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I'm broken and in shock.


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I finished up with my boyfriend of ten years in September. We were arguing all summer. He was out drinking too much, ignoring me with his hangovers and ringing me apologising, standing me up for plans and ignoring tough issues I was facing. This immature behavioural cycle went on for weeks, and eventually we broke up. I moved out of our rented apartment and back to my mother's house. He moved back to his family home. We still spoke everyday as we were trying to rekindle and work things out. He was begging me to forgive him and told me I was the love of his life and his soulmate and he could not even look at another girl. He ensured me he wanted to fix this and would do anything to mend our issues. We were slowly heading back to uniting. Early October, he went off on a holiday with two friends, and we were due to meet for dinner the day after he returned. I know his two friends, they are lovely boys.He never contacted me when he got home. I rang and text for days and heard nothing. I was worried. A week later he text me apologising saying he had lost the run of himself and he stayed with his pals who he had gone on holiday with and continued partying for a few days. I broke down, upset that he had not stuck to his word and had not considered our plans. I ignored him for a few days. He messaged me constantly, saying he wanted to marry me, have children and rebuild our life together. I was too mad to contact him. Two days later a friend of mine spotted him in a bar with a girl. I messaged him asking who she was. He said a friend of a friend who he bumped into. I went on a planned trip away with my own friends, he begged me to meet him before I went away for a week, but I was too upset... and when I came home I was again told he was seen with this same girl. He protested it was innocent and he loved me. I told him to get out of my life.

Now a month later, he has made this girl his girlfriend, has told her he loves her and has introduced her to his family. He has had play dates with her niece and his sister's daughter, has met all her friends and spends every night with her. He is bringing her to a family wedding next week.I rang him asking what the hell has happened and he said he still loves me and understands how difficult working things out would be. I am in complete shock. My heart is broken and I can not function, eat or sleep. How has he been able to move on so quickly, and so seriously? How has he been able to treat this girl so maturely and all I got was the drunk boyfriend?

He messaged me a few days ago asking me to please meet up with him, and yesterday telling me he was still so attracted to me. I don not understand.

I can't even look at another man, let alone consider a date. My body is numb. I am broken and there is just constant noise in my head.

Could somebody please share their opinion of this with me. I need closure. How is he so serious so fast?

I have deleted my FB account as I can't see his face or have any reminders of him.


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This guy sounds like a total a**hole. I wouldn't even reply to him at all. I would just block him and return whatever things you have of him to make it finalized. Sorry to say but I don't think he was ever serious about his feelings with you in the last couple of months. The fact that he continuously ignored your feelings, lied to you about that girl being his friend, stood you up many times, and led you on screams a man who was not mature and committed for a long-term relationship.


Also ten years? I would've thought he would put a ring on it before hitting the ten year mark. That's another sign that he wasn't looking for anything too serious.


Stop calling and replying back to him, block his number, stick to NC, return whatever things you have of his by UPS or whatever mail carrier; and move on. Unfortunately you don't see the person's real mask until the end of a relationship. You dodged a bullet! It will hurt for awhile, but nothing beats the feeling of total relief when you realize that you are much better off without the toxic person in your life.

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Yep... he's still on his best behaviour with this girl. It won't be long before he's up to his old tricks again. In fact, he's already started...


So far, he's introduced her to his family, told her he loves her an' all that, whilst behind her back he's still trying to hook up with you. Just leave them to it; she'll find out what he's like, soon enough.


Go completely NC, use the period of being in shock/numbness to get out and about, grieve from the relationship and get on with your life. Whilst you were tied up playing games with this silly little boy, you had no opportunity to develop a relationship with someone more appropriate. For the time being, just concentrate on your own healing.

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