Need Some Advice

[gloryofgreece]

I met a cute Asian-American girl online. First date/meet up was pretty good. Second date was also good; I got to kiss her but I didn't kiss her very well as I made it funny rather than romantic. We cuddled a little bit in my place but I was rather clumsy and awkward to get any further. We made plans for third date. In the mean time, I saw she was still active on the dating site that we met daily. I know we are not committed but it kinda bothered me.

 

Third date was last weekend. I made dinner for her. I made a move to kiss her and she gave me the cheek or back away. After a listless movie, she was going back to her place, I tried to kiss her. She again turned the cheek (she saw it a mile away) and said "you are supposed to say something before you do this. So I know what you are thinking." I was too frustrated to try to figure out what she was trying to say.

 

I got needy and asked her to call me when she gets home. During the chat, i told her how I feel about her. I told her I stopped looking else where, and just acted like a total beta. She said she needs to know more about me before she commits. We agree to continue to get to know each other before hanging up.

 

I got insecure and txt her to ask her to be more exclusive while we meet each other. She has not replied to my text since. I guess I really ruined it this time. What should I do?

[SherrySher]

You totally ruined it? How? You were upfront with her, you showed her how you feel and tried to get close to her...the bottom line is, she is not ready to commit to you and is not into being physical with you.

A third date and still no proper kiss or her initiating seems fairly straight forward on the fact that she is not as into this as you are.

She obviously wants to still keep her options open and is on the fence whether she even finds you that attractive or not.

Now the ball is in your court, you either accept how it is and still carry on not knowing if it will even go anywhere, while she only has you as another option, or you tell her you feel that it's not going how you would like it to, and move on.

Me personally, if I tried to kiss someone more than once and they turned away, I would pick up my pride and walk on. I mean, come on...she doesn't even want to kiss you.

[musicman777]

Just forget about this dumb girl. She doesn't want to kiss you, I been through the same bullcrap before where a woman was totally not into touching or anything. I mean, if you are going on dates with someone, you should expect there to be some physical contact and eventually kissing. She's not meeting you half way, a sign she's either not into you or she's got issues. Move on.

[gloryofgreece]

She let me kiss her on the second date and we held hands/cuddle. But I guess on the third date, she was not feeling it or something. She came to my house twice. Anyways, what should I do moving forward? Send her a text to apolozie for my previous text. Wait a while, then ask her out again? She is online constantly. THe thing with women online right after a nice date really bugs me a bit. What do you think, guys?

[SherrySher]

I wouldn't bother. She isn't showing you much interest (turns away from you about the kissing, doesn't initiate) and is more than likely dating more than just you.

It sounds as though she's playing games and is only stringing you along at this point.

[Wiseman2]

Are you exclusive after 3 dates? It sounds like you are trying to move way too fast with the netflix and chill agenda and she's turned off and therefore still looking.

 

Keep dating others and back off her for now. Try taking women out on real dates being a gentleman at first and then worry about netfix and chill at your place once things are more established and the women are a bit more comfortable.

 

You are overdoing the PUA agenda and it's backfiring and women will dump guys they perceive as "wolves after one thing". Her cue was "I'd like to get to know you first" so at least she taught you a valuable lesson on how to pace yourself.

I saw she was still active on the dating site.I made a move to kiss her and she gave me the cheek or back away. After a listless movie, she was going back to her place

[katrina1980]

What should you do you ask?

 

Learn from this, and next time don't be so pushy, take her out on a proper date and try hard to contain your anxieties and insecurities.

 

Just cause you feel insecure, that does not mean you act on it by pushing for exclusivity after 2-3 dates and acting needy. Major turn off.

 

Learn to relax and to read a woman's signals, don't over-think or react impulsively. Try to exercise at least a modicum of self-control, it will serve you well going forward.

 

This girl is DONE. Sorry

 

Just learn from it.

[bonobology]

It might be possible that she couldn't feel secure with you as you have said that you said all about you to her and she didn't like something from you. Or she is stuck in some other problems and couldn't reply you. All possibilities are there but the bottom line is that you should try untill and unless she said you Yes or No.

[lostandhurt]

Yes you were trying to hard and pushing for more than the situation allowed.

 

Learn to read signals from women.

Don't have them over to your house to soon. It looks like you are to cheap to take them out and also looks like you will be hoping for sex.

Don't be needy.

Don't talk about being exclusive on date number 3 unless you can see she is thinking the same thing and is really into you.

Don't share to much to soon. That is a sure fire way to scare someone off. You only went out 3 times!!!

Don't text women important things you should talk about in person.

Don't expect women to be on the same page as you and be willing to take their profile down after seeing you 2 or 3 times. They have a lot of men to choose from on dating sites so the fact that she responded and went out with you should have been enough for you to feel like she liked you enough to keep seeing you.

 

What should you do now? The holiday is coming up so send her a text wishing her a Happy Thanksgiving and if you don't get a reply you are done. If she reciprocates then wait 3 or 4 days and call her and ask her out to dinner at a real restaurant.

 

What ever you do don't send her more texts apologizing, explaining or expressing how much you like her. That would just be more nails in the coffin at this point.

 

You can learn some valuable lessons here and I hope you do...

 

Lost

[JaggerJim]

It's not a total loss yet. Leave the ball in her court and see what happens. If you do take her out on another date, announce your moves.

