Patience is key?

[Mywaters55]

So I have been talking to this guy for a couple of months and I really like him. We are both in college I and are both 19. He has told me he likes me and being with me but isn't exactly ready for anything serious right now. He texts me everyday and we hang out every weekend. We have had sex but he assures me he isn't using me for that and I believe him. He has only had one relationship before. I took his virginity. I want a relationship with him but I don't know if I should wait because I am afraid of getting hurt

[Chocolate25]

If you feel the need to wait, maybe wait. I guess continue Friendship with him

[SooSad33]

What do you call it?

 

he's NOT ready for anything serious... yet you two are engaged on a regular basis.

 

If he is just using you.,. Im sure you might come to realize it soon enough, in a few more months, when YOU go there again.. wanting a 'title'.. wanting more and he totally pushes you away.

 

More often, the woman get affected.. emotionally, sadly

[SooSad33]

If you feel the need to wait, maybe wait. I guess continue Friendship with him

 

They've gone beyond 'friendship'.

 

To go back to just friends.. would take some time.. and be awkward for a while. I never could. Only one did i accept friendship with again.. because he was real and the ending of what we had was accepted by both.

[DancingFool]

You are both 19 and too young to get overly involved. He is actually being honest with you that he is nowhere near ready for any kind of a serious, committed relationship. Accept him at his word and do not sit there and hope he'll suddenly change his mind and give you what he is not capable of at this point in his life.

 

You should be out having fun, dating other people as well. You've got lots of personal growing and learning to do, lots of fun to have. Don't look to tie yourself down too soon or you'll miss out on the best times of college life. What I'm getting at is boys are a nice to have, but don't center your life around that just yet. Find your interests, discover your passions, learn who you are as a woman, get involved in all kinds of clubs and activities, make tons of friends, don't forget to study and party too and study. You'll change a lot over the next four years as a person, so take full advantage of this time of your life. Once you graduate, get into your career, then you can think about serious relationships and then, you will actually know well enough what kind of a man you need and who to avoid.

[Wiseman2]

Fortunately he's being honest that he's only ready for casual or fwb right now. This way you know where you stand and how want to proceed.

 

Agree he's not using you for sex because he's been upfront about "not wanting a relationship". Hopefully you won't catch feeling or hope it evolves to more than fwb and have talked about whether you are having sex with others and stds and protection.

He has told me he likes me and being with me but isn't exactly ready for anything serious right now. He texts me everyday and we hang out every weekend. We have had sex but he assures me he isn't using me for that.I want a relationship with him.

[Mywaters55]

I guess that's the problem I don't know what we are. He has gotten mad before about me asking if he was just using me for sex and he is not talking to any other girl. It's like we are basically dating but without the title.

QUOTE=SooSad33;6698674]What do you call it?

 

he's NOT ready for anything serious... yet you two are engaged on a regular basis.

 

If he is just using you.,. Im sure you might come to realize it soon enough, in a few more months, when YOU go there again.. wanting a 'title'.. wanting more and he totally pushes you away.

 

More often, the woman get affected.. emotionally, sadly

[Wiseman2]

It sounds more like fwb or casual sex than dating, since he's very clear about not wanting "anything serious" or a relationship.

 

Stop accusing him of using you for sex. He's not because he's not lying or stringing you along and you are volunteering to have sex in a "nothing serious" situation, fully forewarned by him.

 

If you want more you have two choices. Tell him you want a relationship and stop having casual sex until it is an exclusive relationship. Or if you get the 'nothing serious' talk again, end it.

 

Do not assume because you are hanging out "like dating" that that is counter to his straightforward statement of "nothing serious".

He has gotten mad before about me asking if he was just using me for sex and he is not talking to any other girl. It's like we are basically dating but without the title.

[DancingFool]

Nobody can use you for anything without your permission. Having sex is a mutually agreed upon decision 50% of which is on you. If you don't like the terms, you don't sleep with him. If you want a guy who is sleeping with you to call you girlfriend and be clear that you are exclusive, then you keep your legs closed until you meet that guy. In other words, don't put the cart before the horse deal. Don't have sex and then hope for a relationship. Establish what you are before you sleep with him.

 

He is being brutally honest with you that he is not going to be committed to you and is not ready for any kind of a relationship besides the casual deal you have going on. By participating in that, you are accepting it and agreeing to it. So nobody is using anyone here. Again, if you don't like this arrangement, you have all the power in the world to say "sorry, this isn't working for me" and walk away. Start exercising that and you won't be so hurt all the time or have trust issues. Accept your part of the responsibility in the equation and understand that you have full control over that.