How to Respond

[Mmmc228]

Hi all. I was wondering, what is a polite way to respond to your ex during NC? I have a feeling that mine may wish me a happy thanksgiving or text me around the holidays. I want to keep up with NC but I feel like ignoring the text would be perceived as rude and may ruin my chances in the future for reconciliation.. although I do NOT want to hold a convo at all. It'll hurt to much. Thanks in advance xx

[JaggerJim]

Your not meant to respond.

[RainyCoast]

i'm not trying to split hairs but it's not no contact if you wish happy thanksgiving or reply.

 

haven't followed the break up, but if there's substantial grounds for reconciliation i don't see why not replying to a courtesy text when you clearly need time to reflect and aren't talking anyway would ruin the chances for it.

[RainyCoast]

oh. i just read it. drinking, picking fights, unwarranted insecurity, attempts to stay sober and counseling. i'm so sorry. i think you know to expect the reply that it'd be best to not hope for reconciliation at the moment. if you really can't hep responding, just text back thank you, happy thanksgiving to you as well and leave it at that

 

are you still in counseling? how is it going? hoping you have a support group too.

 

would you consider posting on here instead of replying to him if he texts you? some posters do it to get through the crisis.

[boltnrun]

Why are you worrying about how to respond to a text that hasn't even happened yet?

 

He might not even text you.

 

My mom used to tell me not to borrow trouble. You can expend a lot of energy worrying about what might happen. Don't. It's a waste.

[journeynow]

I understand how being strict with no contact feels rude. But you don't have to answer in order to improve your chances for a future reconciliation. (Maintaining NC is no more "rude" than breaking up. It's not about manners, it's about what is needed.) In considering "How to Respond" think about your internal reaction, should he text you. Feelings may be triggered and you'll want to respond to those, choose something for you to do for yourself in order to manage those feelings. Make yourself a list of activities or thoughts or tools to choose from, as needed.

[Mmmc228]

oh. i just read it. drinking, picking fights, unwarranted insecurity, attempts to stay sober and counseling. i'm so sorry. i think you know to expect the reply that it'd be best to not hope for reconciliation at the moment. if you really can't hep responding, just text back thank you, happy thanksgiving to you as well and leave it at that

 

are you still in counseling? how is it going? hoping you have a support group too.

 

would you consider posting on here instead of replying to him if he texts you? some posters do it to get through the crisis.

 

Hi there! Thanks for updating yourself on my story and for the response.

 

Yes, I am still in counseling and I have my follow-up in a week or so. Hopefully we make some more progress.

 

I've been posting on one of the NC threads whenever I'm tempted to text him... it's very difficult, but I haven't broken yet.

 

You're right, it's definitely not the time for reconciliation now. But why does it hurt so bad that he doesn't want to make things work? Is it just my bruised ego?

 

The thought of him being with someone else kills me. Thankfully NC keeps me from never knowing I'm currently thankful that we don't go to the same school

[Mmmc228]

Hey all, he never reached out. Which isn't surprising, since I told him to not contact me when he officially broke things off.

 

I haven't texted him and I'm not going to, even though it hurts. He doesn't deserve to have any aspect of me anymore.

 

I started this thread because of my over-thinking and JUST IN CASE. But I see that it's so trivial now.

[journeynow]

Hey all, he never reached out. Which isn't surprising, since I told him to not contact me when he officially broke things off.

 

I haven't texted him and I'm not going to, even though it hurts. He doesn't deserve to have any aspect of me anymore.

 

I started this thread because of my over-thinking and JUST IN CASE. But I see that it's so trivial now.

 

Ah, it's a process. I found I had to extend NC to my thinking. It was a mental thing for me. The thoughts would pop up will nilly and I'd get caught up, perhaps like you, playing out possibilities or wondering how I might do this or that. I found my way out of that pattern by "breaking up" with those thoughts. A thought would pop up and I'd think "Leave me alone" or "No contact, please" or "This is my world, go away" or something like that. It was a stepping stone to get me to a clearer head space,.