I was devastated, but now I thank him for leaving me

[jmb]

For close to 5 months I have been reading the posts on this site. This is the first time I have created a thread of my own and this is my semi-breif diatribe...

 

To my ex boyfriend who dumped me...Thank you! Thank you a thousand times. For months your decision to leave me destroyed me, it left me debilitated and completely insecure. I finally came to love myself for the first time in my life. I took the destruction you gave me and I built a life with it. I stopped looking out for everyone else in my life who took from me and I began to give to myself again. I was married at 22, a mother at 27, and took the roll of my husbands housewife, nanny, housekeeper, therapist, punching bag, cook, cleaning lady and everything else in between. When I was divorced and I met you I immediately fell right into that roll again, not because you asked me too, but because that was my comfort zone. You allowed me to do it. I tool care of you, leaving myself behind once again. Did I see this at the time? No, not at all. And when you left me, I was once again left wondering where my place in this world was. Well, I found it. I found me. I would have continued to cater to you and what you needed, and continued to stuff my own wants and desires because that was what I thought was the right way to be a good woman. Well, no,not anymore. I have quickly build a career, I take care of myself, I am beautiful inside and out. I am smart, funny, kind, generous, loving and loyal. And yes forgiving. I forgive you, and I am so thankful that you walked out of my life and hitting that rock bottom gave me the drive and confidence to make my life the best it could be for me and my little girl who you also left. I have never been happier and I am single and alone. I finally know what I need and what I deserve. I love you and I will always. You made me laugh and I felt alive with you, until I felt dead. Had we continued to stay together I would have stayed on the path of the caretaker and the doormat. I am finally thankful for you ending us...because I am now me.

 

To all those who are struggling with a breakup...focus on you. I read over and over on theses forums and I thought it was bull...its not. Keep no contact and work on you. Find the person you are alone, work your ass off, be with your friends and family, date, read, prey, smile and laugh. If someone walks out of your life trust in the powers above and know that it is the best thing for you. I still have my moments of sadness, the holidays are going to be tough with the memories. But I am building MY life with my beautiful daughter and we are going to be just fine. Hugs and kisses to all who are struggling...I was there and I am telling you it gets better, I don't really want him back any longer and that is so cathartic.

 

(yes we have spoken in the duration of our break up, we have seen each other a few times and each time it is much easier to walk away with my head held high, I have never asked him to come back and neither has he) By the way I will not send him that little story, it was just me getting it off my chest, he doesn't need to know how well I am doing, it is not about him...it is about me

[tyler876]

Your words are very inspiring thank you for sharing your story

[vikki140]

I liked reading this thank you.... I dont know where to start in terms of focusing on me. Everything I have done for the last year as been about my ex who i loved so so much. Im not coping well at all, I miss him every day

[greta96]

Very nice post!

You know, that specific moment in time when one realizes that the breakup was in fact a blessing, and not the tragedy they thought it was, is cathartic, it has to be one of the most liberating feelings in the world! When you really open your eyes, take him off the pedestal and see him for exactly who he is, and wonder "what in the world was I thinking by being with such a person?". In some cases it comes soon after a breakup, in others it takes a very long time, but when you get to the point of truly realizing how lucky you were that an ex broke up with you, it's like a weight is lifted off your shoulders. That's when you can put that old relationship to rest and truly move on.

[KantSleep]

Thanks for sharing. Keep the positive momentum rolling. Happy Thanksgiving.

[jmb]

I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing. I know exactly how it feels, and truthfully it was just one day at a time for me for many long months. I would have days where I could hardly get out of bed, days where I felt a lot better then the pain would start again. It was flipping exhausting. I was honestly so tired of myself, I was tired of allowing a person who did not want me in their life anymore to continue to infiltrate mine. I still miss him as well, but I can't mess my life up because of someone who left me. I mean when I look at what I was doing by holding on to a hope that he would eventually want me back, I was giving him all my power. Why the heck would I want someone who doesn't want me?? When I turned the thought process around was when I began to feel thankful for the loss. He will forever have a part in my story and I am glad we had our chapter but it is closed now and I will keep writing...

It is ok to sit in your grief, but try to see the blessing in how your story unfolds, you will heal if you don't sit in the grief forever.

Hang in there and do something for you.

[rtyu4567]

Thank you!!!

[RainyCoast]

THIS is growth.

 

THIS is individuation.

 

THIS is YOU.

 

congradulations, and respect to you.

 

i love these rare posts. please keep talking and share with the posters who are still afraid to be themselves, by themselves.

 

best of luck to you and your kids. you know you deserved it.