Am I missing something?

[citricacid]

I have been seeing this gentleman for the last month or so (maybe 4 weeks). We have been going on about 2-3 dates a week. Everything has been going swimmingly. We are in the same career field, so we chat a lot about work, we spend our free time doing the same types of activities, we have similar values, and we have great chemistry. He consistently has let me know he thinks I'm great, that he really likes me, and that he has a lot of fun with me.

We went out on Wednesday and had a lovely dinner. He then invited me over to watch football on Thursday, and again, we had a great night. Thursday night we made tentative weekend plans. Saturday rolls around and I don't hear from him, so I send him a text message asking how his day was and if we still have plans. I didn't hear from him on Saturday. On Sunday, I assumed he would contact me, since we always watch football together. At 11:30 pm, he texts me saying "we can do something this week if you want." No acknowledgement that he ignored me all weekend, and no explanation or apology.

Is he not interested? Should I ask for an explanation or just drop him?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this perplexing weekend. Are you exclusive? Is he recently out of a relationship?

 

Has he gone incommunicado this long before or blown off plans? See what happens with this weeks dates and if he offers an explanation.

 

This soon into dating he may not feel it's an assumed regular thing, since it's not a relationship yet. Tentative plans are not absolute plans and assumed plans are not plans at all, so there's nothing to confront him on.

On Sunday, I assumed he would contact me, since we always watch football together. At 11:30 pm, he texts me saying "we can do something this week if you want."

[abitbroken]

I would say "Maybe I had my wires crossed, but I thought we were on for this past Saturday." Your plans WERE tentative, but it is nice when someone says "Hey, i MIGHT be available Saturday but am not sure yet." Actually, I would not be okay were every date was football at his place. I betcha a buddy of his plopped on his sofa to watch the game so he didn't call you.

 

If you were both huge football fans, you go out to watch the game or go to a game on a date when you are getting to know eachother - and do other things to get to know eachother like go to dinner without watching the game.

 

I honestly, if he says "we can do something if you want" I wouldn't respond and see if he tries to ask you out again. If he doesn't ask you out again, i'd forget about him completely. YOu want someone who is more interested in you than that!

[SooSad33]

2-3 dates a week.. over the last four weeks.. and you are considering dumping him.. cause you didnt hear from him this weekend?

 

Maybe..... he decided to back off cause too much.. too fast? ( reason for no contact on the wknd.)

 

Do you really think this is a reason to dump somone?

 

Might be an idea.. to 'mention'. Didnt hear from you.. glad all is okay...since he DID actually contact you, Sunday.

 

I suggest you slow things down a bit.. and your expectations.

 

Yes, would have been nice to him to reply.. to explain- but this is what YOU have to mention to him.

In any relationship- needs to be communication.

[citricacid]

Sorry to hear this perplexing weekend. Are you exclusive? Is he recently out of a relationship?

 

Has he gone incommunicado this long before or blown off plans? See what happens with this weeks dates and if he offers an explanation.

 

This soon into dating he may not feel it's an assumed regular thing, since it's not a relationship yet. Tentative plans are not absolute plans and assumed plans are not plans at all, so there's nothing to confront him on.

 

Never gone incommunicado, and never blown off plans. I don't find it acceptable for him to just not respond to my text message all weekend. I don't require much communication when I'm not with him; I don't care if I hear from him daily, but to just not respond to a message, after a month of consistently seeing a person, seems pretty disrespectful to me.

We haven't talked about exclusivity.

So you don't think this type of behavior warrants walking away, but that I should see him again and see what happened?

[Wiseman2]

Agree. It sounds like he responded already to an inquiry about not doing something over the weekend.

I betcha a buddy of his plopped on his sofa to watch the game so he didn't call you.

]

[citricacid]

2-3 dates a week.. over the last four weeks.. and you are considering dumping him.. cause you didnt hear from him this weekend?

 

Maybe..... he decided to back off cause too much.. too fast? ( reason for no contact on the wknd.)

 

Do you really think this is a reason to dump somone?

 

Might be an idea.. to 'mention'. Didnt hear from you.. glad all is okay...since he DID actually contact you, Sunday.

 

I suggest you slow things down a bit.. and your expectations.

 

Yes, would have been nice to him to reply.. to explain- but this is what YOU have to mention to him.

In any relationship- needs to be communication.

 

Yes, I think that making tentative plans with someone and then completely ignoring them all weekend even after that person asks if the plans are moving forward is rather disrespectful. It takes 3 seconds to text saying "sorry, really busy this weekend". I think after a month of consistently spending time with someone you owe someone one reply text.

