is it really though...? I never will understand that but I guess I can't do anything now. Just wish we could've grown together, I needed it and whether he thinks it or not, we all have room for growth. Some more different than others. I wonder if he thinks about me as much as I do. I literally think about him at least once every hour. It's kind of bad for me but I can't help it. It honestly almost makes me feel like I have issues. You know this is weird for me, I'm literally scared and lost. Even the night before thanksgiving, that's all I could think about. There's many little things that remind me of him, it's so ty. Listening to radio turns out to be a singing session of me directing it to him. I even had a dream -- jenny also had one about dylan though so I don't feel as cuckoo ya know. As ridiculous as it sounds it's the truth. I also everyday wish that his "let's work it out" text was an actual thing and whether or not his cousin sent that or not is still a mystery, I just don't get why someone would wanna hurt another person like that. And I also don't understand why I'm still hung up on him for that, but it wasn't his fault, I trust it was his cousin. Maybe I'm not ready. Maybe my relationship with God has to be amazing before anything can happen. My life feels like I'm in a limbo phase and it's taking away from my happiness. I don't think I have terrible luck. It's just that good guys seem to never come around, Ben also was more than that, something so special in such a short amount of time. Meanwhile, I have guys asking me out, there might be a niceish one in there but I am just pushing and pushing them away. And even if there's a good guy trying to get my attention, I don't want him, I want Ben. And could a relationship with one of those boys possibly go somewhere, who knows, but the point is I'm not about it right now. Joe is annoying the hell out of me after being in the same neighborhood. And here I go with things that remind me of Ben, my ex reminds me of Ben because Ben was so cute when he said he'd say something to him if he bugged me again. I remember feeling so damn special, something I'd never felt before. He made me feel safe, and cared for. Whether it was calling to make it better or kissing my cheek at the game. It was all just so great and I didn't appreciate him as much as I should've. And now he's deleted me off everything, how the hell do i take that. I loved watching his posts, just knowing he was happy made me happy. I shouldn't have texted him on Friday when we were all hanging out at home, but I did and I complicated everything. But what's new right? Am I crazy for all of this? Crazy in the sense that it was a guy I was getting to know for a couple of months? I'm sorry to blow up your phone but I've reached my breaking point

[gebaird]

Cindy, I hope you're doing okay. Losing someone who meant this much to you can't be easy.

 

One of the biggest struggles people on this site have is knowing when to let go. "How can I get him (or her) back?" is a common question. The best answer I can give is, "You may not be able to get him back, but you can get YOURSELF back by accepting your reality -- as hard as that might be." Relationships require two willing participants, and if all your advances and attempts to make it work have failed, at some point you've got to just decide to be okay without the fulfillment of those fantasies that happily occupied you for so long. At some point you've got to give up the dream of Ben, but that doesn't mean you're letting go of your hopes for happiness. Your heart will heal, and there will be another Ben -- someone just as wonderful, who will occupy your thoughts and time and attention and reciprocate your feelings.

 

Recovering from heartbreak is never easy, but it's possible. I wish you the best, my friend.