a young girl's childish drama.

[foood]

Hi all. Before I start, I must say that I am 14y/o. Even I am aware that this is extremely young, but I hope to find good advice from older people on this site with a better common sense that can give helpful advice.

 

So I have a best friend (let’s call her Alyssa for now), and she has a cousin our age and in our grade. Let’s call this dude Justin. Justin is really quiet and introverted, and at school he tries to keep to himself. Alyssa and Justin and their families live in the same house. When I went over to Alyssa’s house to see her, I didn’t really pay much attention to Justin; he was that good at hiding himself and making himself unseen.

 

I didn’t notice Justin around much at first. But, one day, I asked him to become my accompanist (I play violin, he plays piano) for a school recital coming up in spring. Even then, I’d only asked him because my previous accompanist was a grade above me and had moved away to the high school. Justin was the only other piano player that I actually kind of knew at that time, through my friendship with Alyssa.

 

Him becoming my accompanist meant that we had to practice a lot together, so we exchanged numbers to schedule practice sessions. However, we ended up just chatting a lot as well. I got to know him, and he was a pretty cool guy. We shared similar interests. Our personalities fit together nicely. Pretty soon we’d become friends. And as he revealed more and more about himself to me, I realized that I liked him more than just as a friend. But, as I’m a shy person myself, I couldn’t even think of telling him. Besides, I was okay with staying friends, as long as it meant that things would carry on like this forever (or at least a long time).

 

I didn’t realize it back then, but I must have really been a special person for Justin. He didn’t really have that many friends, and I doubt he had anyone to talk to that was interested in talking about anything besides games or sports. So just having me, a person who cared about him as a person and not his interests, there to talk to about literally anything… was a precious gift to him.

Alyssa confirmed this. She told me that Justin liked me, and that he was very secretive about it. The only reason why she even knew was because she forcibly asked him about it, and he answered her because they were close like siblings. I was so happy when I heard this, and knowing this one little fact made conversations with Justin even more exciting.

 

Now, Justin has a friend (let’s call him Bob). I got to know him through Justin, and although I did not really like him, I still attempted to become friends with him because he seemed to like me, and everyone deserves a chance. This did not help; I still did not like him, just from things like his gait and the way he talked. Surprisingly, Bob asked me out. Now, I had to reject him, but I did not know how to do so without hurting his feelings. Although I hated the person that he was, I still didn’t like the fact that I had the potential to hurt someone. I couldn’t tell him that I was rejecting him because I hated him, so I used the excuse of liking someone else. Of course, him being nosy had to pry for who it was, and among my hectic and dazed rush of a mind caught up in the moment, I told him it was Justin. He surprisingly took the rejection well and told me that he would help me with Justin. I got super annoyed because there was nothing he could do to help… he was too irrelevant and thought too highly of himself. I. Did. Not. Want. To. Pursue. A. Deeper. Relationship. With. Justin. I immediately regretted telling him that I liked Justin; I realized that I preferred to keep my feelings to myself. No one, not even Justin himself, must know.

 

So, a couple days later, I told Bob that I didn’t like Justin anymore. Now, this was a lie, but I was able to get away with it. Because no one can blame a 14-year-old for having shallow feelings that are so easily changed, right? If I were older, maybe he wouldn’t have bought the story.

 

Perhaps this was not a wise choice, as Bob started to try to escape the friend zone with me again. Boy, this dude would not take a hint! He was very persistent in trying to flirt with me and I hated it because I could not just tell him to stop. My idiotically nice self had to always reply kindly to his pathetic attempts of conversation, even if I only talked in short, meaningless responses. Me being instinctively nice was giving him strength to be more persistent, and it drove me crazy because I knew I had to end this one-sided “friendship” but I did not know how to be anything but nice. It got to the point where he was being so annoying and clingy that I had to block him on social media to stop his constant spamming. I ignored him in school.

 

Bob did not take that well. He got very mad at me for blocking him, and ranted to Justin about it. Of course Justin prioritized me before Bob, so I found out about Bob’s actions. Apparently Bob was making the situation out to be much bigger than it actually was. He also slightly twisted the situation to make it seem as if I was the one who was pathetically trying to maintain a relationship with him. This was not true at all!!! I got so mad at Bob; what kind of pathetic loser would lie to make himself seem like the better person in a situation? After explaining the truth to Justin, Justin asked me over text messaging one more thing. He asked me if I liked him.

 

I was in shock at first, but then I realized that Bob must have told him in all his rage. It must have been an attempt at revenge on me to destroy Justin and my friendship, or something along those lines. So I told another lie. I’d told Justin that I used to like him in the previous year, but after I’d gotten to know him better my feelings had disappeared.

 

To that, Justin replied that things were same for him, that his feelings for me were slowly diminishing. Justin said that he’d been in a state of depression in the past couple months because he liked me a lot but thought that he could never have me. He said that there were many factors that caused him to believe this. And he said that he thought he had to tell me before he grew too depressed to keep it a secret from me permanently. I played dumb and was all like “What?? Really?? You liked me??? Haha”, but behind the screen, I was very conflicted. Did Justin really not like me anymore, or did he just say that to make the situation easier on himself? Once he’d confirmed that I “didn’t like him,” could he think of nothing else to do besides retreat? Even if that meant lying about his feelings? Or was he just genuinely not liking me as much as he had during the past couple of months?

 

Now I just don’t know what to do. I want things to go back to the way they used to be, with me playing the role of the innocent girl clueless to the guy’s feelings. I want Justin to like me again a lot (if he doesn’t now), and I don’t want to be just friends anymore. But, at the same time, I know that will probably never happen. I don’t want to move on, either. What should I do? How should I treat Justin now? How do I get rid of this empty feeling in my heart?

Also, should I be concerned about Bob being angry towards me? I don’t care about whatever he thinks of me… is that a problem?

[smackie9]

OK I'm going to teach you a valuable lesson.....if you had just told the truth at the beginning you wouldn't be in this predicament. If you take a good look, you DID end up hurting Bob even more than you would have if you had just been honest with him. As for Justin, just tell him how you really feel and would really like this to be cool between you two.

 

 

For the future....when you are older and start using online dating as an adult....just be honest and don't play games. This site and others like it are FULL and I mean just loaded with hurt and upset people asking "why did I just get ignored? I thought they liked me. Are they really that busy? Why can't they just tell me the truth. What do you guys think? Should I send them another text? What the hell happened? Why do people ghost on me? etc

[foood]

OK I'm going to teach you a valuable lesson.....if you had just told the truth at the beginning you wouldn't be in this predicament. If you take a good look, you DID end up hurting Bob even more than you would have if you had just been honest with him. As for Justin, just tell him how you really feel and would really like this to be cool between you two.

 

 

For the future....when you are older and start using online dating as an adult....just be honest and don't play games. This site and others like it are FULL and I mean just loaded with hurt and upset people asking "why did I just get ignored? I thought they liked me. Are they really that busy? Why can't they just tell me the truth. What do you guys think? Should I send them another text? What the hell happened? Why do people ghost on me? etc

 

Thank you for your insight. But what should I do now, now that I'm in this predicament?