vikki140 Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 Hi, Please can someone give me some advice on what to do. I was dating a narcassist (I think) he split up with me 6 weeks ago and i am just not coping well at all. I put everything in to that relationship....EVERYTHING! He was my world and everything i did, everything that i thought about, everything i wanted was him, wih him, for him. We were only together for a year but we dated 4 years ago and met back in 2008 so we had a lot of history, When we got together last year i felt like the luckiest girl in the world as i had liked him for so long. This time last year everything was so perfect, I was so happy, We had booked a holiday for feb, we had a weekend in London just before Christmas, Christmas, New Year, It was all with him and now i feel like ive got nothing. I do have something though, I have amazing friends, family and a little 6 year old boy. Why do i still feel so lonely? My friends ask me out, they ask me for lunch, dinner but i cant go because its him i want to go with....how bad is that? Everything reminds me of him and there's so many places i wont go and so many things i wont do. We did such a lot together in that year and everything reminds me of him. He was moody at times and quite controlling of me but we still had such a laugh together...I miss it, i miss the laughs, I miss the fantastic evenings we spent together, even just getting a chinese. I do not feel happy being around anyone else, I just want him. The thought of NYE this year makes me feel anxious as last year i had a night in with him, it was perfect.... Now ive got no one to see it in with. All my friends are staying in with their family, I feel so lonely. I really cant cope with how im feeling and i feel like i am never going to get over him. I still love him so so much and keep hearing his voice, keep seeing his face smiling at me. I cant stop crying, all my family are getting fed up with me now, I feel like ive got no one to talk to. Ive booked to see someone professional on Thursday. I really cant go on like this Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 It's a 'loss' for you.. and of course.. loss hurts Just takes time.... Good you're seeing a prof. They'll help you sort thru your emotions. Will take time to 'accept' that it didn't work... but I find writing helps. Get your thoughts on paper.. and tc of YOU now. You already know he was controlling, etc.. put down those negatives! Time is what it takes... in order to accept & let go. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 What was the breakup about? Are you going no contact and blocking him? What makes you say he was a narcissist? Excellent you have family, friends,etc and now therapy for support. Make the best of their invitations, even if you have to pay for yourself now. Therapy will help you to not make the same mistakes of over-investing and "making someone your world". It will also help you to gain perspective that he was not an idol to put on a pedestal or obsess over. He may have offered you and your son fancy dinners and trips,etc. but relationships need to be about more than that. I put everything in to that relationship....EVERYTHING! He was my world and everything i did, everything that i thought about, everything i wanted was him, wih him, for him. Link to comment
vikki140 Posted November 21, 2016 Author Share Posted November 21, 2016 He broke up with me because he couldnt see a future, He didnt 100% like the fact ive got a son and hated the fact he was close to his Dad. I think he was a narcassist because he looked down his nose at everyone including me at times, he was insecure and controlling, had to have he best apartment, best car, best watch, best TV, he was a real show off. He was pretty selfish at times, didnt like my friends, made comments everytime i was on my phone, everytime we hadd an argument it was always my fault and i would always say sorry so that he would speak to me as i hated the atmospherre. But i only got to realise all of this a few months before we ended. So this time last year everything was amazing and thats what im struggling with. Despite all of that i love him so so much, like more than you can imagine. I feel lost and empty without him We have been NC for one week now, he blocked me as i admitted i looked at his location on facebook, He had told me he was in London but he wasnt and i questioned it Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 You 'feelings' of being without him will only last a short time, I feel.. because in REALITY you know how he is! Time to STOP contacting.. stop following.. etc. Link to comment
vikki140 Posted November 21, 2016 Author Share Posted November 21, 2016 Will they really only last a short time? I can't imagine life without him or without thinking about him or missing him, its killing me. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 Unfortunately it sounds like the incompatibilities came out on this trip and he decided dating a single mom with kids was not for him. He may want single women who can afford a comparable lifestyle to his. It's a blessing he left since he did not get along with your son or children in general.he ended it with me 4 weeks ago, a week after we returned from Florida. He said he doesn't see a future for us, he said my son is naughty and doesn't want his behaviour to reflect on his kids when he has them. He also says he doesn't get much out of the relationship. He means finacialy i think as i don't earn a great deal Link to comment
vikki140 Posted November 21, 2016 Author Share Posted November 21, 2016 Yeah i know thats what hurts so badly. My son adored him, I just miss him so much i literally dont know what to do to make this pain go away Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 Will they really only last a short time? I can't imagine life without him or without thinking about him or missing him, its killing me. You feel like this now.... in time it all eases. It's just really strong now. As long as you do as much as you can to avoid anything to do with him. Any reminders, holds you back from progressing. I will always remember a saying... ' We were okay before them... we'll be okay after them'. Link to comment
dave_1966 Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 He broke up with me because he couldnt see a future, He didnt 100% like the fact ive got a son and hated the fact he was close to his Dad. I think he was a narcassist because he looked down his nose at everyone including me at times, he was insecure and controlling, had to have he best apartment, best car, best watch, best TV, he was a real show off. He was pretty selfish at times, didnt like my friends, made comments everytime i was on my phone, everytime we hadd an argument it was always my fault and i would always say sorry so that he would speak to me as i hated the atmospherre. But i only got to realise all of this a few months before we ended. So this time last year everything was amazing and thats what im struggling with. Despite all of that i love him so so much, like more than you can imagine. I feel lost and empty without him We have been NC for one week now, he blocked me as i admitted i looked at his location on facebook, He had told me he was in London but he wasnt and i questioned it Check out Sam Vaknin on YouTube if you want to understand narcissism. Link to comment
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