Jump to content

Has my Partner fallen out of love with me?


Recommended Posts

So I'm 23, my partner 31. We have been together for almost 4 years. We have a 9 month old son.

Just over the last month I got really sick and was in hospital for a couple of weeks. I was diagnosed with MS. I was also told I have quite a large cyst in my brain that I will need to have surgery for, which I have been waitlisted for over the next 30 days. My MS treatment can't start until I have the surgery on my cyst because they are taking brain fluid out to test the severity of my MS. So we are in limbo right now, and it's awful not knowing.

Last night I couldn't sleep, it was 11:30pm at night and I was becoming really emotional thinking about everything that's going on right now. I got up and went to my partners room (he snores like a tractor so is temporarily sleeping in there until he gets it fixed), and I just cried, sobbed really, needed a hug and some support. He couldn't stay awake for longer then a minute at a time, after 5 minutes of me talking with little response I asked him for a cuddle which he gave me and fell back to sleep. I elbowed him gently a few times and he woke up again for maybe a few seconds, I told him look I just need some support right now I can't stop thinking about everything. He continued to sleep and fart. I made a comment about it 'I feel like your ass is responding to me more then you'. Didn't go down well, he got up and went to the toilet, came back and yelled at me, so I left.

This morning he said sorry, but then he kept saying things like 'you can't expect me to stay awake when the lights are off and I'm laying down'. I said my initial reaction would be 'look your upset, what can I do? What do you need?'. Give me a damn cuddle and wake up. Is it that hard to show some compassion and love when I'm going through such a hard time. He said he's been really tired and has had a big week and that I expect too much from him.

He's left, don't know where he's gone. Am I expecting too much? Does it sound like he doesn't love me enough to care?

Link to comment

Honestly I've had times where I literally was convinced there was a criminal in my house and I still fell back to sleep. Some people just sleep really hard. No it doesn't sound like he's falling out of love wth you. I can imagine how scared and stressed you are now. Try not to add any more onto that.

Link to comment

Sorry to hear this. Sometimes it's best to wait until you have someone's full attention to discuss serious matters like what's going on with your health.



This isn't about loves you or not it's about the right timing for communication. Hope all the tests go well for you.

he snores like a tractor so is temporarily sleeping in there until he gets it fixed. I asked him for a cuddle which he gave me and fell back to sleep. He continued to sleep and fart.
Link to comment

Just a guess but I am wondering if you are concerned your medical issues are going to chase him away? In the title of your post, you are questioning his love for you. If it was just one night you didn't get the comfort you needed from him, I doubt you would be jumping to this conclusion. There must be more too it. I wish you well, and I hope your health issues turn out to be not too severe.

Link to comment

My heart goes out to you. Given all that you're up against, I wouldn't create any more problems that don't need to exist. Some people are heavy sleepers and cannot pull themselves out of it on request. I'd take that at face value and avoid treating my partner as an adversary. He may not always 'be there' for you in every way you'd wish, but I'd ignore his shortcomings and credit him instead whenever he demo's that he's doing the best he can.


Encouragement is the best way to inspire more of what you want to see, and this will strengthen your bonds while you need them the most. The opposite also applies--criticism and accusations are the perfect way to alienate someone and drive love away.


Choose wisely.

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

So, so sorry to hear about your health issues; you must be going through hell right now - especially not knowing what the prognosis is. Wishing you all the very best with this.


Regarding your partner... there's nothing in your post to suggest that he's falling out of love with you. I would guess that he's unable to cope with the enormous implications of what may be in store for you, and is shutting it out - dealing with the situation by blanking it. This is nothing to do with his feelings for you, but more his inability to confront his own feelings about the situation. Many men get apparently angry in situations where the appropriate reaction would be fear or sadness, because they've been brought up to believe that these emotions are wrong.


In a general sense, the kind of support you're hoping for is completely appropriate and understandable - but right now he doesn't have the resources to give it. Is there a support group you can access, where there will be others who will understand what you're going through, where you can really share your feelings? If so, it could be that he would benefit from attending it as well as you. Do not read anything into his failure to respond to you in the way you'd hoped for; he's doing his best, given who he is.


The last thing you need right now are problems in your relationship, so please don't get angry with him when he can't fulfil your needs. It just sounds as though he can't cope and doesn't understand, rather than that he doesn't care.

Link to comment

I'm sorry for what you are going through, but you are expecting too much. It's important for most people who are going through the type of thing you are to have a range of supports. He is likely very stressed as well. Was he taking care of your baby while you were in hospital? Whilst he is older than you, he is still a young person as well.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...