Am I being silly?

[Amelia02]

I've been married for a year now and have recently had a daughter who is currently four weeks old. My husband has daughters from previous marriage. One who is 6 and 4.

 

Before the birth of my daughter, I've bought her the majority of the stuff she requires and my family too, my partner didnt buy much as he had other financial commitments to focus on, which is I was very supportive of and supported him financially towards them too. He's been somewhat lazy going to work too, but again I never said anything to him and stood by him whatever the reason was.

 

But recently I've realised he doesn't appreciate me much regardless of what I do. At times he says hurtful things to me and gets defensive when we discuss money. I never argue over money. Because he has very little left, I've been buying him new shoes, etc etc. I don't want anything in return. When it was his daughters birthday (from first marriage) he was short on money and I offered to buy her presents. Regardless of the fact that when it was my sons and daughters birthday he couldn't even buy them a birthday card and when it was my birthday (1st birthday) ever with him the money he had put away for my birthday he fulfilled another financial commitment. This upset me but I stood by the decision because I felt paying that amount off was more important than my birthday?

 

But since there can be a lack of appreciation at times, today when I ordered some clothing for our daughter from the mamas and papas website I messaged my husband and asked him that he give me the money for our daughters outfits, some were on 50% discount and others were at only 20% off. I usually wouldn't have asked my husband to pay for them as I saw it as whoever pays it's the same and I wouldn't go short had I paid, and for all theee of my children I have savings account and they won't ever go short of anything in their lives,but today I felt I need to give him a sense of responsibility rather than being More than happy in doing most of everything myself? And maybe he would appreciate me more because a person does when it doesn't come easy? He messaged me back saying that's fine and that the clothes and play mat are lovely.

 

When he returned from work he spoke to me asking me why I didn't wait for the sales and that we could have got better deals. I explained to my husband that I have had an eye on these outfits and a majority of sizes are out of stock or a few left. My husband wanted to buy his other two daughter (who don't live with them) clothes recently, though they have many outfits here and only visit every two weeks, he currently pays them maintenance which he has to do anyway and that's not the issue. And I advised him to wait till the sales for their clothes. And when my husband said this to me, it felt like he was indirectly saying, why didn't I wait for our daughters clothes in sale? And this disheartened me, first time I've asked him to pay for something, and I've never complained. He even gave £20,000 for his daughters futures, and his ex wife cheated on him too. Regardless of her cheating on him he was still with her "for the sake of kids" for a year later. But with me, I've never cheated, I look after him in every way possible and many times he wanted to leave me whilst I was pregnant. I'm not comparing or maybe I am? It just upset me which I guess is normal?

 

I spoke to my husband about the above and he said I shouldn't think negative n he didn't once say he won't pay for our daughters thing, he said I shouldn't think silly but I explained to him that's what it sounded like?

Am I overthinking? That's what it seemed like though

[Wiseman2]

As a married couple you co-own assets and money. He's also obligated to feed, clothe, house and educate Your child. It's not all about him chronically whining about his child support payment he's required to pay for his other kids.

 

Seek help from an accountant or financial planer to stop all the money and shopping and what's on sale nonsense arguments. Get some marriage counselling so that he realizes he's married to you now and is a family with you and has a child with you so he can better accept and understand his new role as well as his continued role as a father to the first two.

 

Stop messaging about online shopping etc. when one of you is at work. Discuss finances, budgets purchases for necessities in a relaxed atmosphere, not at work. Learn how to communicate effectively in general and about finances in particular..

I've been married for a year now and have recently had a daughter who is currently four weeks old. he returned from work he spoke to me asking me why I didn't wait for the sales and that we could have got better deals.

[Amelia02]

Hi there

 

Thanks for replying. I didnt message him to hound him or pester him, I was only sharing something with him such as what I've bought for our daughter. And secondly I've never complained about the maintenance he gives for his other two daughters. Had that been the case why would I fork out on their birthdays? And buy them dresses whenever an occasion arises just so they don't feel left out?

 

Only once I asked he pays and he mentioned the sale comment. I guess I've just been too nice hence no appreciation

[Amelia02]

And I agree it's all about effective communication.

 

My inlaws called the police on me when I was 7 months pregnant as they didn't want me in their house? Reason being as I called the police for their grandson because he pushed me which scared me. Reason being after marriage me and my two kids moved in with the inlaws, husbands decision, but all his family, two brothers and nephews felt threatened by me and children thinking we are taking over the house? And come to know of the fact that my husband has more in inheritance? And they would always taunt me that we live for free And one day the grandson who is my husbands newphew. He is 29 a year younger than myself and my brothers friend too!

 

He barged into the house n started swearing at me and then he pushed me and I fell to the floor, nothing happened to the baby but I was still rushed to the hospital, on my return they called the police for me as they said they want the police to escort me out of the house? I was puzzled because had they told me they don't want me back in their house on my return from hospital I wouldn't have gone back.

 

I have my own house but that's on rent so we are now currently renting. My only worry is his parents might want to see the baby, they heard the news of my daughter being born but didn't ring their son. What if my husband says they want to meet our daughter? My mums advice was not to allow them because they kicked me out whilst I was pregnant and did not protect me when I got pushed around in front of them. I feel my mums advice is best but what if this upsets my husband?

[Wiseman2]

Where do you live now? With your husband and inlaws or your mother? Why are you renting your place and living with his family for free? Sounds like a bizarre arrangement especially if you all are calling the cops on each other.

My inlaws called the police on me when I was 7 months pregnant as they didn't want me in their house? after marriage me and my two kids moved in with the inlaws, husbands decision they would always taunt me that we live for free. they said they want the police to escort me out of the house? I was puzzled because had they told me they don't want me back in their house on my return from hospital I wouldn't have gone back. I have my own house but that's on rent so we are now currently renting.