should I go for it or am I hurting myself??

[girlygal97]

hi! I have currently moved to a new city and I've lived here for about four months now. the first time i went out with some new friends I met a guy and we seemed to hit it off. a few weeks later he ended it. I was fine, but just confused and aggravated. then about a month and a half later I met up with an old friend and we dated for about a month, and he cheated then told me I "wasn't special enough for him". so again, I got over it but it stung. recently this guy who caught my attention in the workplace since the FIRST day of work asked me on a date. it went great! then we went on a date the very next day. we both left town to visit our families for thanksgiving and honestly I am very nervous. I feel so silly that I am but I really like his guy, but also I am afraid of putting myself out there again and getting dumped once again. how do I know if he actually likes me? should I pursue this or should I guard myself from potential heartbreak again? PLEASE be honest here people! I'm young and I want to date around and have fun but also I don't know if I can stand getting dumped by yet another guy I like!!

[SooSad33]

First.. this is YOUR workplace.. those are often a highly suggest No No.

Let alone.. your fears of being dumped.. what if things fail and you still have to work around him??

Can you handle that?

Re your fears of getting hurt again.... you have been in this new area 4 months and already on your 3rd attempt?

 

I suggest YOU slow things down. If you're in fear now.. show's you've had some damage done. I think you should really back off and don't get involved again for a while.... to let this fear ease off.

 

No reason to feel you should rush into relation after relation.. is there? ( do you fear being alone?)

[catfeeder]

While I wouldn't pursue anyone in a workplace, I've found some helpful ways to help me become more resilient when it comes to dating. I've considered the odds, and most people are simply NOT our match. That's just math, but it's also liberating. I think in terms of everyone carrying pieces of a puzzle and trying to match those with others' to find a fit. Well, most people do NOT fit, and that's nobody's 'fault'. So I allow wrong matches to pass early, and this frees me from trying to convert anyone into becoming a good match--that doesn't work.

 

We all have unique value. Most people will not view us through the right lense to 'see' our value, and that only speaks of their limits rather than of any deficiency in us. If we can trust the process and relax, we'll be in the right headspace for one rare person who's vision matches ours. We also won't get hung up on personalizing all the bad matches, and we won't try to latch onto them. We'll have the confidence to hold out for the right person.

 

If finding love were easy, there would be nothing special about it. I'd pipe down, focus on my career and making new friends, explore new places and interests, and I'd skip going frantic in a BF search. People can sense frenetic energy, and it wreaks of desperation. I'd skip the fast pace of leapfrogging from guy to guy, and I'd trust that the right match and I will recognize one another someday. Uhm...but not if I'm wasting my focus on all the wrong guys.

 

Head high.

[ShatteredMan]

I've been tempted to have relationships within the office but never took the opportunity. I did have a fling with a coworker a few years ago when we were travelling consultants. It would have never worked out due an age difference and that she was based out of Berlin and I work in North America primarily.

 

It hurt a little when we parted ways, but I jumped into another relationship with someone else as soon as the project we were working on was over.

 

I would say stay away from dating coworkers. I've seen both massive failure and success but there is such a high risk and resounding effects down the road, it isn't a choice I would make again.