Am I really that off base?

[Wiseman2]

So after a few weeks of dating he or you haven't brought this conversation up? Then you or he can date others on weekends?

We haven't talked about exclusivity.

[citricacid]

So after a few weeks of dating he or you haven't brought this conversation up? Then you or he can date others on weekends?

 

No, neither of us has brought it up. My concern is really why he couldn't be bothered to respond to my text asking if we were going to do something. I guess I am overreacting though?

[SophieGrace]

At 11:30 pm, he texts me saying "we can do something this week if you want." No acknowledgement that he ignored me all weekend, and no explanation or apology. Is he not interested? Should I ask for an explanation or just drop him?

 

I think if a guy really likes you, he will pursue. Between ignoring your texts this weekend and his lackluster text - "if you want" - doesn't seem to imply that's where he's at.

 

If it were me, I'd be a bit frustrated as well and figure he wasn't that interested, but you never know - maybe something came up over the weekend that he hasn't told you about. If it were me, I wouldn't ask for an explanation - I would wait until he made more of an effort to plan a date, and if he does I'd ask him on the date what was going on over the weekend (in a non-accusatory fashion) and see what he says. If he doesn't make a pro-active effort to contact you for a next date, you'll have your answer.

[Wiseman2]

See if he confirms the "we can do something if you want" text. If there's another date maybe it's time to discuss if it's a relationship, dating, exclusive, hangouts, etc.

No, neither of us has brought it up. My concern is really why he couldn't be bothered to respond to my text asking if we were going to do something. I guess I am overreacting though?

[citricacid]

See if he confirms the "we can do something if you want" text. If there's another date maybe it's time to discuss if it's a relationship, dating, exclusive, hangouts, etc.

 

So I shouldn't text him, just wait to see if he calls/texts to make definitive plans?

[SophieGrace]

So I shouldn't text him, just wait to see if he calls/texts to make definitive plans?

 

I wouldn't text him. Give him some space to pursue you.

[greta96]

No, neither of us has brought it up. My concern is really why he couldn't be bothered to respond to my text asking if we were going to do something. I guess I am overreacting though?

 

No you are not overreacting. It's common courtesy to let someone know you will no longer be doing something you had planned to do, however tentative. A short text takes less than 2 seconds. I think it is disrespectful to the other's time to just leave them hanging, and in my case, when this happened (and it happened yesterday actually) it usually means they don't have much consideration for your feelings and that you are very low on the priority list. That's what it meant in my case, anyway.

[j.man]

I'd need more information before I made a judgment. Who initiated the dinner date on Wednesday? And I see he invited you over on Thursday. If he's been doing most the legwork in inviting, I'd expect you to be keen to follow up on the tentative plans without playing chicken going into the weekend. What exactly were the tentative plans anyhow?

 

There's a difference between leaving room to be "pursued" (Really hate the concept. You should both be meeting half-way, neither pursuing) and taking someone's attention and interest for granted. Not saying the latter is the case here, but I'd do some reflection. It sounds like he intentionally left the whole "we can do something this week if you wan to" vague to see if you'd step up with some kind of concrete interest / plans.

 

Speaking for me, personally, I'm fine initiating and doing the legwork for the first bit, but if it were going on a month in and I was still the one constantly putting myself out there, I'd be turned off pretty quick.

[citricacid]

I'd need more information before I made a judgment. Who initiated the dinner date on Wednesday? And I see he invited you over on Thursday. If he's been doing most the legwork in inviting, I'd expect you to be keen to follow up on the tentative plans without playing chicken going into the weekend. What exactly were the tentative plans anyhow?

 

There's a difference between leaving room to be "pursued" (Really hate the concept. You should both be meeting half-way, neither pursuing) and taking someone's attention and interest for granted. Not saying the latter is the case here, but I'd do some reflection. It sounds like he intentionally left the whole "we can do something this week if you wan to" vague to see if you'd step up with some kind of concrete interest / plans.

 

Speaking for me, personally, I'm fine initiating and doing the legwork for the first bit, but if it were going on a month in and I was still the one constantly putting myself out there, I'd be turned off pretty quick.

 

I made the plans for Wednesday. I don't leave him to do all the legwork. It's pretty 50/50 at this point. I am absolutely not the type that believes men have to pursue/plan/pay, etc. And I didn't "play chicken", I texted him asking if the plans were moving forward, and he never responded.

