HELP on Restarting the healing process

[Chorichori]

I posted recently about my emotionally abusive ex contacting me for my birthday and saying the most vile things to me. It shattered me. I felt so low that I instantly fell back and ran to him.

And the cycle started again. Him being nice then lashing out and blocking me the next. until yesterday he said to leave because he was 'experiencing' things and connecting with other people and that I could never give him what he wanted.

 

So I'm back to square one of feeling the hopeless pain. I started therapy to solve why I keep going but i only see her once a week.

 

I am hurting again. I wanted to know some advice on how to deal with the pain since all so fresh. How does one stop their kind from wandering? I keep thinking of him with other women and it stings. How do you stop the urge from contacting your ex? I find it hard to fit in going out because of tight finances and busy schedule. Can I get past the pain alone without going out with friends?

[jennydanielle7]

I'm glad that you are going to therapy. And yes, you can go past the pain alone without any friends. Although it wouldn't hurt to at least calling your best friend or closest family member and let the pain out. Sometimes you need a person or two to help you get through a tough break-up.

 

For one, stop putting so much mental energy on somebody who never treated you fairly; you are basically just sabotaging and preventing yourself from healing. From what I can see, you stem with a huge insecurity and attachment issues. Did you have a rough childhood or a bad previous relationship? Those little small issues lead to a great chunk on why you keep returning back to him, even though he is a toxic person. You believe that you either don't deserve any better and you are afraid of being alone, or you keep believing for some reason that he is the only person that will accept you.

 

Trust me, you will find better and there are millions of wonderful men out there. Fix and love yourself first; otherwise, you will just repeat another cycle with someone as bad as your ex or even worse.

 

And, it doesn't matter if he is talking to other women or not, concentrate on yourself. It is much better that he is out of your life! I know you mentioned that you have a busy schedule and tight finances, well go hiking and enjoy the outdoors. Volunteer on a day you are available, or go to a gym! Although you will have to pay a monthly membership. Anything is better than putting all your concentration on a person who was not worth it.

 

It really just depends on how much you want to get over him and heal. A lot of the time, break-ups are a time of reflection and a new start to something better.

[Chorichori]

I'm glad that you are going to therapy. And yes, you can go past the pain alone without any friends. Although it wouldn't hurt to at least calling your best friend or closest family member and let the pain out. Sometimes you need a person or two to help you get through a tough break-up.

 

For one, stop putting so much mental energy on somebody who never treated you fairly; you are basically just sabotaging and preventing yourself from healing. From what I can see, you stem with a huge insecurity and attachment issues. Did you have a rough childhood or a bad previous relationship? Those little small issues lead to a great chunk on why you keep returning back to him, even though he is a toxic person. You believe that you either don't deserve any better and you are afraid of being alone, or you keep believing for some reason that he is the only person that will accept you.

 

Trust me, you will find better and there are millions of wonderful men out there. Fix and love yourself first; otherwise, you will just repeat another cycle with someone as bad as your ex or even worse.

 

And, it doesn't matter if he is talking to other women or not, concentrate on yourself. It is much better that he is out of your life! I know you mentioned that you have a busy schedule and tight finances, well go hiking and enjoy the outdoors. Volunteer on a day you are available, or go to a gym! Although you will have to pay a monthly membership. Anything is better than putting all your concentration on a person who was not worth it.

 

It really just depends on how much you want to get over him and heal. A lot of the time, break-ups are a time of reflection and a new start to something better.

 

Thank you

Yes I agree that I may have done if the issues you mentioned. I have my few friends that I speak to but I can't constantly keep bothering them about my pain. They cannot be there all the time.

Do you really suggest that adding any activity would help me? Even something as simple as the gym?

[jennydanielle7]

Thank you

Yes I agree that I may have done if the issues you mentioned. I have my few friends that I speak to but I can't constantly keep bothering them about my pain. They cannot be there all the time.

Do you really suggest that adding any activity would help me? Even something as simple as the gym?

 

Yes! Usually the gym is great for letting out all the stress and tension you held throughout the whole day, and also you can take out all your anger through cardio or weightlifting. I know once I broke-up with my ex, I immediately started going to the gym and it helped tremendously with the healing process. Not only it helps with letting out your anger and tension, but you will look and feel great too. Win-win!

 

If you can't afford to go to the gym, then just bike or run around your neighborhood or town. Anything physical is better than a couch potato! I know a couple of weights in certain stores such as five pounds or so won't put in a dent in your wallet. It's like 6 bucks in Walmart!

 

I strongly believe that working-out is one of the main anecdotes to healing a broken heart.

[Ms Darcy]

I think you need to go through the pain. It seems like when you felt pain, you ran back to him instead of dealing with it. I'd suggest giving yourself the space to mourn and trying to see your therapist more often if you can.

[IAmFCA]

Yes x1,000.

 

Walk to the pain. Answer "How did i get here?" Identify areas where you were in control, where your choices of actions or thoughts contributed to the result. What did you learn?

Peace is accessed through the door of pain.

I think you need to go through the pain. It seems like when you felt pain, you ran back to him instead of dealing with it. I'd suggest giving yourself the space to mourn and trying to see your therapist more often if you can.

[Chorichori]

I think you need to go through the pain. It seems like when you felt pain, you ran back to him instead of dealing with it. I'd suggest giving yourself the space to mourn and trying to see your therapist more often if you can.

 

I agree. I run from the pain and whenever I feel it I contact him. This is spot on.