Need advice on what to do. Weird/crazy experience

[arb262]

Date my ex for around 2 1/2 years. Great relationship in beginning. 2 weeks after being official, she went to Europe for 1 month. Once she got back, she accused me of cheating on her with a girl my best friend was talking to. Guy friend of hers said it happened. A few months go by and things were good. Then fights started happening. I would go to her place at night, and stay the night or during the day. She rarely would come to mine, especially late at night. I cannot quite remember what started first huge fight, but it ended up with me calling her college saying she was on drugs. They called her to drug test her. She refused to go, and hired a lawyer so she had time to clean system and take test. Did not speak for a month or two. Then out of the blue she calls and things start to rekindle. She is hiding me from her friends and family. Time goes on, I think it will get better, but stays the same. She then moves about 30-75 minutes away(depends on traffic). Throughout the entire process of her hiding me, I take her to nice restaurants, buy her gifts, have spa days with her, anything a good bf would do. We are not friends on Facebook, Instagram, and eventually not even snapchat. She gets upset when I want to post pictures of us(I am thinking she is cheating entire time). We break up, and get back together constantly. She asked me one day if she got fat in Europe bc she gained about 40 lbs while there from all the beer and food, and never lost it. I told her no, but said he did get bigger. Now constantly in fights she says I think she is fat. One night I'm with my fraternity and her at semi-formal. Everyone is taking a group picture, and I ask her to join. She says no. I take the picture and tell her we need to go. HUGE fight. I'm furiously yelling at her, saying how she made me look, how she made me feel, and how she is driving me nuts. I say some hurtful and horrible things I can't take back. She has anxiety, depression, add. I call her a fat, unattractive, socially awkward, drug addicted, . She ends up tearing my suit badly on the pants pocket halfway down, and the shirt from chest to waist. I say that he makes her issues, that all her ex's weren't the problem. Her problem with her ex's is how ing crazy she is. Yet she only takes her medication when she wants. She will pop 4 or 5 Clonazepam at once to numb out, or tons of vyvanse when she needs to get stuff done. Not just 1 or 2, but 6 a day of the highest dosage. By the end of the fight we are done. I chug multiple bottles of wine, scarf down an entire bottle of her vyvanse she had given me prior, and cut my arm from wrist to halfway to elbow. There were about 4 deep lacerations, and about 15 not so deep. The deep ones went about 1/2" - 3/4" deep. They were 1/4" x 3 or 4 ". It was a brand new, top of the line steak knife. Quick motions allowed it to slice through arm like butter. By the end of the night, a friend had came by and saw me to rush me to the hospital. I had already started losing movement in my fingers, wrist, arm. My head was knodding from not being able to hold it up. The following day, I went to spend 10 days in mental hospital. Fought the doctors on taking medication for a few days. Final decided to try it. To my amazement, it worked. I have had Bipolar, Anxiety, and Depression. That explained my need to drink so often. Why I had my mood swings. She went up to the hospital 3/4 of the way through my time. We wrote 100 facts about ourselves to share, expressed everything, and tried to move forward. A few weeks went by, and she wanted me to go back home for Christmas. I said yes, and took a flight across the state to be with her. She was late for everything we had planned bc she was with her friends. She called me drunkenly lecturing and saying how I don't love her. She continued to hide me from friends and family. After I had flown by myself to see her, while I still had stitches in my arm. We broke up, and I thought it was the end. No idea how we got back together. Then the fighting continued. She would always want to do what she wanted. She continued to hide me from her friends and family. She never came to see me. I went to see her 3 times a week, and sometimes stayed half the week at once with her. I lived 30-70 minutes away and had a dog to care for. I would have a friend care for my dog. I used to take him, but she complained about him being hyper and shedding. This all continued for another year. Break ups, getting back together. She would have a Tinder and a Bumble. She said it was to boost her self-esteem. She lied when she said she took it down. I caught her in lies about it. Anytime we fought, she would talk to someone on it. We had a huge arguement where I left to cool down. I come back, and