I'm horrible at breaking up but I need too. Help!

[chocolatenoose]

For starters I am pretty young, I am only 22. I have been in a relationship with a 37 year old man for around 7 months. It's been all long distance. I'll cut to the chase. Things have been bad for awhile.... I mean quite awhile. I could never muster up the courage and the heart to end things with him because I truly, deeply love this man. BUT I NEED TOO. He has a tendency to be emotionally abusive at times, controlling, insecure, possessive, interrogating me about dumb . There was an instance of infidelity on my part in the very beginning of us beginning to date. I deeply regret it but he did a lot of things that made me think it wouldn't be worth it to stick around waiting for him to forgive me. Things that I do not like about him are he calls me names in arguments or when he is upset, he yells in arguments and it's started to make me yell and cuss back. Which I don't even want to do. Aside from that there are material things that I don't care as much about but it is a cause for concern. He doesn't have a car, doest work, doesn't pay his own bills, his mom is paying his rent right now and he's on food stamps. He is back in a trade school getting certified, which I am extremely proud of him for. BUT I AM WORRIED. I don't know how him and I would be in a functional relationship if he can't hold down a job. Uhg.... breaking the ties will be hard. I am having a severely hard time with it. I've never been so connected with another human and he is my soulmate....BUT at this time in both our lives I know it's best we part. We both need to grow up, and get our together, and he needs to really do some work too before we can be together. I don't know how the hell to break up with him... The thought of breaking his heart breaks my own as well. I've invested everything into this and truly wanted it to work but I can see at the time it's not going too. HOW DO I DO THIS? I feel like because I know he is going to hate me and think of me as heartless.... I know he will think it's because I don't love him but that's not the case. So please tell me....how can I breakup with this man I love without completely hurting him?

[Reflections11]

wow. You are dating a total loser. He has no job. No car. can't pay rent. (this is ridiculous for a 37 year old). AND he treats you poorly.

He's long distance dating somebody 15 years younger than him probably because no female close to his age will go near him.

 

Realize you deserve better, and RUN.

 

If you want to hurt him the least, just be upfront, honest, and quick about it. Don't try to stay friends after either.

[PaintWithLight]

You are in love with a myth. Focus on the reality not the soul-mate you have created. If this guy lived next door, would you even give him the time of day? There must be self-esteem issues involved here.

[melancholy123]

I agree with Reflections11. This guy is a total loser. Anyone age 37 should not be having mommy pay his rent. He should have a job, his own place, his own car, and be able to function like a normal human being. He can't do any of those things. At 22 your life has barely started and you are mixed up with this guy. If you can't tell him in a phone conversation that it's over, then text him that it's not working for you, wish him well, say goodbye. Send that text then immediately block him from your phone, your email, your social media and any other method of communication you have with him. You've wasted a lot of time on this guy. It's time to grow up and find a guy who lives near you and is near your age who has both feet on the ground and is headed in the right direction. Have some faith in yourself that you can do much better.

[BrokenGator]

Also, let's not forget that you cheated on him at the beginning of the relationship. I know what that is like when my ex cheated on me... I've always had doubt about her honesty and commitment to me throughout our relationship. Not saying you would have done this, but she ended up breaking up with me after she cheated on me 2.5 years later with a co-worker of mine.

 

I don't mean to lecture here but you will get from a relationship what you will put into it.

[Iggy5129]

How much more "growing up" can someone do at age 37!?!

[Ms Darcy]

You are dating a total loser. He has no job. No car. can't pay rent. (this is ridiculous for a 37 year old). AND he treats you poorly.

He's long distance dating somebody 15 years younger than him probably because no female close to his age will go near him.

 

I was thinking this. No level-headed 30 something year old woman would touch him with a 10-foot pole.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like you're mad at him for being abusive but you don't want to break up because you've invested too much. You must replace this all day everyday activity with something productive.

 

Doing research on controlling and abusive relationships may give you insight into your need to stay attached to this. That's the only way you'll come out of this narcosis.

he needs to really do some work too before we can be together. The thought of breaking his heart breaks my own as well. I know he will think it's because I don't love him but that's not the case.

[chocolatenoose]

It sounds like you're mad at him for being abusive but you don't want to break up because you've invested too much. You must replace this all day everyday activity with something productive.

 

Doing research on controlling and abusive relationships may give you insight into your need to stay attached to this. That's the only way you'll come out of this narcosis.

Yes. I've invested a lot of time into talking to him, having deep conversations and getting to know him. We have been friends for three years before starting to date basically and then I found out another side of him. It's hard for me to let go after I've spent so much damn time. But I realize that I have too.