Feeling manipulated by my ex

[bebe19]

I recently dated a guy from work that I kept rejecting. He's security so every time I go in the building I have to see him. He kept telling me he had feelings for me & how I would not give him a chance bc of my past relationships. He made me feel guilty and pulled me in to open up and feel for him. But then he'd accuse me of making time for everyone but him. So I made more time for him then he'd push back and say I was getting to close & he needed time to process that I've changed for the better bc he still believed I'd walk away. So I was like whatever. I had lunch with a guy friend in the building and when he saw him he got defensive and threatened me that he didn't want to see my friend in the building then he ended it and twisted everything on me. I tried apologizing and making it work to the point I felt like I was a crazy psycho girl texting and calling him non stop. I felt low. He sent me a text that I was untrustworthy. So when I stopped trying he followed me up the elevator and I kicked him off my floor bc I found out he was bothering my girlfriend who is my colleague and was trying to hit on her. After I kicked him off the floor he blew up my phone swearing and searched my colleague in the system. I ignored it but found out if I responded or not he blocked my number as he says. So I felt scared but for some reason hurt and still liking him. So a few days later I approached him to try to settle it peacefully since we work in the same building and I have been calling and texting and he is giving me this don't communicate with me anymore and now I feel low and like I'm a crazy girl. But every time I come into work or go through the lobby as I return from where I coming from to go to the elevators he's standing with the same girl as if he calls her down so I can see him w her. I just want my respect dignity and pride back again bc he's twisted it on me as if I won't leave him alone bc I can't move on from him.

[RainyCoast]

whoa, girl, this is your workplace you're talking about.

 

you need to stop this asap and pretend he doesn't exist and if he blows up your phone or harassess or threatens you or your lunchbuddies you'll have to report it and that may turn into a very uncomfortable hassle in it's own right.

 

i would pretend nothing ever happened and i dunno who he is and pass him as i would a statue to prevent having to explain an embarrassing story to the HR should he go psycho.

[bebe19]

@rainycoast thank you for your advice. He's twisted on me I've sent him so many texts but even after all that I feel like I went too far and don't know how to take it all back. I feel like I'm the crazy one now and that he can turn it on me that I wouldn't leave him alone. So I'm scared. I just want this to end and I want my respect dignity and pride back. He's taken it all away.

[Hollyj]

Wow! This guy is crazy time!

 

Controlling, manipulative and insecure. Bad news!

 

Just ignore this creep!!!! If he continues with any harassment, report him to HR.

[RainyCoast]

yes, just stop all contact now to prevent a smear campaign. as long as he has other girls to bother with, even if it is just intended to frustrate you, you'll get less of his direct anger. in the process, he will twist other girls too and then when one or two or three chicks have had an unpleasant experience with him it'll be more difficult for him to smear you all.

 

so just sit back and wait.

 

work on your assertiveness and your boundaries, talk to someone to establish self-respect and give yourself time. leave this idiot alone and don't internalize his behavior.

 

how did he know about your past relationships? there's a certain easy victim persona he spotted, so if you have need for empathic self-disclosure find a nice support group or conselor to talk to and keep all private experiences outside the workplace.

 

i would bet he's done this with half the women in the building though.

 

when you stop contacting him he will sooner or later probably send a menacing text or email. if he can't use the call function or annoy you verbally in person he'll have to do in writing. if he does, save it, in case you need it.

[bebe19]

I'm divorced from 13 years of a prearranged cultural abusive marriage and finally got out of it 4 years ago. He assumed Unless he asked a friend of mine and they told him I was in a bad relationship but since 4 years ago I have never been in any relationships and focusing on work and my kids. I like to take care of myself for me and look good for work meetings and me. Lots of guys in the building know me and see that I give no eye for nothing more than work. This guy hears his colleagues talk about my curves my body and someone told him she's a diva. He got mad and insecure since then. He cont to tell me he doesn't want to compete. If you have her than appreciate her and let them know she's yours & they prob won't talk about me again. But instead he blamed me for it & assumed I'm a cheat and with every colleague I walk with

[RainyCoast]

oh wow he's frustated. look gorgeous, let him make a fool of himself. apparently, your workplace can tell when an ape feels emasculated.

 

you're a catch, you're finally at a place in life you deserve, his ego took a hit. head high.

[SooSad33]

Feeling manipulated by my ex - You are!

 

But instead he blamed me for it & assumed I'm a cheat and with every colleague I walk with

 

 

he's an idiot.. a total control freak. Avoid him at all costs... he is toxic!

[bebe19]

Thanks everyone! I'm staying away