 

1. "I'm coming in for the kiss!" that should be enough for her to know your coming in for the kiss.

 

Little things like that should help on the next date.

[Wiseman2]

Print lostandhurt's post out and tape it to the fridge.

[Pretzel]

I feel like this is all way too intense from you after only 3 dates. I personally need to be thoroughly 'wooed' before i can feel comfortable at a guy's place, or making out and being intimate, and it takes a good amount of time to do that. Of course it's not a good sign that she's active on the dating apps, i wouldn't like that if i discovered that about someone i met online and liked a lot too, but it is very early days and you both have to just give each other a chance for the time being without overthinking things. Allow things to develop naturally a bit before asking for exclusivity especially in a text message.

[tattoobunnie]

So your 2nd and 3rd date involved being at your place. That translates as you're only after bedding her. And you are. Sheesh - Slow your roll.

 

Try to actually get to know her - like in public, restaurants, dancing, walking at the park, museums, cooking classes - sorry, you shouldn't be aiming to lock her down after 3 dates. Go have some fun.

[gloryofgreece]

Yeah I know. The ball is in her court. I really like this girl. She is definitely girlfriend material but anyways, i hope all is not lost yet.

[SherrySher]

Are you both younger or older?

[Ms Darcy]

I met a cute Asian-American girl online. First date/meet up was pretty good. Second date was also good; I got to kiss her but I didn't kiss her very well as I made it funny rather than romantic. We cuddled a little bit in my place but I was rather clumsy and awkward to get any further. We made plans for third date. In the mean time, I saw she was still active on the dating site that we met daily. I know we are not committed but it kinda bothered me.

 

Third date was last weekend. I made dinner for her. I made a move to kiss her and she gave me the cheek or back away. After a listless movie, she was going back to her place, I tried to kiss her. She again turned the cheek (she saw it a mile away) and said "you are supposed to say something before you do this. So I know what you are thinking." I was too frustrated to try to figure out what she was trying to say.

 

I got needy and asked her to call me when she gets home. During the chat, i told her how I feel about her. I told her I stopped looking else where, and just acted like a total beta. She said she needs to know more about me before she commits. We agree to continue to get to know each other before hanging up.

 

I got insecure and txt her to ask her to be more exclusive while we meet each other. She has not replied to my text since. I guess I really ruined it this time. What should I do?

 

You are way too over-invested. Annoyed she's on a dating site after 2 dates? And the kiss was a major fail; she sounded turned off.

 

I doubt you still have a shot.

[gloryofgreece]

we are both mid thirties.

[Capricorn3]

I got insecure and txt her to ask her to be more exclusive while we meet each other. She has not replied to my text since. I guess I really ruined it this time. What should I do?

Do nothing. She knows how you feel. The ball is in her court now and IF she is still interested, she will contact you. I won't hold my breath though as you were too smothering/overbearing which may have put her off.

[gloryofgreece]

she just told her met someone else that she likes better. So there was nothing that i could have done. Her body language told me she met someone.

-Rob

[Sportster2005]

I don't know if you ruined it. You made a few missteps.

 

Maybe this will help. If you move in for a kiss, and she gives you the cheek, don't panic. It doesn't mean she's not interested, it means at that moment she's not comfortable enough for a kiss. Don't immediately try again. Back off. It might seem counterintuitive but when a woman backs off a bit, you should try less, not more. Don't overplay interest.

 

And don't get fixated on the idea of beta and alpha males. Confidence is good, but we're not apes or wolves.

[gloryofgreece]

She wrote me a thoughtful message about her met someone. She tried to minimize my feelings being hurt. I know I am not supposed to love someone that early in the courtship, but I did. There is always competition and in the end, I just lost. That is all I can say.

 

Of course there were missteps, and I could have handle it better. I thin by the 3rd date, she has already decided who she will chose. There was nothing that I could have really done. She was evasive with her eyes and her body language told me she was shut off.

 

Perhaps I should have always kept on my heart in check and just be indifferent. It was so hard. During the second date, she was so nice and sweet during our cuddling and making out. I never felt this way for some long, and believe me I have gone through quite a few women.

 

In the end, I am okay. It was the price I have to pay for the dating game I guess, and the price I pay for losing. I am not trying to be bitter but I really can't.

 

Dont worry I wont stalk her or send her a nasty message. You gotta be a gentleman in the end. THis is gonna be a hard thanksgiving for sure.

[lostandhurt]

At least she cared enough to send you a message right? Most of the time they just ghost you.

 

In a few weeks you will feel much better.

 

Dating is not for the thin skinned or faint of heart. Next time try and keep your feet on the ground and keep reminding yourself it has only been 3 dates.

 

Lost

[Ms Darcy]

She wrote me a thoughtful message about her met someone. She tried to minimize my feelings being hurt. I know I am not supposed to love someone that early in the courtship, but I did. There is always competition and in the end, I just lost. That is all I can say.

 

Of course there were missteps, and I could have handle it better. I thin by the 3rd date, she has already decided who she will chose. There was nothing that I could have really done. She was evasive with her eyes and her body language told me she was shut off.

 

You loved her? That's not good buddy.

 

Of course you didn't love her but the fact you are saying that is really something you should think about.