Friends to couple.

[Chantillylace]

Hope to make this short and easy to understand as possible.

 

So me and my friend have known eachother a few years now, talk occasionally and hang out every so often.

 

This past spring/summer we were both seeing people so didn't see much of one another. We both ended our relationships back in july.

 

In early October we started talking quite a bit and by mid/end of October we started meeting again but only as mates and nothing happened.

 

Then one night as his (just watching a movie). We kissed. Then without either of us saying it directly we started dating, went out a few times together like a couple, i started staying over and we had a physical relationship.

 

For the past month we have both just been rolling with it, both just enjoying eachothers company i think.

 

Yesterday however we had the where is this going talk and how we both feel about this.

 

We both came to the conclusion that we are physically attractive to one another and do fancy eachother but at the same time we still feel like friends too.

 

So we have decided to be exclusive to eachother, spend some more time together and see if it progresses into anything such as a relationship together.

 

Can friends turn into a relationship? In a way i feel like we skipped the usual getting to know you stage in dating as we knew eachother already and went straight to the comfortable with anything stage. Which i think has left us both a bit confused as to whether we should still feel like friends like we do and should there not be this excited lust stage.

 

We have both agreed to keep communication lines open and are both at the moment on the same page.

 

Is your other half supposed to feel like your best friend too is my main question?

[Batya33]

Yes, definitely but you need to communicate directly and simply about your expectations and intentions. If you are truly friends that should no be too difficult.

[Thill754]

I think being friends first makes it that much more amazing. I became best friends with my ex girlfriend Now for awhile before she finally realized that she indeed would date me, more of her friend zoning me almost in a way but finally worked out. Anyways by being friends before hand u already know this person so well, almost everything about them. You may skip over that stage but if u enjoy ur time talking and being with him, which I'm assuming u do, it's like being with your best friend but maybe a lifetime of it and that's someone u want to have, a relationship that u want to have they are probably the strongest bonds you could have. Just keep telling each other everything and wouldn't have a doubt that you'll be together for the long haul.

[James516]

The question isn't if friends can turn into a relationship, being able to relate to a partner on a physical and emotional and comfortable trust level is what many strive for but never get. The question is can you accept having a relationship with a friend which means that initial part of meeting someone new and the challenge of that is gone.

 

The first part of that answer is how many times has someone been burned and fed up with getting burned such as when The One turns out to just be Another One who is nothing like they seemed. So they start seeking something with more substance, and appreciate that, rather than get in a situation to get burned again. You don't sound to be at that point, your previous relationship ended which seems like an "oh, well."

 

The second part of that is they type of person you are. I was wondering your age which would say a lot about were you are at as far as relationships and see that you specifically listed that you like anything "wild and extreme." This friend relationship is anything but that - it sounds like a business transaction in which two people politely discuss a transaction over tea.

 

So yes, friends can have a relationship and many people want their partner to be their best friend. But most likely not yet for you. I give it 6 months max before the lack of excitement at "rolling with it" will fester too much with you and you'll move on to something new.

[Chantillylace]

The question isn't if friends can turn into a relationship, being able to relate to a partner on a physical and emotional and comfortable trust level is what many strive for but never get. The question is can you accept having a relationship with a friend which means that initial part of meeting someone new and the challenge of that is gone.

 

The first part of that answer is how many times has someone been burned and fed up with getting burned such as when The One turns out to just be Another One who is nothing like they seemed. So they start seeking something with more substance, and appreciate that, rather than get in a situation to get burned again. You don't sound to be at that point, your previous relationship ended which seems like an "oh, well."

 

The second part of that is they type of person you are. I was wondering your age which would say a lot about were you are at as far as relationships and see that you specifically listed that you like anything "wild and extreme." This friend relationship is anything but that - it sounds like a business transaction in which two people politely discuss a transaction over tea.

 

So yes, friends can have a relationship and many people want their partner to be their best friend. But most likely not yet for you. I give it 6 months max before the lack of excitement at "rolling with it" will fester too much with you and you'll move on to something new.

 

To answer the first part, yes i am tired of being burned. Tired of dating guys that state they are willing and ready to settle down only to have them state actually they only want fwb. Which is what happened with the guy i was seeing in july hence me being oh well about as its been a common theme.

 

Second part, im 24 at the end of my degree and looking to move out and live my life. Its worth mentioning that i joined this site when i was 19 and thats the last time i changed my about me bit. So to say thats outdated is an understatement.

[Batya33]

So if you are meeting men who state they want something serious, how are they showing that with their actions and over what period of time? I would think that if you go out with someone a few times and learn that he just wants a sexual arrangement -what's the big deal? Just move on. The big deal might be that you are having sex soon after meeting the person when you don't know the person well and have not seen whether his actions match his words over time

[Chantillylace]

Basically i meet them, we see each other a few months seems to be going well (going out, meeting friends and family). Then i usually get the blowing hot and cold, getting flakey on plans, then its usually up to me to ask whats going on for them to instead of maybe just saying look it's not working out etc. Come out with they now realise they aren't after anything serious. Ive slept with 2 people in my lifetime so im not jumping in and out of blokes beds.

