My EX GF despises me and i dont know why!

[annonymous1012]

Hey. Ill try and make this short.

 

Me and my ex was dating for one year and six months. We shared so much together lost our viginity together, went on holiday abroad together etc etc. We did a lot of things for the first time with eachother. . (She is 18 and i am 20) Everything was great, perfect, magical! We hardly ever argued. We saw eachother near enough everyday and by 4 months in i lost my social life and dropped all my hobbies to spend more time with her.(at the time i didn't notice i did this) and as time went on and on about a month and a bit before we broke up. Sex stopped, kissing stopped all of the romantic things you do as a couple stopped. We still saw eachother everyday but we never kissed but we did cuddle.

She was going to uni this September and i was worried she'd meet someone new and want to leave her "old life" behind inculding me. She broke up with me for like 4 hours a month before she moved to uni but i met up with her and she said she regretted what she has done and said and we got back togehter. We still wasnt kissing or having sex. She finally goes to uni. Two days at uni and i feel like something is really bad. I text her and ask her are we okay? she replied no and I called her straight away and she ended up breaking up with me on the phone. We didnt do no contact for about a week but then she went cold turkey. but i didnt i kept on texting her being needy. She replied that I am making her resent me so I started no contact about 2 weeks after the break up. My last text to her was letting her know where i stand. That i still want to be friends and I'll always be here.

 

2 months pass... I am feeling better there are days when I think about her a lot and get myself down but i was improving. Until i found out she has been getting of with many different boys at uni and is now in relationship with another guy. This all happend days after the break up.

 

Going back to not having sex for the last month. I asked her why we was open like that and she told me it was stress because she was moving out and moving to uni. I later find out that when she thought of having sex with me it made her replused and then she realised it was because she deeply loathed me. (that's exactly what she said)Why would she think that about me? I never did any weird stuff and i always made her orgasm etc i always made sure she was happy after sex. I want your opion on this situation. Why would she loathe me?

 

It's been nearly 3 months and she now it feels like day 1 all over again. I feel stick to my stomach. What i feel like would make me happy is knowing she didn't dislike me but that she thought good things about me and that be that.

 

MEH

[nutbrownhare]

Nobody else can tell you why she feels the way she does, and brooding about it will only hurt you even more.

 

The best way to get past this is to be strict with your no-contact - and that includes finding out about what she's up to from other people. Who knows what's really happening? Maybe she got off with a lot of different guys, maybe it was a piece of gossip which grew in the telling. Either way, finding out about her will only pull the scabs off your own healing... and I think you can safely say that the relationship's over for good.

 

Stop torturing yourself with the whimsical thoughts of a silly little girl, concentrate on your own healing, and move on.

[Andrina]

It's because you made her the center of your universe, and that's smothering. Seeing each other everyday is too much. Learn from your mistakes. When you get a new gf, keep up with hobbies and doing stuff with your guy friends. People with their own fulfilling lives are a lot more appealing than one who makes their partner the sole reason for their happiness. It's all about a healthy balance. Stop checking on what's going on in her life. It prevents closure. Your future lies elsewhere.

[Wiseman2]

Wow sorry to hear that it sounds like a rather extreme comment. To be honest is seems more like she went off to uni and doesn't want to be tied down. So it doesn't sound like it's about how she feels about you. Did you argue a lot recently?

I later find out that when she thought of having sex with me it made her replused and then she realised it was because she deeply loathed me. (that's exactly what she said)

[annonymous1012]

Thank you Its so true I am pulling the scabs off my own healing. This is what i needed to hear!

[annonymous1012]

SO TRUE OMG! I smoothered her way to much! My next relationship I will learn to keep my hobbies Thank you i appreciate your time

[annonymous1012]

Yeah when I heard that it hurt. Yeah near the end of our relationship we started to argue about stupid things, like if we was chilling in bed and i was shaking my leg we'd argue over that.. I kinda always thought that. I was her first boyfriend and she doesn't want to be tied down yet she wants to see what else it out there.

[Onderoo]

The reason why she stopped all of the things she did is because you stopped doing the things that made her attracted to you in the first place and focused all of your attention on her.

 

As selfish as this sounds. The counter intuitive thing you need to do is to continue pursuing your goals and hobbies and make that your no.1 priority at all times. This is what keeps girls around. They will complain and create drama to get you to focus more of your attention on them. But don't listen to it. It's a test to see if they can side track you and get you off course. They want someone who can't be strayed no matter what. This is what builds trust and makes them feel safe.

 

With all of this being said. Consider the fact that you're both still very young with her starting Uni. So of course she weighed up being committed to you or enjoying the single life in Uni. The reality is mate, she simply wants to experience messing around with guys. One of my exes who was 18 at the time split up with me near enough the same time as she was about to enter Uni. So it is pretty predictable. Even if you tried working things out, there would have been a high probability that she would have cheated on you eventually.

 

You could have had an easier time with her if you were both in your mid-late twenties when she was edging closer to her biological clock. Girls around this age group tend to start thinking about wanting to settle and take things seriously. This should hopefully help you see things more clearly and to feel better about not ever taking her back if she ever does come back. She will have had her fill of bad boys (who she's really attracted to and can't get them to commit), give up, only to come back to you as a security blanket. Don't give her that privilege.

 

So try not to blame it all on yourself. Take this as a lesson learned and move on. In future, don't ever stop what you're doing with your life. It will be tempting but don't do it. Most important of all. Don't commit to any of the girls your age and younger. It very rarely ever works. Just have fun and play the field.

[annonymous1012]

Thank you for your time mate I totally see it now! I dropped everything for her! Which she fell in "love" with me for who I was and what I was doing at the time when we met.

What you're saying makes so much sense!! I appreicate it mate!