Once a cheater always a cheater?

[Melodymelody]

Hi friends!

 

I don't have a boyfriend, this is more a question about my friend and I am also curious to know.

 

Two months ago my friend started to date a guy that broke up with his previous girlfriend because he constatly cheated on her. We all know this because we have the same group of friends.

 

My friend doesn't know if she can trust him.

 

My question is: if a guy always cheated on his previous girlfriend, will he cheat on the next one too? Or does it have to do with not being a "match" or committed?

 

Thanks!

[RainyCoast]

it has to do with lack of values, fairness and accountabiliy. they don't just grow those like sprouting an extra branch for a person who is "good enough".

[Hollyj]

If he had any integrity, he would have ended it with the ex gf, before cheating.

 

It didn't happen once, but multiple times. I wouldn't date this guy. Huge red flag! Why would your gf take the chance???

[Melodymelody]

If he had any integrity, he would have ended it with the ex gf, before cheating.

 

It didn't happen once, but multiple times. I wouldn't date this guy. Huge red flag! Why would your gf take the chance???

 

I don't know, she's crazy about him! She says they might just be words and we don't know for sure. She wants to sent his ex girlfriend an annomyous message on fb asking her why they really broke up. I think that's a bad idea since she doesn't know his ex girlfriend personally she probably wont respond or tell the truth.

[jjkk]

It sounds like there's no use in contacting his ex because you have the same group of friends and everyone knows he cheated on her repeatedly. I don't believe that once a cheater always a cheater but in this case I would bet lots of money that this guy WILL cheat again and I wouldn't trust him. He's a repeat offender. Like the others said this is a lack of integrity and values on his part and that won't change anytime soon and probably never. Your friend will find out the hard way.

[RainyCoast]

it would be creating a lot of drama.

 

she either trusts her boyfriend and chooses to disregard rumors, or she doesn't and she can dump him.

 

confronting the other girl to extort information is inappropriate and if she believed her boyfriend, she'd not resort to other sources.

 

i don't think you can text anonimously on fb, and creating a fake profile to bother a girl about her ex is in the craycray territory.

[Melodymelody]

She knows he cheated we all do, she just doesn't want to believe it.

 

She thinks she will be his "exception".

[RainyCoast]

then let her learn her own way.

[Snny]

Two months ago my friend started to date a guy that broke up with his previous girlfriend because he constatly cheated on her. We all know this because we have the same group of friends.

 

My friend doesn't know if she can trust him.

Then why is she dating him? You can't have a relationship if there is no trust.

 

She wants to sent his ex girlfriend an annomyous message on fb asking her why they really broke up. I think that's a bad idea since she doesn't know his ex girlfriend personally she probably wont respond or tell the truth.

Baaaaaaaad idea. She's just asking for drama at this point. It's super awkward to get in touch with a former lover just to dig up dirt.

 

Your friend shouldn't date this man if she can't trust him.

 

 

Here's my advice to you, OP: stay completely out of their relationship drama. Don't be a meddler. Don't complain about him. If you get involved you may lose a friendship out of it. Your friend is an adult and has to figure it out for herself.

[JaggerJim]

Hi friends!

 

I don't have a boyfriend, this is more a question about my friend and I am also curious to know.

 

Two months ago my friend started to date a guy that broke up with his previous girlfriend because he constatly cheated on her. We all know this because we have the same group of friends.

 

My friend doesn't know if she can trust him.

 

My question is: if a guy always cheated on his previous girlfriend, will he cheat on the next one too? Or does it have to do with not being a "match" or committed?

 

Thanks!

 

It has a lot to do with your friend being gullible.

[jennydanielle7]

Personally, I would tell your friend to not risk her heart. Been there, done that. Unfortunately, the saying is quite true, "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

 

And lets say he doesn't cheat, your friend will always have that insecurity and doubt in the back of her mind because she is constantly fearing that he will cheat eventually, I mean is it even worth it? She can do so much better than that.

[mustlovedogs]

Let's be honest. Will any of these opinions change her mind? If she knows he's a cheater and she's seeking outside advice, it's because she wants someone to tell her to go for it.

[Melodymelody]

Then why is she dating him? You can't have a relationship if there is no trust.