[Batya33]

I think most of those men had genuine intentions. Often incompatibility happens after dating a few months so I wouldn't assume they lied about their initial intentions.

[Chantillylace]

Does it really matter what their intentions were now? I'm not with them now, wish them the best in future plans.

 

I just want to find someone I can spend time with and can be myself with now. I don't enjoy dating i find it stressful not fun.

[Batya33]

Does it really matter what their intentions were now? I'm not with them now, wish them the best in future plans.

 

I just want to find someone I can spend time with and can be myself with now. I don't enjoy dating i find it stressful not fun.

 

Yes, because your negativity about it can easily taint your new relationship.

 

"yes i am tired of being burned" --if you continue to have that negative/cynical mindset about men it can sabotage your openness to a new relationship. Didn't sound at all from your post that you wished them the best or were at peace with their decisions to stop dating you.

[Chantillylace]

Well im not sure what im supposed to say at this point?

 

I still see one of the guys at work we say hello and are perfectly civil. One of them is having a baby, i wished him all the best when i found out genuinely happy for him. I don't talk to all the people I've seen because I've moved on sure they have too.

 

Im tired of it not working out for me thats all.

[Batya33]

Yes, because your negativity about it can easily taint your new relationship.

 

"yes i am tired of being burned" --if you continue to have that negative/cynical mindset about men it can sabotage your openness to a new relationship. Didn't sound at all from your post that you wished them the best or were at peace with their decisions to stop dating you.

 

Well im not sure what im supposed to say at this point?

 

I still see one of the guys at work we say hello and are perfectly civil. One of them is having a baby, i wished him all the best when i found out genuinely happy for him. I don't talk to all the people I've seen because I've moved on sure they have too.

 

Im tired of it not working out for me thats all.

 

No need to say anything -you expressed negativity about the men you were involved with -you felt burned and lied to and I merely suggested based on that post (before you now say you wish them well) that you might want to resolve the negativity so you can give your new relationship the best possible chance. the only reason I was able to endure all the dating I did before marriage (24 years) was because I refused to be jaded or cynical other than very short term - I have seen your kind of attitude taint new relationships because of the level of negativity and distrust. Please feel free to completely disregard what I wrote -and I agree with you that dating is hard but if your goal is long term it's entirely worth it. IMHO.

[Chantillylace]

Im really trying my best to not bring baggage to the table unfortunately i am human and its hard to just leave it at the door.

 

I do genuinely like this guy, the fact we can be open about it where it's going is a breath of fresh air so atleast i don't have to sit there wondering.

 

Just have to go into this with an open mind.

[Batya33]

Yes, because your negativity about it can easily taint your new relationship.

 

"yes i am tired of being burned" --if you continue to have that negative/cynical mindset about men it can sabotage your openness to a new relationship. Didn't sound at all from your post that you wished them the best or were at peace with their decisions to stop dating you.

 

Im really trying my best to not bring baggage to the table unfortunately i am human and its hard to just leave it at the door.

 

I do genuinely like this guy, the fact we can be open about it where it's going is a breath of fresh air so atleast i don't have to sit there wondering.

 

Just have to go into this with an open mind.

 

Of course it is hard. Resist the temptation to dismiss doing the work with "I'm only human". We all have baggage as adults - and it's up to you as to how to react to it. I suggested that what you describe as being burned were simply "only human" people who started with genuine intentions then realized you two weren't compatible for the long term.

[Chantillylace]

Im sure they may of had good intention, its not breaking up that bothers me it's the not being honest beat around the bush approach that irritates me. Fine its not working out, just say that rather than going cold and letting it linger so i dont know whats going on.

 

Just dont like the guessing game.

[Batya33]

Yes, because your negativity about it can easily taint your new relationship.

 

"yes i am tired of being burned" --if you continue to have that negative/cynical mindset about men it can sabotage your openness to a new relationship. Didn't sound at all from your post that you wished them the best or were at peace with their decisions to stop dating you.

 

Im sure they may of had good intention, its not breaking up that bothers me it's the not being honest beat around the bush approach that irritates me. Fine its not working out, just say that rather than going cold and letting it linger so i dont know whats going on.

 

Just dont like the guessing game.

 

Yes. Those individuals may not have treated you fairly and/or you might have acted in ways that enabled it - hard to tell. My suggestion, again, is that you do whatever it takes to not let those individual experiences taint your approach to your current relationship.

 

If someone seems to be doing the slow fade, give that person twice the amount of space he seems to need- take care of you by distancing yourself. Hopefully this relationship will go smoothly. Be careful about not overreacting if he needs some space because of your past experiences

[Wiseman2]

Friends rolling into fwb is very common. Don't worry about labels, since you are exclusive.

T i started staying over and we had a physical relationship. We both came to the conclusion that we are physically attractive to one another and do fancy eachother but at the same time we still feel like friends too.

[Sportster2005]

Yes friendships can turn into relationships.

 

Your partner should be your best friend, or at the very least, one of your closest friends.

 

Don't overthink this. You've agreed to communicate. Put that into action, and good luck.