Is this normal

[Capttrae]

This is the first time in a long time I've stayed single for more than a couple months. I did it once in high school after my first gf bc I was more interested in chasing fish and smoking pot. Did it for a couple years after my divorce bc well I was more interested in chasing fish and smoking pot than I was dealing with a woman. But for the last 9-10 years I've pretty much kept a gf or at least some kind of female company around for when I'm off the boat. But right now I just don't even come close to caring about a relationship. I've been on a couple dates here and there very short dates as in meet for lunch have a beer quick kiss goodbye then go about my business. I've even got a date when I get off the boat in a few weeks and I'm just like yea ok cool whatever. I don't think it's not having female company that bothers me, I think it's the attitude I have about it. Don't really care one way or the other. I even saw a girl on POF, her profile was awesome loves to fish, hunt, go muddin, drives a big jacked up 4x4 like mine looks good in camo and I was just like umm nah don't want to fool with it. Just wonder if this is strange

[SooSad33]

Nah, i think it's just a stage in YOUR Life. And it's okay! My brother went 8 yrs single.. til he found his wife.

 

Somtimes, some people just keep reaching out because of a 'need'.

 

I am similar to you right now too. I don't 'need' anyone and would rather be on my own. I find it, in ways fullfilling. I dont have to rush to clean.. to get ready for dates, etc.

 

Being in a relationship, etc takes time... and effort. So many are NOT even ready for that. But they still jump... into something. Which can often mis-lead the other person.

 

I will not get myself involved again, I feel, for a good while yet. I am fine, as I am.

 

No need to rush... I KNOW I am not ready for anyone, at this time in my Life.

[LadyAbbey31]

I think some people might jump to the conclusion that you're depressed. And maybe you are, in which case that might explain your apathy/lack of motivation in finding someone

 

OR.....it might just be that we are constantly surrounded by pressure to be in a relationship. We're surrounded by married people and annoying romantic comedies and both make us feel like we SHOULD want something. I definitely know how it feels to be single and to lack the interest in finding someone. And they were good, fun years. "What in the hell is wrong with being on my own?" I would ask myself. "Why does my life have to head in any one direction? Why can't I just keep my life the way it is, or carve out a life for myself that has nothing to do with 'settling down?" Nothing, if you ask me.

 

So I'm wondering if you are surrounding yourself with too many things (or people) that are either overtly or passive aggressively pressuring you to not be single. Personally, my friends and family are 99% married with children. Obviously I am not going to cut myself off from good friends and family. But I needed to stop listening to the voices that tell me I should want something I didn't, or to be anything other than myself. I think you need to block out any outside pressure that make you feel bad for not having a girlfriend or wife, and just listen to yourself.

 

Do you really want to find someone? Then try. You aren't really trying.

Do you want to stay by yourself for now (or forever)? Then do it. Cancel your dating profile and fulfill yourself in other ways. There are so many other ways.

 

Good luck

[melancholy123]

I think you are enjoying your life the way it is so adding in a new gf is not on your To Do list now. Dont worry about it, continue doing what you enjoy and maybe one day down the road you'll see things differently and start looking for someone to share your life with. You dont sound depressed to me, you sound like you are in a stage of life where you do things on your own terms.

[RainyCoast]

i don't think you're depressed either. just...metabolizing in peace. frankly Cap, it was about time. with the ladies, you seemed...i dunno. not happy. take your time.

 

yes, it's absolutely normal.

[Capttrae]

I think it's the whole taking a break thing plus I've got so much goin on with mom and trying to be 3 places and maintain some semblance of normalcy in all 3 that adding anything else to the mix just wouldn't work. I think I'm just tired, tired of trying to be something for everyone. Don't get me wrong I don't mind the responsibility of taking care of Mom while I'm off, that's what kids are for, to take care of parents when they get feeble. Idk I guess sometimes going to sleep at night it would be nice to have a female type laying beside me. But for now when I'm off I'm good with having Coal dog laying beside me at night. Maybe when the situation with mom is settled and I can actually spend 7-8 days in one place may try to reevaluate the situation, or not. Idk

[RainyCoast]

yes, that sounds like a reasonable interpretation and plan. i more than halfway wished i was single when my mother was ill. she's the one person you'll spend your efforts on now, the rest of it you need for yourself.

 

it's good you don't feel like bending to please people. every once in a while you have to reevaluate who you are doing things for.

 

is Coal a black lab? i think you posted his pics once? i have one too, they're awesome. sleeps next to me also.

 

you're okay Cap. you probably haven't been setting your own pace and living your own way for quite a while, so it's not surprising you doubt yourself now, but you sound true to yourself and collected.

[Capttrae]

Yep he's a black lab.

[BeenThereB4]

If you have a black lab, then you have everything! Lol. There is nothing wrong with enjoying being free and unenumbered. I used to always be in relationships until I reached a point in my life where I just focused on getting my life where I wanted it. It was a great time and I got to know and enjoy my own company.

 

The fact that you can find someone attractive but not feel the need to pursue it is a good thing. Take care of yourself. Take care of your Mom. Take care of Coal. Appreciate and love the life you have been given.

 

Incidentally, when I was living my life in the same way, I ended meeting my husband. For the first time in my life, I was ready to put the time and effort into a relationship without any regrets or second thoughts because I knew that I had done right by myself first.

[Batya33]

I think it is more than fine because you're simply taking care of you and being honest and genuine. Obviously you should always take care of you even if you decide to date but I like how natural you are about this -don't succumb to "pressure" to date!

[Wiseman2]

Message her...why avoid this dream girl? Afraid you'll catch feelings too soon?

I even saw a girl on POF, her profile was awesome loves to fish, hunt, go muddin, drives a big jacked up 4x4 like mine looks good in camo and I was just like umm nah don't want to fool with it.

]

[Capttrae]

Message her...why avoid this dream girl? Afraid you'll catch feelings too soon?

]

 

No desire to date anyone or even put forth the effort required to start a conversation

[Sportster2005]

We spend our time doing on our priorities. No mystery. No abnormal.

[catfeeder]

Naahh, not strange at all. A natural stage of life. The merry go round will still be there spinning any time you want to get back on the thing.

 

Head high, and enjoy Mom and Lab.