she locked me out. I had $10,000 CASH on her counter in a bank envelope to pay for vehicle repairs the following day. After she refused to give me it or let me in, I broke the door down and took my cash. Cops came, and arrested me. They didn't believe me until booking. Then they saw the money. By then, they had already entered me in everything and I was stuck there. I didn't speak to her for a while. Then she calls me. Back together. Who woulda known. After time, we fought over the same thing. Her hiding me, lying to me, not coming to see me, yelling at me. Yes I did a horrific thing, but 2 years of torture when she said she forgave me. I then took her on a 7 day cruise. We had a blast. Night before last, we slowly argued. The final night, we fought bc she had lied about her guy friends. She had slept with all of her close ones, and lost her virginity to one of them. She refused to meet any of my ex's I was friends with, talked crap about them, got pissed when I talked to them, made comments about them. I wasn't furious with the guy friends thing. Yes I was, but I didn't want to express it since I knew it would cause an argument. What set me off was I told her I wanted to go dancing with her on the boat. She went with me, we got all dressed up, and then within 10 minutes says she wanted a burger and to meet her in the restaurant. I go ape . She packs her bags and leaves as if she is gone. I lock the door, and try to go to bed. She then comes back and acts like a snooty spoiled brat. Next day I made a comment about her buying her own flight back just to piss her off, and she did. I had already bought her flight and gave her the ticket. She wasted her parents money to buy a last minute flight that was 2 hours before original one I had already purchased. No refunds allowed either. Break up, and that is that. I planned on moving out of state, and pushed back bc of her career. She gets job where I am moving to, and then somehow moves in 1 week before me, IN MY BUILDING. I cancel my lease due to that, and she calls me and ends up flipping on me after a few days of being normal. She then calls me weeks later when she is rolling at a concert. She tells me to go pick her up. Im 3 states over so I stay on phone. Try to talk her down, be sweet, on and on. My friends say to stop, but I don't. She constantly is hanging up and then we get back on the phone. At the end of the night, she just hangs up and doesnt answer. No calls, no texts, nothing. Finally she says about 2 hours later, she is safe and she loves me. Try to talk the next day, and she doesnt answer. Then finally texts and said previous night was a mistake and sorry. She wouldn't explain or anything. I become enfurious. I am blowing up her phone with texts and calls. I threaten to call the hospital she works at to drug test her, to send her dad porn we made, anything and everything. Once I display her Nurse's License #, she calls. She's being hateful, then sad, then hateful. No talking or anything besides her and her selfishness. She hops over and changes her number and files a restraining order. On the restraining order, 90% of what she put is lies which I can prove with texts, recorded phone calls, recorded audio and videos, and emails. They don't serve me the papers. The guy she hired to serve me left them at my parents house, and said that the judge said that was good enough and to consider it being served. He told my old stepdad that, and to tell me. My mom sends pictures of what she put on it. I call the court to find out who served me, if it was valid, and how to get served. They did not kow who delivered papers, only the ex would know. It was NOT valid by any means, it was a ploy to trick me. I would have to get in contact with the ex to ask her for someone to serve me. I had sent emails, messages, and what not where she had responded but never with info. Then radio silence. The court date keeps getting a continuance. The ONLY WAY to get it continued is for her to phyiscally be there and personally request it. The court does not do it. This has been going on for 4 months now. She goes every 2 weeks to continue it. I must be served papers for me to have it settled. I cannot get served unless she has me served. She is refusing to have me served. It is a temporary restraining order by the way. I have stated to her via email, that I would file for he lying on the restraining order if she wouldn't have me served. Also purgery would be filed if the judge was in her favor. What do I do? Why is she doing this? How do I get her to stop? What is going through her head? I am thinking of sending letters to her at parents, her place, and her jobs stating everything. Then filing charges if nothing progresses. I am trying to have this end. What is seriously going through her mind???