[j.man]

I made the plans for Wednesday. I don't leave him to do all the legwork. It's pretty 50/50 at this point. I am absolutely not the type that believes men have to pursue/plan/pay, etc. And I didn't "play chicken", I texted him asking if the plans were moving forward, and he never responded.

What were the tentative plans?

[citricacid]

What were the tentative plans?

 

To go golfing.

[missmarple]

Saturday rolls around and I don't hear from him, so I send him a text message asking how his day was and if we still have plans. I didn't hear from him on Saturday. On Sunday, I assumed he would contact me, since we always watch football together. At 11:30 pm, he texts me saying "we can do something this week if you want." No acknowledgement that he ignored me all weekend, and no explanation or apology.

 

No matter how long you've been dating someone and plans or no plans, that is just rude. Even if his Saturday had been too busy for some reason, he still shouldn't have ignored your message. Anyway, I would ask him if he had received my Saturday message just in case he hadn't..it happens sometimes.

[katrina1980]

 

At 11:30 pm, he texts me saying "we can do something this week if you want." No acknowledgement that he ignored me all weekend, and no explanation or apology.

 

Ya know I have become A LOT more flexible with respect to who initiates and plans (equally in different ways)... BUT I gotta say this comment from him was extremely condescending and arrogant IMHO!

 

First he "suggests" you get together on the weekend, you don't hear from him, so you contact him to confirm, HE blows you off and ignores that, and then the next day says this?

 

We can do something if YOU want?

 

I wouldn't say this to him but I would be thinking -- if I want???? , like he thinks he's doing ME a big favor by deciding to grace with his regal presence? After blowing me off?

 

Um, I don't think so.

 

When a man is interested, he would never say this "if YOU want" crap.

 

He would say "apologies for being incognito yesterday, let's get together next week."

 

OR

 

"What's your schedule this week, would love to see you, or let's do something.

 

More definitive.

 

Not this "if YOU want" ****.

 

If it were me, after being ignored by him and then receiving that the next day (actually the next night (late - like an afterthought), I would say "not sure of my schedule, will get back to you."

 

And then YOU decide if you want to get back to him.

 

It is still very very early stages, decide if you wish to continue a dating a man like this. I wouldn't.

 

It's hard to say but it sounds like he's pulling back, losing interest.... my guess is he is multi-dating and you are not his only option.

[katrina1980]

No matter how long you've been dating someone and plans or no plans, that is just rude. Even if his Saturday had been too busy for some reason, he still shouldn't have ignored your message. Anyway, I would ask him if he had received my Saturday message just in case he hadn't..it happens sometimes.

 

Oh bull, he received it.

 

He probably had a another date.

 

Just me but I wouldn't be asking him if he got the message, that just gives him the opportunity to say no he didn't, as if that's any excuse anyway.

 

Even assuming he didn't get it, he should have had the courtesy and decency to follow up with you (the OP). Especially when YOU were the one to initiate contact to confirm yay or nay.

 

The man is rude and condescending (see my previous post).

 

Choose wisely from the getgo, and avoid disappointment and hurt later (when you're more invested).

 

Again just me, but this type of thing within ONE MONTH of dating would be dealbreaker.

[IAmFCA]

Did he initiate all of the dates?

[citricacid]

Oh bull, he received it.

 

He probably had a another date.

 

Just me but I wouldn't be asking him if he got the message, that just gives him the opportunity to say no he didn't, as if that's any excuse anyway.

 

Even assuming he didn't get it, he should have had the courtesy and decency to follow up with you (the OP).

 

The man is rude and condescending (see my previous post).

 

Choose wisely from the getgo, and avoid disappointment and hurt later (when you're more invested).

 

Again just me, but this type of thing within ONE MONTH of dating would be dealbreaker.

 

This is honestly the first thing that has been even remotely off putting. Up until this weekend, he was quite the gentleman, which is why I am even coming here to see how others would react, instead of immediately deciding to delete his number.

[citricacid]

Did he initiate all of the dates?

 

No, it's pretty 50/50 at this point.

[IAmFCA]

Just reread.

 

He knows he was rude, he was avoiding contact with you because he didn't know how to deal with choosing other plans.

 

"If you want" may be his way of not sounding presumptuous, because he expects you to back off after this weekend's events.

 

I would not scold him. Depending on what I know of him and what i want, I would say some version of "Not this week. This weekend could work." And see what he does with it.

 

Or I wouldn't bother responding at all.