 

 

Baaaaaaaad idea. She's just asking for drama at this point. It's super awkward to get in touch with a former lover just to dig up dirt.

 

Your friend shouldn't date this man if she can't trust him.

 

 

Here's my advice to you, OP: stay completely out of their relationship drama. Don't be a meddler. Don't complain about him. If you get involved you may lose a friendship out of it. Your friend is an adult and has to figure it out for herself.

 

I have already told her what I think and what she should do. If I keep on getting involved he will turn her against me.

 

I am just wondering can a man that once cheated change? Can he ever learn his lesson?

[jennydanielle7]

I have already told her what I think and what she should do. If I keep on getting involved he will turn her against me.

 

I am just wondering can a man that once cheated change? Can he ever learn his lesson?

 

He could, but its rare. I hate being a total Debbie downer and I'm usually one for positive advice; but I gotta be realistic. Serial cheaters will continue their sleazy habits. No matter how beautiful, sweet, smart, and caring the girl is; a serial cheater will always cheat no matter who they date. The guy didn't cheat once, he cheated multiple times. That's enough to tell you that this guy is a walking red flag.

 

Honestly, if your friend doesn't end up listening to you and still ends up with the guy; then no offense to being a total harsh jerk, but it is going to be all on her and eventually she will have to find out the hard way that he was scum all along. You did what you had to do, and if she didn't listen; well at least you tried.

[bunzana]

I have already told her what I think and what she should do. If I keep on getting involved he will turn her against me.

 

I am just wondering can a man that once cheated change? Can he ever learn his lesson?

 

It's possible... but he may learn that lesson at the expense of your friends feelings.

 

He didn't have any consequences from the first relationship. He cheated, and HE dumped HER. So either she did not know, or she put up with his cheating. Where would the lesson be here? He got away with it once, and thinks he probably will again.

[Melodymelody]

It's possible... but he may learn that lesson at the expense of your friends feelings.

 

He didn't have any consequences from the first relationship. He cheated, and HE dumped HER. So either she did not know, or she put up with his cheating. Where would the lesson be here? He got away with it once, and thinks he probably will again.

 

No I think SHE (his ex) dumped him. After being fed up with his cheating, at least that's what I heard. That's why I'm hoping he learned his lesson. I probably didn't write this correctly but his ex broke up with him.

[JaggerJim]

Who Cares!!! It's your friend's fault if she won't listen.

[bunzana]

Your friend knew he was cheating on his ex, as did everyone else, and she still chose to date him. This is as good as condoning his behaviour, and saying she is ok with dating a cheater.

[RainyCoast]

why not just stay out of this altogether. you've advised her. the rest is up to her.

[Melodymelody]

why not just stay out of this altogether. you've advised her. the rest is up to her.

 

That's what I will be doing from now on.

I just wanted to know if someone like that can ever learn his lesson and change since his ex dumped him and I heard he even tried to get her back but couldn't.

 

Thank you all for your thoughts I read them all!

[Snny]

I just wanted to know if someone like that can ever learn his lesson and change since his ex dumped him and I heard he even tried to get her back but couldn't.

Every person is different. Either way it's none of your business. You seem very invested on what is happening inside your friend's relationship.

[RainyCoast]

is your real concern that she is so infatuated with him that you will lose her to him?

 

if so, then pressuring her about his poor character and her gullibility will only make her run to him and shove you to an outsider position sooner.

 

accept her choices. understand she is hungry to believe she will be important to him. let her learn, and when she does, resist the urge to tell her you told her so.

[Melodymelody]

is your real concern that she is so infatuated with him that you will lose her to him?

 

if so, then pressuring her about his poor character and her gullibility will only make her run to him and shove you to an outsider position sooner.

 

accept her choices. understand she is hungry to believe she will be important to him. let her learn, and when she does, resist the urge to tell her you told her so.

 

My concern is her happiness.

 

I'm fine with her being with him since she wants to so badly and loves him, I'm just wondering if a person like that can ever change and learn from his mistakes.

 

I will no longer try to get in her business I already said all that I had to.

 

I can only hope he is a changed man..

 

She will either be happy with him if he changes of figure out herself that he wasn't worth her time. But either way we will continue being friends...

 

She's the one that gets me talking always saying she doesn't know if she can trust him and bringing up the sending a message to his ex idea. I told her not to do that.