[Edmund Exley]

Step 1 - the first time anyone accuses you of cheating when you haven't. Curb them immediately. They have issues that you want no part of.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately sounds like a toxic abusive mess. Sorry but you sound violent, abusive and vindictive. And she's not much better.

 

She was smart to get a restraining order against you and have you arrested for breaking into her house. Go no contact and block her. Get a good lawyer and psychiatrist and get off drugs.

me calling her college saying she was on drugs. We break up, and get back together constantly. I come back, and she locked me out.I broke the door down and took my cash. Cops came, and arrested me. I threaten to call the hospital she works at to drug test her, to send her dad porn we made, anything and everything. She hops over and changes her number and files a restraining order. The court date keeps getting a continuance.It is a temporary restraining order by the way.

[mustlovedogs]

Oooph. I couldn't read everything.

 

You both do terrible things. You need to walk away now and do some introspection. I agree with Wiseman. You have some personal issues to work through before approaching any future relationships.

[kathy679]

These guys have already given the same advice I was going to give. So I agree with them. Work on your issues and get some perspective

[SooSad33]

We break up, and get back together constantly

- This is unhealthy.

 

Your whole encounter with her was unhealthy! Toxic relationship.

 

Best way to deal with it.... walk away.. keep walking. No contact.. ever. People like this bring you down... so low.

 

And YOU....

>> I threaten to call the hospital she works at to drug test her, to send her dad porn we made, anything and everything.

Stop with the mind games & threats! You already know she is not stable!

 

Get away and stay away. whollay... mess.

[Edmund Exley]

We break up, and get back together constantly

- This is unhealthy.

 

Your whole encounter with her was unhealthy! Toxic relationship.

 

Best way to deal with it.... walk away.. keep walking. No contact.. ever. People like this bring you down... so low.

 

And YOU....

>> I threaten to call the hospital she works at to drug test her, to send her dad porn we made, anything and everything.

Stop with the mind games & threats! You already know she is not stable!

 

Get away and stay away. whollay... mess.

 

To add to this, get away, stay away, and grow up a little.

[SooSad33]

Dont know how old you two are.. and this **** has been going on for over 2 yrs? Good gawd.

 

Usually within time, someone will come to realize when someone is toxic.. and get out of it?

 

But.. to let it carry on, for this long? Maybe it's experience? I am over 40 and realized someone wasn't 'stable' and fought myself out of it within 2 months.

 

Get help.

[bunzana]

Are you currently on meds for your bipolar/depression/anxiety? If not, you should be. And if you are, they are clearly not working and are not the right fit for your mental disorders. She clearly triggers these, and you bring out the worst in each other. See a psychiatrist if you are not already, and cut contact with her. This will not end well for either of you.

[arb262]

All ties are cut. All communication is gone. I want nothing with her as I do know she hits the triggers. I am looking for insight on how to get her to give me the papers I need to be served so I can go and end everything for good. She keeps going and getting a continuance. Court stated I needed to be served to appear, but they could not serve me only she could. As far as the door goes... I offered to pay for it, I did not lay a finger on her. I might seem crazy for wanting my $10,000 back but I guess I am.

[Wiseman2]

A process server or similar serves them, not her. She can have the restraining order continued until she makes it permanent, which she should.

 

Just stay away altogether rather than try to figure out when the temporary order of protection is expired so you can go harass her without immediately being arrested.

 

Also playing the "I was never served" game as a defense for going near her to break in and "get your cash" will simply lead to more problems. Now you can add breaking and entering as well as a misdemeanor or felony restraining order violation to the rap sheet you already have.

 

GET A LAWYER AND A PSYCHIATRIST

 

If it's your money you'll have to take her to small claims court to get it or have a sheriff or cop escort you to get it. Nobody leaves that much cash in an envelope at their gf's for "car repairs". The cops will suspect it's drug money.

 

As you are aware, all transactions over $9,999 are reported to the FTC and IRS, even bank withdrawals, deposits and money orders, etc..

I am looking for insight on how to get her to give me the papers I need to be served. so I can go and end everything for good. She keeps going and getting a continuance. I might seem crazy for wanting my $10,000 back but I guess I am.