My girlfriend keeps talking about her ex

[TheCoffeeNut]

My girlfriend has been talking about her ex a lot since we started dating. Her last relationship last 1 year and 9 months, so I understand that she would have a hard time letting go, but she brings him up at some bad times. If I talk about how I love her, or give her quotes about it, she will get sad and think about her ex (Matt). The other day, we were at her house making out, and after we stopped, she said something about Matt... She told me she has no more feelings for him, and she is trying to let go of the memories, but she doesn't seem to be trying very hard. How should I deal with this situation? I don't want to lose her.

[Longview01]

Hate to break it to you but she isn't over her ex and you are most likely a rebound

[MissCanuck]

OP, you can't "lose" her, because her heart isn't with you in the first place. It's with her ex.

 

I would not continue your relationship. She needs time to heal, and to get over him.

[Ms Darcy]

You are a total rebound buddy.

[kathy679]

How long ago did she split from Matt?

If it's less than a year then maybe you should give her more space to get over him as she's clearly not.

[greta96]

Unfortunately this means she is not over her ex, and is probably using you as a distraction to try and move on. She may not even be doing it intentionally, but that doesn't make things any better.

You may want to tell her you would like to end this here for now, until she has had a chance to process her breakup and really get over him, and when she truly feels ready to date again and give her heart completely she can contact you at that point and if you're still available, you may start over.

 

Right now there is no point trying to work on this, because she is not all in.

[ShatteredMan]

You are a total rebound buddy.

Yup. Start dating other women. By staying with her now, you are setting yourself up to be a backup or second option for her ex or the next guy.

 

Do not take her out for any reason at this point. If she asks why you're not taking her out, invite her to your place for dinner only and tell her to bring the wine. Grill/bake something cheap and easy like chicken or fish with some vegetables, thereby keeping your expenditure low (because you're going to invest your money into your next first date that is emotionally available!)

 

If she declines, then tell her to let you know when "she's available to come over for dinner" and then do not contact her until she wants to do this. If she acquiesces to your request and does this a few more times, then resume dating.

 

In the meantime, start firing up the dating profiles, organize your buddies to go out on Friday and Saturday nights (unless she is coming over with wine) and get your game back in check. Get numbers but do not hook up. Make dates but do not sleep with them until you formally break things off with her.

 

She is emotionally cheating in her mind by reminiscing about this guy, in the same way she would be if she were flirting with a new guy via texting. Do not tolerate this behavior.

 

Just remember: We only get what we are willing to accept in life.

 

Never settle for being second place in someone's heart or mind when you're putting them in first place.

[katrina1980]

How long ago did she split from Matt?

If it's less than a year then maybe you should give her more space to get over him as she's clearly not.

 

Why is it on *him* to give her space? Is her life his responsibility?

 

No, she needs to own the fact she is not over her ex and give herself space.

 

In fact, since she is obviously not over her ex, she has no business embarking on a relationship in the first place. Casual dating, okay. For fun and to get out.

 

But not pretending be into a man (OP) and getting into relationship with him.

 

That is misleading and not fair.

 

OP, you need to give YOURSELF space.

 

She is not over her ex and you are her fall back.

 

Sorry.