Falling for a friend

[LockerBunny]

Hi guys I need some advice. I'm not usually one who falls for people very easily.. for the past 4 years I've been in love with one guy that I could never be with as he was in an arranged engagement. I held on to him for a long time hoping he would break it off but he's finally gone to get married and I've had to give up.

 

Now, I have another friend who's been pretty much my best friend for about 2 years and while I didn't have any romantic feelings for him when my other friend was around I'm now starting to I think fall for him.. and it's so weird to me because I've always just seen him as a friend. I don't know what to do about it now. I don't think he feels the same way about me. I think he did in the past but he gave up when he saw how in love I was with my other friend. Earlier this year we started casually hooking up and he said to me that he doesn't want any feelings to get involved. And I guess that's a clear sign that he wouldn't want anything more than friendship.. I really don't know if I should say anything because I don't want to ruin our friendship and make things weird.. I don't even really know if I am starting to fall for him or if I just want someone close again but he's been my friend for so long and I feel like it could just work really well

[ShatteredMan]

Walk away. Nothing hurts more than when you fall in love with a friend and then the relationship crashes.

 

I made this mistake myself and I never want to go through the pain of losing both a friend and a lover at the same time. Nothing hurts worse than when they move on with someone else , regardless of its arranged or not.

 

Cut these feelings off before they have a chance to grow anymore. I know this sounds harsh and uncaring but trust me, do it now.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like you are latching on to this friend as a reaction to your disappointment about the other guy's arranged marriage.

 

Are you also from the same culture and having an arranged marriage?

 

This friend clearly stated all he can offer is fwb, if you are ok with that. Why have you not considered dating apps to meet and date men who are both available and interested?

he's finally gone to get married and I've had to give up. I didn't have any romantic feelings for him when my other friend was around I'm now starting to I think fall for him. Earlier this year we started casually hooking up and he said to me that he doesn't want any feelings to get involved.

[Ms Darcy]

Hooking up with someone is a good way to catch feelings for them.

 

Just so you know.

[smackie9]

Before this gets way too out of hand, just tell him. You are going to lose him eventually if you do nothing.........

[girlygal97]

at this point you have to ask yourself if admitting your feelings worth possibly losing the friendship. if you cannot see yourself without him romantically, tell him about your feelings. but if having him in your life at all, even if that is as a friend, is more important I would suggest stop hooking up and walk away from the romantic feelings

[LockerBunny]

Thanks guys for the advice! Still not too sure what I'm going to do.. I really don't want to lose my friendship so I think I will keep it to myself and see if he changes his mind at all about me, but i think i should definitely stop hooking up with him or it'll make things worse

 

I definitely don't have a culture where I would get an arranged marriage which is why this friend would be so much better for me than the last guy I fell for, our backgrounds are quite similar. But, I guess if he doesn't feel that way I'll just have to let it go.. Thanks a lot again though guys it was very helpful!